There's this guy I wish would leave me alone, but at the same time I have feelings for him. We met when he came back from Iraq for R&R, went out a little, and then he proposed to me before he left. He's been back from Iraq, and it's like he never proposed, and sees me when he wants to. I've told him to leave me alone, which wasn't easy, but he tells me that's not what I really want and that he loves me. I can see he means it, his lips trimble when he says that, but he's not the same person I met months ago. He's going back to Iraq in a month, and I don't want to wait for someone who can't make up his mind while at the same time thinks he can read mine. Well, he is right... I do want him, but I feel like I'll be waiting for nothing if he's so distant now. It's driving me crazy!
Please, Al... I need some straightforward advice.
-- Sarah, Germany
Sounds like he wants you, but is afraid to commit because of the Iraq war. Maybe he's afraid if you were to marry, you'll be filing for divorce shortly after due to his long deployment. Many military families have gone through this. Soldiers who have been on back-to-back combat deployments find it hard to intergrate back with their families due to the fear of or knowing of future deployments. They're still in war mode.
You two need to talk. Seriously talk. Don't just dump him because he hasn't given you the ring. And by chance you work things out and you both get married, don't start a family! Nothing is tougher than not being around when your child is born, missing their first birthday, and being looked at like a stranger when returning home. Take things slow until deployments are less frequent.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you both the best.