So I found out my wife was having an affair a couple of months ago and I really do not think she understands the impact this has had on me. She says she is sorry and she says she understands but here is a perfect example of why I don't feel she does. I have tried to explain to her how I feel but she says I am being unreasonable. One of us seems to be suffering from a little bit of cognitive dissonance but I am just not too sure if it is her or me.
We live in a pretty small town and about 10 minutes away is another town which is on the water and very popular, touristy, etc. We used to go there to take the dogs for walks in nice weather, for dinner every few months, in fact I proposed to her on the downtown docks on 4th of July about 5 years ago. Well I found out recently that she had been having an affair and it was with a police officer for that small city. She wants to go there for this years 4th of july and I explained to her that I was not necessarly comfortable with this because I do not want us to run into this person. The fact is I wouldn't even know if I were standing next to him and I am sure I would wonder if "that is the guy" with every police office I saw. She has lied to me telling me he no longer works there, which he does. She mentioned that she thinks it is a small chance of running into him, I disagree, it is the 4th of July so I am sure that all will be working. She threw at me that "this is where we got engaged, do you mean we can never go there again"
I don't think she understand how I feel about any of this, especially considering this is where we got engaged! She is making me feel like the bad guy and that I am being ridiculous. She was very upset with me when I tried to explain to her that "I didn't think I felt comfortable going downtown this 4th of July" or really any time for that matter right now.
Am I really being out of line here?
-- Hurt, US
You're not out of line, your cheating wife is, and I hate to break this to ya, she'll probably cheat again, that's if she hasn't hooked up with that towns police force already. Noticed any cuff marks?
Look, who knows if she's still a ho. Just remember, she lied to ya, and doesn't seem to care about your feelings about her adultress past, just what she wants. Tell her again about how you feel, but if she keeps insisting on that town, take her up on it and see how many times her eyes wonder, like she's searching for a badge. If so, it's time to let her go. Don't waste another 5 years of your life with a girl who's interested in someone else. You can do better!
Relationship counseling has been successful in cases of marital infidelity. Bring this up and see if she would like to try it, but if she loses her mind, move on! It will hurt, but not as bad if she brings home Herpes.
Kw's: adultery, adultry, affair, affairs, cheater, cheating spouse, infidelity, marriage, unfaithful