Why doesn't Dear Abby give me advice?

Don't you ever, I mean ever ask me about dear abby!Dear AL:
For the last few weeks I've been writting Dear Abby about a problem, but she's hasn't gave me any advice! My sons girlfriend moved into our place, and I told him that it's not a good idea, but he brushed me off with a laugh. At first it didn't look like it was gona be a problem, until I came home one day and caught my son and her smoking weed in the livingroom while playing a game on the TV, throwing chips at each other. I then told them to clean up their mess, and to stop smoking weed, but he laughed at me, called me a Dork, and went to his room.

I don't appreciate my son talking to me like that, and the fact that Dear Abby is not repsonding. My son and his girlfriend think I'm stupid asking for advice, but I don't care!

Any ideas on how to get Dear Abby's attention? This is serious!
-- John, Idaho

Dear John:
You seriously want me to help you get intouch with Dear Abby? Are you on Crack?!!! Don't make me call you a Dork!

I don't know your situation, if you're disabled or not, but your son is living under your roof, not the other way around!

No warnings! When your son is not around, grab all his shit, and his girlfriends, and throw it out! You sound like you might need a little help, so ask your friends for assistance. Then have a BBQ with your friends, and enjoy the look on your son's and girlfriends faces as they discover their Playstation asses are out in the street! Good luck!

21 comments:

Vengelyne said...

Geez, Al, the advice you gave sounded just exactly like what my mom would do. *gasps* :O

Webmiztris said...

I would have told her to steal her son's weed and smoke it all herself. then she wouldn't care about everything else.

Dear AL said...

Vengelyne, are you trying to make me feel old?

Dawn, John's a he, not a she! Time to lay off that nose candy! ;)

Mr. Universe said...

Hey! I didn't ask for your advice AL, just if you can help me get intouch with Dear Abby! Can't you read?

Dear AL said...

Excuse me, Jonathan! If you don't want advice, then don't be telling me your sob story!

Figures you would use the Microsoft Office Paperclip for your profile!
Dork!

Ben said...

Love is in the air,
Everywhere I look around,
Love is in the air,
Every sight and every sound,

And I don't know if I'm being foolish,
Don't know if I'm being wise,
But it's something that I must believe in,
And it's there when I look in your eyes,

(Chorus)
Love is in the air
da-da-da-da-da-da
Love is in the air
da-da-da-da-da-da

Sherry said...

Dang.
Jonathan doesn't need Dear Abby he needs Dr. Phil.
Sounds like he has a pinecone up his booty.

beadinggalinMS said...

I would give the playstations to the poor kids down the street, ya know the ones who own the Xbox. Keep the weed, fire up the grill and have a helluva party. Don't pay attention to me I am only day dreaming.

I thought Dear Abby was dead....

Joyce said...

Hey Jonathan! Al is just trying to help you out.

Like your paperclip!

ramblings said...

Oh HELL NO! I would not ever let my child get away with that!

You are right, kick his ass to the curb, and then bitch slap the girlfriend and throw her ass back to the street.
Oh I am so mad for him.

Tell the man I will come and personally see to the ungrateful little shits, and enjoy the hell outta tossing their shit out.

Vengelyne said...

Dear Al, I didn't even imply anything! *looks at Al angelically* Are you just being sensitive and feeling the pinch? *winks*

Dear AL said...

Ben, I'm not sure if Jonathan is gay, but good luck!

Sherry, never ever mention Dr. Phil on my blog again! Now I need therapy!

BeadinggalinMS, I would just smash that Playstation to bits! All it does is produce dumbasses, unless the parents limit it's use! But some people just don't know when to put their foot down!

Joyce, you don't seriously like his paperclip, do you? ;)

Ramblings, I think you just scared Jonathan away!

Vengelyne, so that was you pinching me! Pray my wife doesn't read this post!

Rose DesRochers said...

Al are we related. LOL

Trudy Booty Scooty said...

Jonathan...I have an idea! Maybe Dear Abby is single.....so ask her out...and then once you have her stuffed with beer and deep fried onion rings...tell her your troubles! (Al...sorry...just wanted to throw my 2 cents in....cuz I don't have a kewl advice blog...and wanted to experience it for a moment! ~fanning self~ It was good for me. :) )

doobyus said...

I think you are my aunt Agnes? How did you get an internet connection in that home?

Dear AL said...

Rose, don't say that! How in hell are we gona have an affair if we are?

Trudy, that's why there's open comments on my blog, so everybody can contribute their 2 cents, but I don't Jonathan has a chance with Dear Abby!

Doobyus, I have my ways! I just showed the male nurses a little leg!

Vengelyne said...

Naw, Al, can't be me. Married men are totally taboo for me to lay my hands on.

Dear AL said...

Oops! I ment to say to Trudy "I don't think Jonathan has a chance"

Vengelyne, you don't love me anymore? :(

S said...

hey thanks for stopping by my blog...Hope things settle down over here..LOL.

Vengelyne said...

I want to, Al, but I cannot bear to share my man with another woman. Moreover, she's the one who's tied to you legally... =( It's tearing me apart to lay my hands off you, y'know? *sob*

Goodbye Mes Amis said...

Poor John. Next time, why don't you phone the cops and have them both arrested? That 'll teach 'em.