Clueless About My Boyfriend's Behaviour

Dear Al:
I'm really clueless about my boyfriend's behaviour, it took him about a month to kiss me for the first time, then we "tried" to have sex a month later after that, but it didn't turn out very well, so I suggested we needed more practice together...we still haven't done it ever since, and it's been a year since we started dating!!!(that's almost 9 month without sex, in case you were doing the math)
I'm in need for a guy's opinion, doesn't he like me? then why is he still with me? how can I take him to bed (without sounding too desperate)?
I'll be waiting for your advice, so please, PLEASE, answer to my message, I do need help!
-- clueless girl, Spain

Dear Clueless:
He likes you like a buddy, that's why he's still with you. The best way to get him in the sack is to have your best friend (Chuck, whomever) sleep over, but don't take sloppy seconds!

Seriously, maybe he has a complex, or he's a closet case, unsure of his sexuality. You two have to talk, and don't take no for an answer. Don't ask him if he's gay, that's a sure deal breaker if he's not! Let him spill his guts, but if he doesn't want to talk, move along. You're wasting your time!

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Monika said...


I don't want to be blunt...actually I will be blunt.

You need sex. You want sex. You enjoy sex. He won't give you sex. Therefore, in the words of the great sex man, Dan Savage, DTMFA, Clueless, DTMFA!

Monika said...


Al! Today is friday! You didn't post this yesterday!

Dear AL said...

DTMFA? I have an idea what it means, but I'll keep it to myself to be safe.

Updated my entries date, Monika. Thanks!

Dominic said...

I know how she feels, but I got married, so I'm screwed! Not physically unfortunately!

Monika said...

Your welcome =)

Al, d'ya want me to tell you?

Vengelyne said...

Lol. I think I know what DTMFA is, too. If it's what I think it is, way to go, Monika!!!

However, on a serious note, sex isn't everything in a relationship. I would appreciate this guy who's still with me in a relationship and doesn't initiate sex at all... But if he's soliciting it from outside, then he's so getting castrated!!!

Maybe he's too worried that it'd be like the first time and he'd disappoint his partner? Communication is the key to iron this out, I think.

Oops... she asked for a guy's opinion. Just giving my 2 cents worth. Good luck all the same!

Chuck said...

Al, I'm not gay!

Vengelyne, I have to disagree with you. Sex is everything, and when that barometer is off, something is wrong, specially when both parties are physically healthy!

If you want to keep most people from soliciting sex from somewhere else, the other person better start liking it! Communication verbally and physically is the key to a working relatioship.

Mr. Universe said...

Sex is everything? Of course that would come from you, Chuck.

I want a girl to love me for my mind!

Chuck said...

"I want a girl to love me for my mind!"

That's why you're still single, Jonathan!

Monika said...

what are you talking about chuck? Jon has PROCREATED!

Janet said...

Give Chuck a break, Monika! He's retarded!

lastlifeinmyuniverse said...

possible scenarios:
1. hes a late boomer/ slow dancer. slowwww.
2. hes not attracted to you physically.
3. hes getting it elsewhere.
4. hes still in the closet.
5. hes got fear of intimacy.
6. the first time was really bad.
7. he likes his women to make the first move. to be the aggresive one.
mind you. it can be a combination of more than one scenario in your case.

yes chuck. cant you tell how much we "love" you ? lol.

Chuck said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Chuck said...

Oh yeah! Forgot about that, Monika.

Last, does that mean I have a chance?

You forgot 8, 9 and 10.

8. He's thinks everything is fine.

9. He wants a mama, not a lover.

10. He's a workaholic! That's where he gets his kicks! GEEK!

Paul F. said...

Maybe he wants to wait until marriage. OK....that was boring....

lastlifeinmyuniverse said...

i just realized i typoed aggressive. oh well. thanks for addin the rest.

ive got a thing for geeks, but not for men with missing teeth. that means you chuck.

Vengelyne said...

Chuck... sex isn't everything in a relationship, but it is VERY important.

And not everyone has a high sex drive like you 24x7. Control those raging hormones, will ya?

Delaleuverses said...

Wow, a month to kiss, that's way too long. She's a very patient girl to go on without sex for 9 months, i mean if the attraction/chemistry is there it shouldn't be a guessing game in the first place. Great post.

clueless girl said...

thanks for your advice people!
I'm afraid I've been wasting my time with this guy.
he's a nice guy but sometimes I feel that's not enough. what really scares me is the idea of never finding such a nice man in someone else.
I don't even need sex every day, but his behaviour is really weird and I suppose it's high time we talk about this, in Al's words: if he dosn´t want to talk I'll move along (or if his answer doesn't convince me)

Monika: DTMFA?? I really need a clue.

Vengelyne: I wanted a guy's opinion so someone could get under his skin and explain it to me, but a girl's opinion is as valid to me as anyone else's, and I agree with you, sex isn't everything, but when you have NO SEX you learn to value it.

Chuck: you might be onto something, I read in his blog once that he dreamed of a girl who would give everything for him, thinking firs of him and his needs than herself...kind of a mother, yes.

you know something? now that I write about this, perhaps I should really dump him.

Vengelyne said...

Aww... clueless girl... Well, do what you feel is right. Stick to your decision and don't look back after that. Just move on.

On matters like this, it's really difficult. Your head will be telling you to do the rational thing, but your heart will tell you a different thing. They don't tally.

Good luck!

Monika said...

Dump The MotherF*cker Already!

lastlifeinmyuniverse said...

ohhhh. i thought its Don't Touch My Fat Ass. ;)

RC said...

Monika, did you ment to type motherfacker? I also thought it ment don't touch my fat ass since I'm a big fat kid with a big fat ass, and big feet, but not as big as my moms, or hairy.

just me said...

Oh dear, NIne months with no sex? Ouch! What I don't get is that it was attempted once, then never tried again? How bad could it have been?

I think it's definitely time to move on. You need someone who has passion, both for sex and for life in general.

Good luck!

Rose said...

From the sounds of it, maybe she's moving way too fast. Hmm, maybe he doesn't deserve her Al. :)

Monika said...

LMFAO Rockchild, I love you, I really do =)

ninjaaron said...

that's really not unusual for christians. In christianity, marriage isn't supposed to be a 'try before you buy' deal. Sorta, we believe that sex is an act that makes two people one, permanently. If you try to split something like that up, things get messy. That's my take on it anyway.

ninjaaron said...

that's really not unusual for christians. In christianity, marriage isn't supposed to be a 'try before you buy' deal. Sorta, we believe that sex is an act that makes two people one, permanently. If you try to split something like that up, things get messy. That's my take on it anyway.