My garden has a pest problem, the neighborhood cats! They turned my garden into their personal litter box! I've tried every trick in the book to repel them, spent hundreds of dollars on various repellents, but they keep coming back. Part of the problem is that my wife likes these cats, because she regularly feeds them when we should be stomping their little heads!
Today after I discovered that a cat peed on my sneakers, since I left them on my terrace, I decided to take them out once and for all, with my sons b-b gun from our second floor window, but my wife foiled my plans when she caught me setting up. If you have any ideas on how to repel these pests, I would greatly appreciate it!
-- BEN, GEORGIA
First off, violence never solves anything. How would you like it if one of those cats stomped on your head? It wouldn't feel good now, would it?
Anyway, I had the same problem a few years back, but I discovered a fullproof way to repel these little stray bastards. First become friendly with them, feed them a few times, and when they get use to you, looking up at you waiting to be fed, pee on them. The last person I gave these instructions peed his pants, so make sure you follow each step carefully. Nothing is worse than having the neighborhood cats thinking you're a moron, then you will never get rid of them!
To solve the problem with your wife feeding these pests, wait until she has a stuffed up nose, then put her shoes on the terrace over the weekend so the cats can piss on them, and place them back so she wears them to work Monday morning. Works every time! But if it doesn't work this time, and you find your ass out in the street, write Dear Abby.