My husband obsession with Donkey Kong

Dear AL:
Almost every day my husband plays Donkey Kong since he brought this old arcade machine years ago. It keeps him out of trouble, but it's annoying that he spends more time with that game than me. He beats it every night, but keeps playing because he was told by some asshole about secret levels if he can time Mario's jump just right. I want him to time his jump with me, but he barely talks anymore while he's playing when I try to get his attention. Just holds a finger up, asking for a minute, but he never gets off it! Al, I want my husband back!
-- Andrea, California

Dear Andrea:
Hang a temporary out of order sign on his machine that also states "...can be permanent if you don't fuck me!"

After he jumps your bones, while you have his attention, tell coco there's no secret levels in that game. Back then it was all about quick profits. No one thought of hiding hidden levels in an arcade machine. If he doesn't buy it, there's always the circuit breakers. Good luck!

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