Drunk girlfriend cheated with her old best friend. Is this tattered relationship worth saving?

Hey AL:
Ok... so let me try to make a long story short. Me and my girlfriend(not a fiancee OR wife) meet, have a serious relationship. Something like out of a romance novel in terms of the way we met and fell in love. I have a bad past of girlfriends cheating on me. But I tried my best to keep my paranoia in check. Her grandmother (aka her best friend) died when she was young. She doesn't know who her mother is. Her father is a pilled out veteran on disability. Her brother, the only other person close to her. Got arrested and is now serving 20 yrs. So she has extensive abandonment issues. After a few months, and a roommate rivalry, I move in with her and her dad. A month later we get our own place, everything still going good. Crazy in love, but have our problems. 13 days before our 1 yr she invites old friends over that are in town (Which never happens because she doesn't have many friends) and ends up getting PLASTERED and making out with her old best friend in our bathroom. HUGE ordeal as you can guess. Fighting, packing, fighting, crying, begging, said I was leaving and I didn't leave. The next months were hard because all trust was gone. Honestly I stayed because of the apartment and the connection my mother and family have grown with her. My mother loves her to death. And bills are easier with two paying them. But most of all I wanted so bad for things to get better and that I could move past it. But knowing how paranoid I am, the outlook wasn't good. So now, 5 months later, I'm struggling with constant paranoia and I treat her like crap cause I have so much pent-up frustration towards her. I don't restrict her or try to control her. She has all the freedom in the world. In fact, I more push her away. I distance myself from her. My mind is filled with the most outrageous cheating scenarios all the time and it has sent my blood pressure through the roof. I'm torn. I feel like I'm stuck here with her because she has no one but me. Plus she's made pity attempts at suicide trying to get me to stay. I feel her words are true, but she has too much shadiness surrounding her. I really do I love her with all my heart, but I'm just one step out of the door. Advice please, I'm losing my mind with paranoia. Is there a mental condition for cheating paranoia? It's only with cheating, I don't get paranoid with anything else. And is this tattered relationship even worth trying for?
-- Mr. Man, my state

Yo Man:
Personally, if this was a bi thing, I would give her a second chance if she had more feelings for me and was willing to share. :-) Now if the person she kissed was a dude, that's fucked up, but she was wasted.

If you love her with all your heart and you believe her when she states her love for you, I would give her a second chance on the condition that she never drinks or talks to that guy again, or that girl if you're not interested in threesomes. She's in control when she's sober, so you have nothing to be paranoid about, specially since she's falling all over herself for you to stay. Stop treating her like shit, think of the good times you've had, and relax. Your relationship is salvageable if you stop being an ass. How many different ways does she have to say sorry for you to believe she's SORRY and will not cheat again? Give the girl a break, and your nerves, and let it go. It will haunt you of what could've been if you break up, specially since you love her. Believe me, you don't want to go through that.

KW's: excessive anxiety, fear, irrational, delusional, possible schizo (You, Man, not her)

Where can I watch Paris Hilton's new sex tape?

Dear AL:
Due to the restrictions at my fraternity, our internet access is carefully filtered to block porn. Do you know of any place online where I can watch Paris Hilton's new sex tape? I'm a huge fan of hers! It can be partially censored. I'll just use my imagination to fill in the blanks. Thanks!
-- Matt, amongst religious nuts

Yo Matt:
You're in luck! I found Paris Hilton's sex tape on YouTube. The only problem, it's extremely censored. Hope you have a good imagination. Enjoy!

KW's: huge fan, possible virgin, video

My employee spreads lies about coworkers

Dear AL:
I have this employee (relative) that does nothing but complain. Since her fear of customers and boredom, she spreads lies about her coworkers, trying to prevent them from doing their jobs so they stay by her side. What can I tell her to straighten her out?
-- Diana, Texas

Dear Diana:
Tell her to STFU!

From the sounds of it, she's probably older than dirt, and it's no ones fault she can't handle the job. Tell her to get with the program or you will give her walking papers. If she continues, without hesitation, put her out to pasture! Be strong or you will lose good workers because her. Screw it if it's your mother!

KW's: hostile work environment

Leading up to Archie (Comics) Veronica's wedding... SPOILER ALERT!!!

Dear AL:
I have recently (belatedly, unfortunately) heard that Archie of Archie Comics fame is marrying Veronica! I know that somehow, the story will progress in a manner that will return the characters to status quo but the suspense is driving me crazy. Help!

(I know, you're probably thinking that I'm a loser.)
-- Archie-Comics-Crazy

Dear Crazy:
Nah... I'm not thinking that. Lots of kids read Archie. But if you're an adult male reading this, you're definitely a dweeb.

Anyway, upon research... ***SPOILER ALERT*** from what I've pieced together, out of fear of losing her chance to be with Archie after High School graduation, Veronica toned down her rich girl attitude enough to win him over. Archie then fears he might lose the new Veronica after summer when she explains her future plans away from Riverdale, so he proposes to her, and she accepts. Leading up to the wedding, Betty tries to get help from Jughead. Jughead tries to talk to Archie, but Archie doesn't listen. The day of the wedding Archie informs his best man, Jughead, that he's nervous. Instead of bringing up Betty, Jughead calms Archie's wedding jitters as a good friend would.

Leading up to the wedding, Reggie, insanely jealous, tries to foul things up between Archie and Veronica. Reggie encourages Betty to help him since he knows how she feels about Archie, but she withdraws from his scheme at the last minute, giving him away. A day before the wedding, Betty, in the mist of hatching her own plan to stop it out of desperation, gets caught by Veronica. After a lengthy argument, Veronica, feeling bad, asks Betty to be her Maid of Honor, but Betty declines. At the alter, with Betty no where in sight, Veronica starts having second thoughts about marrying Archie, but at the last minute Betty shows up, smiling with tears in her eyes. After the "I do's" and the kiss, Archie discovers Betty uncontrollably crying and wonders while looking back at Veronica if he made a mistake.

Months down the line Veronica breaks up with Archie for many reasons. Reggie toning down his selfish attitude, expressing his love for her... Her Dad's disapproval after his approval of her marriage... Cheryl's annoying flirtatious behaviour with her husband, Archie... And her waning friendship with Betty. Veronica then regrets the divorce, and it's back to the good old love triangle, competing for Archie's love with her best friend Betty.

Feel better?

KW's: exclusive, invision, prediction, played out, reasoning, obvious outcome (Duh!)