Slowly Girls Are Getting Turned Off By Me!

Dear Al:
I'm addicted to online dating, doing it since I started Rumschpringe, my rite of passage into the Amish life, but slowly the girls are getting more and more turned off by me!
The last girl I was suppose to meet at a park for a date, picked up her things as soon as she saw me, and started to walk away. When I called her name, she ran! You know how embarassing that was? I almost crushed my hat!

Since then I'm spending a few extra hours a night online to find the perfect woman, so I don't have to go through that again. Do you have any advice? -- Brother Garb, Intercourse, PA

Dear Garb:
Loose those black clothes, fuckin' shave, and stop calling yourself brother, or I'll crush your hat!

is your time to cut loose, specially if you live in a town called Intercourse! You should be fuckin' everybody, with a hat of course, but not the one on your head!

Just kidding, you know! Last thing you want to catch is an STD, because no one will baptize your ass with a ten foot pole!

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6 comments:

Vengelyne said...

Lol.

Is that Chuck writing in posing as Garb?

Kidding.

Anyways, if the girl ran off, something about him must've terrified her greatly. He should really check on his appearance OR he can find another girl who likes him the way he looks. Afterall, one man's meat is another man's poison, they say! =) So yes, internet is a great way to start, but of course with no guarantees...

Garb said...

Thanks for the info, Al. Do you always use such profanity?

Wish me luck!

Dayngr said...

Now that was good! As for my advice to Garb, send photos, lots of photos so people will know what to expect.

Webmiztris said...

I want to found my own town and calling it Fucking. Intercourse just sounds so damn uptight and clinical!

The Stiltwalker said...

Online dating is always a gamble. Did I tell you the one about the dude with Tourette's?

The Stiltwalker said...

Online dating is always a gamble. Did I tell you the one about the dude with Tourette's?