Should I Change My Dream, Or Not?

Dear Al:
It has come to my attention, finally, that not having arms can complicate my dreams of becoming a professional volleyball player. The real problem lies that I'm always late for practice because I spend a lot of time tying my shoes, you know, being blind and all, can be troublesome sometimes. When I’m at practice, some of the guys in my team always say I’m not a "team player". They get angry at me because when they ask for some Gatorade I never deliver on time but they don’t understand that without legs, it’s difficult to carry the Gatorade around! If it’s any consolation, I’m only deaf in one ear, so I usually hear them calling out for their beloved Gatorade.

So my question is, should I change my dream of being a professional volleyball player, or should I switch to my other dream, water polo?

Thanks for the help, please allow 5-10 days for a reply because typing with my nipples can be a little tiresome.
-- Bob S. Herplis, http://www.nukesandcandy.com

Dear Bob:
Look... to play volleyball requires alot of jumping, which might be a problem for you, and you can forget water polo! Sorry!

Ever thought about playing Soccer?
If the Black Knight can do it, so can you!

If any of your teammates complain about you being late again... bite-em!

Is Firefox Playing Big Brother?

Dear Al:
Every now and then when I delete my Temporary Internet files after being on the internet for about 15 minutes, System Mechanic finds and erases between 3 to 4GB of these temporary internet files! Where are all these files coming from? All this started right after I upgraded my Firefox browser to the latest version. My firewall (Zonealarm) blocks all programs trying to access the internet except Firefox, is Firefox uploading files to my computer? Is this a security flaw, or is Firefox playing Big Brother?
-- Katja, Germany

Dear Katja:
It's probably Firefox. By default, Firefox updates it's self, but you can manually turn that off under options if you're not comfortable with it. Talk to your husband about the 3 to 4GB's of temporary internet files. God help you if he has a thing for Carrot Top!

If you're also using Bill Gate's crapy Internet Explorer, that could be the problem. To see if it is, make the Internet Explorer your default browser for a few days, and if you're still having the same problem, then you found the culprit! Make Firefox your default browser, block the Internet Explorers access to the internet with Zonealarm, and that should do it.

If you're still having the same problem after that, I have nothing else to say except YOU'RE SCREWED!

You're No Dear To Me!

Al, who the heck do u think u are anyway?
U are no Dear to me.
If it haven't been for me it hadn't be any happy eastern to celebrate.
-- JudasOnline, Norway

Dear Judas:
Waah!

Love your English by the way... George!

I Have A Big Problem!

Dear Al:
A few days ago I woke up and realized there was something hard in my boxer shorts. I tried to ignore it and a few minutes later it went away. Since then I was afraid of getting this thing again. Today in school I saw a very pretty girl and suddenly I had the feeling that my trousers were too tight. I nearly started to cry, because I din´t know what was going on. here in Germany exists a magazin called "Bravo", which has got an extra part about sexuality. It´s called " Dr. Sommer Team". An inner voice told me to ask the team around Dr. Sommer for help. But I´m too afraid they print my letter in there magazin and everyone in school loughes about me. So I´m searching the anonymity of the I-Net and I´m asking you for help. What can I do against that hard thing? but the most important question is: What the hell is that thing in my boxer shorts?

Peace for the world says Friedel and wishes Al a great day.
-- Friedel, Germany, Sankt Augustin

Dear Friedel:
Sounds like you have a serious case of Bratwurst! You need to seek a professional to have it surgically removed, then visit the town hall to change your name to Frieda. I hope this helped!

Say if I Quit Chips And Coke

Dear Al:
Your solutions are crass - but funny and makes so much sense lol.

I'm so sick of being overweight and not having a life, but I'm food greedy and keep eating junk at home--> especially to CELEBRATE a weight loss X(

Say if this guy liked me now and we get along, would he ask me out after I quit chips and coke and glamour up? I duno... shout at me Al.
-- yo-yo dieter, Sidney, Australia

Dear Yo-Yo Dieter:
Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Did that help? No?

Look, you might have a chance with him right now! Quit the junkfood for yourself, not to attract this guy. Consult your doctor before you start any weight loss program, diets, or workout. I hope this helped!