Girlfriend Stalking Me, Sent Sick American Greetings Ecard

Dear AL:
What do you do when an ex-girlfriend wont leave you alone? She broke up with me about a year ago because of my maturity and lack of goals. She was right, so I changed my ways, and I found someone else in the process. Since she discovered 6 months ago that I have a new girlfriend, my ex comes by my job twice a week, and calls me up almost every other day. The last time she called I told her like times before to stop calling, but she went nuts that I couldn't understand a word. Since my phone records my phone calls, I discovered what she said did make sense when I played it in reverse! I'm not sure if this was some freak reaction, or some message she rehearsed, but she said in reverse "If I can't have you, you'll be joining Elvis!"

A few days ago she sent some sick ecard that promotes stalking by American Greetings. Here's the link to it, but not to my actual ecard, so you can see this twisted egreeting for yourself and how far off the deep end my ex is:

Al, my ex-girlfriend is freaking me out! So what do you think?
-- Joe, another place

Yo Joe:
I think you're fucked!

Like what I told a previous reader, you need to get a restraining order agains't this pyscho. I also suggest to start looking for a new place to live and a new job. If she's this far gone then there's no saying what she would do next if she chooses to ignore the court order.

Good luck Joe, you're gona need it! Have a Happy Halloween!

My Sons Place Is A Mess!

Dear AL:
Before my son moved into his own place, I gave him his space and never complained about his messy bedroom. What a mistake that was! Every time he invited me over to his place, it seemed to be getting worse and worse. Dirty socks on the kitchen counter, a pile of laundry on the bathroom floor, garbage bags on his balconey, and used cups and plates all over his apartment. A few days ago I finally broke and told him to clean up his place, and he tried, but today I found a plate under his couch and a moldy cup behind a cushion. I don't mean to pry into my sons life, but when is he gona learn to pick up after himself?
-- Pauline, Arizona

Dear Pauline:
Some people are hopeless cases while others just need a sign.

Hopefully it doesn't come to this!

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How Can I Tell Him His Breath Stinks?

Dear AL:
I have co-worker who has bad, bad smell to breath. I must work with this guy sometimes in close quarters when working on projects. Then when we go to lunch I must ride in car with this stinker too. He is really a great guy, but his breath can peel paint off walls. How can I tell him his breath stinks in nice way?
-- Ivan, Hollywood

Yo Ivan:
Privately tell him his breath stinks, there's really no other way. He's probably unaware of his problem, or doesn't mind stinking like ass. His condition could be a dental or medical problem, so you be doing him a favor by telling him that he stinks. But if you still can't tell him, visuals always work. The next time he tries to talk to you, run!

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Religious Freak in My Families Business!

Yo AL:
There's this religious fanatic living next door that's always in my families business.
She's watches us like a hawk, quotes the Bible to us almost everyday, and gives us dirty looks. A few days ago she thought I was having an affair when she saw me with my sister.
She sneaked into our house, saw us and said "You're both gona burn in hell!"

Al, what can I tell this nut to get her off our backs?
-- Brian, Kentucky

Yo Brian:
Fuck off bitch! Not you... her!

On second thought, don't tell her that. She might pull a Carrie's mom on your ass!

Get a restraining order agains't her, and when you catch her staring, moon her!

That Was A Good Break... I'm Back!

Here's a couple of videos to keep you all busy until my next victim.


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Putting Out More Than The Average Married Woman

Dear AL:
I'm certainly no prude but I have a friend who, let's just say, is putting a little more out there on the internet than the average married woman normally would.
She's the talk of the town and it is only a matter of time before her husband finds out. She's my friend and she doesn't seem too concerned. Should I be concerned for her or just forget it? -- Not A Prude

Dear Prude:
I mean, Dear Not!

Sounds like your friend is bored at home, unhappy with her marriage, or is addicted to Half-Nekkid Thursday "HNT", which isn't a bad thing unless her husband finds out. Talk to your friend, let her know you're concerned, right after you send me the link to her blog! ;)

Wifey, I'm just kidding!

This is gona be my last bit of advice for a while. I removed the email form from the sidepanel. Thanks for reading my blog and your submissions people! Take care!

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We'll Hurt Her Feelings! What Can We Do?

Dear AL:
We have this friend who always sticks around us. And we kind of don't like her to stick to us because her jokes are really lame and she really embarrasses us when we go out together. Plus, we didn't even invite her to come along! If we tell her that we don't want her to tag along, we'll hurt her feelings. What can we do?
-- Silly Girls

Yo Silly:
Aren't friends suppose to stick together? Why call her a friend if you don't want her to hang around with you?

If she's a friend, let her know when she makes a lame joke or embarasses you. Friends suppose to help each other out. But if she's the kind of person who gets her kicks out of embarrassing you and your friends with insults, spreading rumors, or cruel jokes, ect... tell her to stop or find new friends. Don't worry about hurting her feelings if she's cruel, it will make her a better person or turn her into the next Ann Coulter. I hope this helped!

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Dear Abby's Humor is Dry As Toast!

Dear AL:
I'm a huge fan of Dear Abby! I've been reading her column for ages before she changed her hairstyle. She looks 20 years younger!
My problem is over past few years I've noticed that Dear Abby's writing style has changed, and her humor is as dry as toast. What gives?
-- Gladis, Utah

Dear Gladis:
Maybe Pauline Phillips (Dear Abby) is sick of joking around because she never fulfilled her life long dream... being a stand-up comic. Pauline use to tell some zingers back in her day. In college she was voted most likely to team-up with Abbot and Costello... but she knew the world wasn't ready for another Abbot, so she worked various jobs until she started her Dear Abby column in 1956 that she wrote until 2002. That's right! Pauline is not writing Dear Abby anymore, her daughter Jeanne Phillips is.


Personally, I think Jeanne Phillips is doing a great job as Dear Abby, but that doesn't mean I'm taking her off my arch nemesis list!

How Can I Tell My Girlfriend That She Sucks!

Dear Al:
I love my girlfriend to death, but she can't dance! It's so embarrassing to go clubbing with her! Even her girlfriends keep their distance when we're dancing. Last weekend I pretended that I needed to use the toilet and left her on the dance floor. I was hoping she would go back to our table, but she stayed out there dancing. As I walked off the floor I saw some guys laughing, and one imitated her moves. I pushed the guy, and he pushed me back, then we started to fight! When my girlfriend saw this, she came off the floor, then the bouncers threw us out stating it's all her fault! She then dragged me and her girlfriends (kicking and screaming) to another club!

Al, how can I tell my girlfriend that she can't dance without hurting her feelings? -- Tony, UK

Yo Tony:
Tell her that she sucks!

Look, there is no way around it, her feelings are gona get hurt. If you don't tell her now she will eventually find out, then she'll be even more mad at you for not stopping her from making a fool of herself.

Do you want to see this happen on the dance floor?

I didn't think so!

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I'm Such A Pig, And Feeling Ashamed!

Dear Al:
I hate it how I can't control my eating. I think its because I'm bored and jealous if someone else gets to eat it. I'm such a pig, and feeling ashamed... -- Potentially Hot

Dear Hot:
So that was you staring at my dog at last weeks game! Freaky!

There's an organization that can help you with your problem, Overeaters Anonymous. Overeaters Anonymous offers a program of recovery from compulsive overeating. Worldwide meetings and other tools provide a fellowship of experience, strength and hope where members respect one another's anonymity. OA charges no dues or fees; it is self-supporting through member contributions.

I hope this helped!

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