Friend used me, disappeared, gave lame excuse

Dear Al:
I have been searching the internet for a place to express my discontent with a friendship and to find unbiased advice. I came across your blog and hopefully you have something enlightening to offer.

The year 2009 was a major year in the development of my personal friendships. I chose to end harmful relationships with a few people I have known for over 15 years, more than half of my life. My decisions have been very rewarding. As time passes, I feel less troubled by the decisions I have made. However, there is one friendship that has me quite confused. The friendship I speak of is the least developed relationship I have had in my life. My issue is trying to understand why it bothers me so much.

A little over three years ago we hired a new administrative assistant at my job. He was four years younger than me, so it was pretty nice to have someone working with me who I could help grow professionally. We worked very closely and I became his confidant very quickly. That was a bit awkward, but as we developed a friendship I was able to accept it more easily and still able to handle separating the professional from the personal.

Every so often we would hang out after work, play video games at my apartment, and have drinks and such – the usual friendship stuff we all know. We had much in common and quickly he began calling me his best friend. Whether it was that fact that I had good advice or that I spent more time with him than others, I was not sure. Anyhow, the major part of this became his relationship with his girlfriend. He would tell me everything and I would give him honest advice. I am in a successful 8-year gay relationship. Perhaps my experiences helped him out, when he needed the advice. Whatever it was, he confided in me and would seek me out for some type of guidance all the time. This happened only when things were bad. Since I saw him everyday it was easy to talk all the time. Eventually he got fired from the job and we saw each other less frequently, but we did hang out as usual from time to time. Then she got pregnant and things got even worse for him. I felt badly, and being the friend that I am, was very supportive and there for him anytime, any day. Ultimately things got patched up with her and he disappeared. I wouldn’t see him online, no emails, no texts or phone calls…everything died out completely. I tried a few times during his disappearance to express my discontent with the behavior, but to no avail. He would never respond or give a lame excuse and then I wouldn’t hear from him again. So I decided to end that friendship. I didn’t just end it like that – I told him I was done. As I mentioned I was going through significant changes in friendships I had for much longer than his, so losing him was no big deal.

More than a year passed and he popped up again. He began texting me and emailing me. He started telling me that he held off for long enough and that he misses me, etc, etc. I was open to discuss MY issues and I told him that I was not up for wasting time on a friendship that was one-sided. He never knew how I was really doing because he was so busy talking about his problems and I was the fool consoling him. So we discussed this and he promised to stick around and apologized for his past infractions. I had my suspicions, though. I knew things were bad for him again. Lo and behold he was in fact troubled and going through a breakup with his girlfriend, with whom he has a one year old child and lives with. I kept my guard up, but he was so persistent on hanging out all the time. He was coming over three to four times a week and actually NOT talking about his problems as much as he had in the past. I thought he seemed a bit more mature, so perhaps being so cautious was not necessary. After about three months of constant communication the holidays came and he started disappearing again. Immediately I knew things were going well with his girlfriend. I have always been an advocate of “working things out,” so I am very supportive of making things work in a relationship, especially when you have a child together. I didn’t want to make a big deal of MY issues again. I refused to come across as “dramatic” when all I really am is hurt.

So I couldn’t hold it back anymore and I sent him a text message yesterday. I asked him for 110% honesty and asked why it’s been a month and I don’t hear from him unless I reach out. Furthermore, he was here all the time, and his interest appears to have dissolved. As I expected he gave me a lame excuse about being lazy and work etc, etc. I KNOW that he doesn’t know how to balance his relationship with his girlfriend and those with his friends. I felt the need to test his honesty and he lied. I checked out FaceBook, as people seem to be more honest there than in real life, and of course, he’s back to relationship status. Now I have zero tolerance for him and I pretty much feel the need to ignore him and let that die, as I did in the past. My interest now is myself and remaining loyal to my beliefs in what a friendship should be. I know that everyone is on a different page when they define friendships, but I also know that I am not a doormat to wipe your feet clean every time your girlfriend betrays you. It’s a lose-lose situation for me and I am not sure that my decisions are always right.

So, in conclusion, I just need advice. How would you deal with this? Am I being the stubborn asshole I sometimes feel I can be?

Sincerely,
VooDoo

Dear VooDoo:
Nah... you're not an asshole. A sucker, maybe, but not an asshole.

If I was you I would take this as a lesson learned. Unless the person in need is a real friend, don't waste your time extending your hand in friendship and don't cling to hard! I'm not saying you were infatuated by him, but some might think that way since you got your Skiviez' in a twist.

Move on!

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I'm a gusher... boyfriend turned off by this.

Dear AL:
I am a gusher. My new boyfriend is turned off by this but I don't know what to do. I mean, if I get off, I gush. Suggestions?
-- Girda, Toronto, Ontario

Dear Girda:
If you're not too emotionally attached when you're not having sex, I suggest you find a new boyfriend. To most men, a women gushing is conclusive proof we're great at sex. If your boyfriend doesn't appreciate this, dump him or buy him a wetsuit... cheaper than installing a hydraulic pump by your bed.

Denied government job and banned from post!

Hey AL:
I applied for this government job on a post, and not online wasn't I picked I was banned access to this facility! They turn me away at the gate! I think it has something to do with my appearance. What are your thoughts on this?!
Greg, Stuttgart, Germany


Yo Greg:
Sucks to be you.

Seriously, if you think it's your looks, I don't think changing it now is going to make a difference. I'm sure it has something to do with your background check, and if this was performed by a government employee, there's nothing you can do. If this check was performed by a third-party screening company, you're still up shit creek if you don't have German citizenship. Even with that there's no tap dancing around a checkered past.

Karma's a bitch!

I want our old friendship back.

Dear AL:
I have a really close (or used to be) friend named jenn. She was one of my closest friends but slowly she started changing. She's always depressed, ignoring people who care, acting like the world is out to get her, lying, just being a bitch, cutting herself. Well first she put on fake scars to make all of her friends think shes cutting herself. Then when we found out it was fake she actually starts to. Not to mention she's EXTREMELY bipolar and I'm not the only one who notices this. All of her friends are slipping away. Every time I get mad at her or don’t talk to her I end up caving and apologize. I hate it but I just want our old friendship back. What should I do?
--Frances, UK

Dear Frances:
You need to call Samaritans in the UK at 08457 90 90 90 like today. They're an organization with branches all over that can help you and your friend confidentially. I can't promise you that they'll salvage your friendship, but it's a step in the right direction for your friends sake. Don't put this off if she's suicidal!

Visit their support page for more information:
http://www.samaritans.org/our_services/support_services.aspx

I hope this helped.

Welcome facebook friends!

First, I want to thank you all for stopping by and joining my blogs group. To the all my victims, friends, I will respond to your problems starting tonight.

I'll try to be gentle.

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=249463825165

I feel my boyfriend doesn't respect me

Hi Al:
Ok, so it's 2 years into the relationship and I'm starting to get the distinct impression my boyfriend no longer respects me at all!

Take today for example, hed put my front door key in his pocket by mistake! I was at my moms and he agreed to come round to mine with my key. I got to my house, phoned him, and he hadn't even left! I had to sit in my car for 45 minutes when there's snow on the ground. And then he didn't even APOLOGISE!!!

And also, can you tell me why, when I'm clearly angry with him, he will make small talk and try to play fight with me like there's nothing wrong!

Why don't men say to their girlfriends, "WHAT IS WRONG? SHALL WE TALK ABOUT THIS?"?!?!
-- Jenny, UK

Hey Jenny:
That's what you should be asking George. Either he's a freakin' idiot, which might be the case, or he's seriously trying to make you mad so you would break up with him because he doesn't have the balls to do it himself. When you're dealing with this kind of problem, don't wait for him to come fourth. Grow a pair, seriously, and confront this head on. Someone has to wear the jewels!

Hottie playing hard to get

Hey AL:
There's this hot girl I work with on my floor who's playing hard to get. My friends and hers tell me that she likes me. This hottie even tells me herself... wants to go out, but something always comes up at the last minute that she can't meet. I catch her looking at me throughout the day, but I'm not getting anywhere! How can I convince her to give me a chance? Why is she so hard to get?
-- Scott, New York City

Yo Scott:
She's probably doing you a favor.

Still interested?

Mom embarasses me. Friends ignore me. School sucks!

Dear AL:
I have a few problems here, and I was hoping to get your advice.

1) My mother has taken to contradicting me for the fun of it, and sometimes makes remarks in public that she knows will embarrass me. She's a middle-aged, professional woman, which only makes the situation more ridiculous. What do you think of this?

2) I have few friends, and even fewer really close friends, whom I can get along and enjoy going out with. All is well, except that three of them have a ridiculous habit of ignoring phone calls or messages, and basically being un-contactable. I've had instances where one turned up three hours late and casually commented that she had forgotten to turn on her mobile phone. It's getting to the point that it's ridiculous, and apologies from them just don't cut it. What should I do?

3) My school has a thing about group work, and while I get along alright with my classmates, everyone already has a fixed group of friends, which means I end up as the last, pathetic one, begging smaller groups to include me. As you see it, Al, is there anyway around it?

Please help, Al. Any advice will be appreciated!

Thanks.
- Alice

Dear Alice:
You sound like a real winner.

I'm not sure why your mom treats you like shit. Maybe it has something to do with what you say, which might explain why your friends ignore your phone calls and text messages. Doh!

Either you're annoying the fuck out of everyone, your friends and classmates with senseless rants, being too needy, or you're really nice and everyone around you are a bunch of assholes, including your mom. Even if you're an idiot, not that I'm saying you are, just if, your mom shouldn't be embarrassing you. Or maybe she's just trying to save ya from embarrassing yourself that you're taking it the wrong way. I'm not there to hear what comes out of your mouth, or why your mom embarrasses you in public, so it's not easy to figure if you're mentally challenged or your moms a bitch.

My advice to you, think before you open your mouth. Know who you're with... who you're talking to. Let people like you... not by talking them to death over stupid shit (gossip), complaining or begging, but being independent and positive. If this doesn't change your mom, fuck what she thinks. Be polite and ignore the witch. You're not going to be living with her forever, or are ya?

Accused of stealing. Clueless about culprit.

Dear Al:
I don’t know how to begin, thinking about all this had made me frustrated,enough to try every stupid thing I could, It’s a long story and I hope you’ll give me a solution that works with me.

Ever since I was small I have this habit of keeping all my friends together (which doesn’t seem to happen).When I joined jr. high school(class 9) all my friend that I previously had were separated from me, and I made new friends too, but that is later on part. But one day there were incidents of stealing in our class, everybody was confused….no body had any clue who did it, incidentally at that time I didn’t have much good friends (they came much after) so I spent most of my time alone and left the class last so, people thought I was the thief, I faced huge humiliation and there was just one girl (my oldest friend whom I didn’t talk to much) who took my side and went against everybody. Initially everybody realized that I was not the one and the matter was buried.

Later when I had this huge bffs group. We have this tradition in school of giving a good luck party to our seniors (10 grade) so we were all dressed up and wore our best of ethnic clothes we have in India. The day passed we had a lot of pics clicked up. When we later loaded them up on fb everybody realized that one of my friends, lets call her ‘S’, was wearing a band similar to one that had been stolen, later on a lot of such ‘similar’ to the stolen things were found against her, but ‘s’ was a goody girl all her records were clear and initially nobody believed that she could be the one not even me,. So we tried to put off the matter somehow, but nobody knows how(or at least till I know) she got to know that we had ‘realized’ that she was the ‘one’, and the next day she came to the class and was sitting separately, later on she started crying and confessed that somebody had told her all. Now the discussion fueled up and there were group with and against her. Initially I was with her but then turned against her too. The against group was a small one as compared to the with one. Later we had a pretty huge fight and then the against and the with people got separate. This bothered me much as now there was a cold war always going between us making separate plans and keeping sweet faces in front and backbiting, this is happening even now. The difference is that we ‘try’ to keep every thing sweet. We never knew who the culprit was and nobody wants to know too, as the whole fight was really bitter and harsh. Everything was right but somehow ‘s’ keeps brewing up new controversies against us in the with group, she keeps telling them that we are planning something against her, in fact we are not.

Now what I want is that...
1. We all get together again and everything solves up…no body has bitter feelings about anybody.
2. If that cannot happen I want the real face of ‘s’ to come up.

Please alf help me whenever I think about the old time when all of us were together with no fight it was all so great……….please help me.
- Sad Soul, India

Dear Sad:
Did it ever occurred to you that unless the stolen band was handmade, maybe the band in the photo belongs to 'S' and all the crap she's being accused of taking. It's like me being accused of stealing a pair of smelly sneakers because I happen to be wearing the same style from that brand. And oh... Don't forget my cell phone! It's looks like the same one that came up missing the day before, like the Ipod that I own that someone lost two days ago. OMG!

What choices of material do you have in your area if the band 'S' wore happens to be handmade? Maybe she made it herself and happen to pick the same material. I make a bet some of your clothes happens to match your friends. Does that mean you stole them? Oh shit!

Look, give 'S' a break. Of course she's paranoid about you and your friends. You turned against her with no proof, just the thought "Doh! she's also wearing the same perfume!" Time to grow up.

Argument with best friend. States I ditched her.

DearAL:
About an hour ago I had an argument with my best friend of about a year and a half. We go to law school together and are usually inseparable despite all the people we hang out with on campus. She recently got out of a relationship that ended badly and has changed the way she deals with people because of it, she's taken a zero tolerance approach with people.

I have now started seeing someone who is a mutual friend of ours and as of late her and him don't really see eye to eye. Because of this she doesn't go out with my boyfriend and I. So, in turn if my boyfriend would call me to go out I wouldn't call her up to avoid conflict until I could get them to both get along.

For the last three days, she wasn't calling me or texting me which I found odd since we speak everyday. She said I ditch her for guys and that she's tired of dealing with me and feels our friendship is dead. When I started dating my last boyfriend, she says I would make plans without her as well. She said that she's felt that way for awhile and has just kept quiet about it. She stated that everyone invites her out but her best friend doesn't and she is livid with me because of that. I tried to give an explanation, but she says I only make excuses for myself, and she wasn't having it. By the end of our conversation, she said she will see how things go for now, but she is unsure that I am capable of repairing my mistakes. What can I do to show her that I never meant to ditch her or offend her in any way and I value our friendship. Please help!

Thanks,
-- Becca

Dear Becca:
I know she's your friend, but life is short. You don't need this shit. The only mistakes made was her being a crabby as beotch. Let her have her space. Don't call her. And with this time to think maybe she'll come around or find someone else to make miserable..

If you do talk to her and she hasn't changed, tell her how you feel bad about what happened with her relatioship, but to stop being a downer or get lost! Sometimes tough love solves these problems, or escalates it into a cat-fight. Just be prepared. Have a helmet handy!

Boyfriend cheated. Did he ever loved me?

Dear AL:
I found out that my ex-bf has been two-timing me throughout the 3mths29days that we've been together. He has another long time gf of 17mths. This secret of his was exposed on the day when I happen to be in the same place as that couple. 3 of us quarrelled and he kept telling the girl he loves her and wants to be with her and he's very sorry. He totally ignored me and i was left to feel sorry for myself alone. Worse still, he told me straight in my face that "yes, I was two-timing u.So can u leave now". It hurts so much.
During the 3mths+ period, we did all sorts of couple things and he was nice to me as a bf. Assuring me of his love and says he misses me which totally sounded like he meant it. Because i'm someone who gets paranoid rather easily, he said things like "I don't hook up. I do couple-ly things with my gf only, and that's u". That is y i trusted him, even after i found suspicious things in his room, like hairband and a picture and letter from his most recent "ex"(his 17mths still ongoing long time gf). I told him just admit if he is really cheating but he chose to lie and gave acceptable reasons for the things i found. He told me this "ex" lasted 5mths and she still kept pestering him with msges and calls. She also kept threatening him with suicidial intentions. He told me he has been ignoring him until one day she stop bothering him.

Was he cheating with a shemale?

Continued...
I can't believe he said such things about her. And i can't believe he lied to me w/o battering an eyelid. On the first day after secret was exposed and i broke up with him, he said all he wants to say was a deep sorry. On the 2nd day after secret was exposed, I called to ask him if there was any moment when we were together, that he meant it when he say "i love u", or had true feelings for me for even a moment, he told me, "i really don't know". I said even a no answer won't hurt me, he still said the same reply.
I can never be with a man who cheats on me, even just once. I know i deserve better that's y i left him. Whereas she chose to stay with him, again, despite this not being the first time he cheats. According to her and to my astonishment, there were many girls before me during their 17mths tog. All i want to ask u is, do u think he has ever truly love me once? Or was i just a plaything/object in his eyes all the while?
-- Dianna

Dear Dianna:
I'm sorry to say that love was just a word to him. He probably doesn't mean it when he expressed his love for that guy, girl, whatever it is. Lets call her Frank.

He expressed his love to Frank in front of you and told you to leave. The scumbag did you a favor! When he said "I really don't know," when you asked him if he meant what he said about loving you in the past, he just wants to keep you wondering in hope you'll drop your guard enough so he could come back and use you again if things don't work out with his new toy.

Don't waste your time thinking about him. He's Franks problem now!

Look, you can do better. Take care of yourself.

Sexual Harrassment Complaint Over Joke

Dear AL:
I played a joke on a friend who made a sexual harrassment complaint against me. I hid under her desk, and when she came to work, I was going to surprise her by grabbing her legs, not knowing she was going to wear a dress that day. I decided not to touch her, but she saw me right away and nicked my head with a kick. I told her I was only wanted to play a joke and that I was sorry, but she pushed me out of her office and filed the complaint. Al, she always wears pants to work, and I didn't see anything when she wore a dress for the first time. They're thinking about firing me, but for the mean time moved me to a room in the basement! Al, what can I do? I'm so screwed!
-- Troubled in Australia

Yo Troubled:
You bet your ass you're screwed. I'm afraid there's nothing you can do to dig yourself out of this hole, but look at the bright side. You're still alive! :-)

Plz dun advice me on evythng belo. Thanx

Dear AL:
This is kinda gonna b a long stori..bt hope u help me out wid this..its killing me a bit dese days..obv if im not so desperate i wudnt be cuming to u..
Ok..
Btw..im a guy..not a joke..srs here..
I have a best friend...lets keep his name as A..hope the letters dunt confuse u too much..then i have this other best friend and lets call her M...
Ok..one of the problems is that im dam possessive of M...the thing is..i have a lot of feelings for her...more than a friend..n so dus she for me..bt we both r best friends so we decided to leave it bc our friendship is much more imp than going out or ny other crap..bt both of us mutually love each other a bit more than a friend n i am so madly possessive of her...
Ive read a few of ur old posts...in those u say possessive ppl r dry n they js make u loose ur personal space..ur ryt at tyms...bt ryt nw im the one giving u advice lol... she loves it wen im possessive of her bc she njois all the stf i do for her.. wen i get jealous or nything..shes tol me a million tyms that i have feelings for u bc of the way u care for me n the way ur possessive of me.. N i cnt be friends wid her widout being possessive of her...both possessiveness and being friends wid her go hand in hand..
(Value your IQ? Click this to skip to advice "Yo Ronaldo".)

Bt nw cums the hard part..
Sumtyms...it kills me...wen M toks2nybody else...i try my best not to show it...i no that im *ucking selfish..bt then thats hw i am...n i hide it bc i dun want her to loose her friends bc of the way i behave...bt then it hurts me lyk hell everyday..
N wen M toks to A(the guy best friend in the beginning)dts wen its the worst...M has tol me a million tyms that im the closest to her than nybody else in the whole world...bt still wen M speaks to nybody else or A it hurts me a lot...i no...it sux...totalli...bt i feel lyk i bcum less important to her at those tyms..and i cnt control myself till she finishes..n i get impatient..wen shes toking2nybody else..n wen her fone is ngaged...i feel so incomplete...so sad n depressd...i w8 for her to finish toking2nybody..n only wen she dus...do i feel lyk doing sumthn else..
N another thing...nythng that M says...hurts me lyk hell...i am a very senti person...n nythng she says or nybody for that matter...kills me insyd...i cry frm the insyd lyk hell..and sumtyms outsyd too..
The thing is...i still love her a lot...n ryt nw wer in college in totally different places in the world...n i no nothing is gonna happen..bt then i js keep wishing that mayb she wud change her mind...i no in the beginning i said we mutually agreed not to have ny shit..bt nw i feel lyk i love her more than nyboyd else in the world...n im ready to do nythng for her...
K AL...temme...wt do i need to do abt the possessiveness?bc wen she toks to sum1 else...or evn wid A(A and i r roomies in our college ryt nw)wen wer in the room...i cnt bear the agony...its lyk sum1 is stabbing me or sumthn...n then aftr that i wudnt be able to tok2her properly at all..for atleast a day..n she keeps asking y..n i tell her ntnz rong,..bt in reality...im js so glued to her dt i dun want ny1 in the world other than me to have her..n i no thats unfair..so dts y i want2no sum way..in which i cn take my mind off things n js forget abt it..n not tink abt it...n njoi the tyms that i get wid her..i js want2no sum way...in which i can take control over my possesivenes..
U cn forget M nw bc the stori wid M is over..
Here comes the second one..
Me n A(the guy)..r the best of best friends(and roomies)...n he means more than the world to me..
The thing is...for sumtym since lyk a month bak..some things r getting on my nerves...n there r many things i dunt understand...y im feeling lyk this,and wt i need to do to get over it.
The thing is..wen i came to college...i had my set of friends..n there were these 2guys who i wz rely close to..me n those two guys used to hang out majority of the tym in the first 2weeks of college..n then i introduced them to A...n since then...they stik wid A much more than me..
The thing is...nytym theres ny plan...or nythng...they call up A..n they tell A to tell me...in the first few wekks i wz the one wid them...n nw its totally the opposite..n it hurts me hw things hv changed..i feel lyk i wz robbed of my friends...n this has bin getting on my nerves for sum reason..
N sumtyms wen i turn up for sum plan...n A dusnt cum...both of them get so sad n they keep asking me y..n that irritates me...another thing is wen A says yes to sumthn both of them start rejoicing and they get so happy whreas since then they don’t actually worry so much if i cum or no...
I hvnt bin wid them since the last2weeks...ive got my own set of friends nw...n we go out separately..
N nw im js scared to intro ny more friends to him....bc i feel lyk they mite forget me n move on wid him..
I no this is not jealousy.,..i am happy for everytym A is happy..in each n everything...if sumthn gud for A happens...i am so happy for it..
Bt this is so different..i dunno wt to do abt it...n it dusnt stop here..
These days...wen our common friends ask abt A...i get evn more irritated...n i feel lyk evy1 in the world is more worid abt him than me..this hapnd twice or thrice recently...wen our common friend calls...n he/she speaks to me for a min n then speaks to A for an hr n keeps widout saying a bye to me...those things hurt me lyk crap..n three of my friends did the same thing to me...n those things hurt me lyk hell..
N this is the first tym im hving issues wid A...bc we hv never had nythng lyk this b/w us..
And nw evythng is getting on my nerves...our friends in college who prefer A....our common friends who keep asking abt A..nwen M toks to A...n its all getting to me...n wen he dus tok1nyboyd in the above group...it hurts me...it literally spoils my day..
Bt i dunno y..
Here comes problem number 3..
A has a best friend..lets cl her P...n me n P r very very very close friends..n since wer all in different colleges she comes onlyn to tok2us...n we cn make it n tok 2her only at sumtyms of the day..
Nw obv for P, A is more imp than i am...n i accept that too.. n i am the second most important person to P after A....n i totally understand that...n sumtyms...wen P cums onlyn n im there...n wen she asks abt A...i get totally pissd of abt it...bc she neva asks for me wen im not onlyn...bt she asks for A wen im onlyn..wt the hell is dt?y cnt she tok2me wen im deR?
N wen P calls up A...n she speaks to him n keeps the fone widout toking2me...it hurts me evn more...i no imnot as close as A...bt shes cling frm so far off..y the *uck cnt she tok2me to?wudnt that get me irritated?
N sumtyms.wen P and i have a fite...n it hurts me lyk hell lyk i tol u b4...n it ink abt it n i cnt forget it till i solve it wid P or ny1 else for dt matter..n in dose tyms...P behaves lyk she dusnt evn care...n she toks2A evn though im crying my heart out here bc of wt hapnd...n dt hurts me a lot more..
N i wana tell u sumthn...P is a gr8 person n one of the my closest friends ever..and she dus love me...bt sumtyms i feel lyk its not as much as i love her..
Yea..i rely need ur advice..
One suggestion, plz dun advice me to cut friendship wid A, M, or P...because they matter a lot to me n some of the closest ppl in my lyf widout whom i cnt evn live..
Tell me sumthn abt hw i cn get over this n forget things quickly...n hw to get over evythng ive mentioned above..
Thanx a lot
-- Ronaldo, Indonesia

Yo Ronaldo:
You seriously think I'm going to waste me time deciphering this shit?
I'm not a cryptologist!

Listen, pick up a dictionary and correct everything you wrote above. You might get a headache, but you'll be alright. Only then will I expand your cranium with wisdom that would put the Dalai Lama to shame. Kapeesh?!

u woant beh dispointet.

Swine Flu: Daughter Afraid of Guinea Pig

Dear Al:
Since my 7 year old daughter found out about the Swine Flu, and that it came from pigs, she doesn't want to play with her guinea pig anymore. I tried to explain to her that she doesn't have to worry about getting sick from Simon, her guinea pig, but she keeps telling me it's also a pig, and if I knew that he didn't come from Guinea? And you know what, I didn't. After I gave her a hug, she slowly walked away, and looked at Simon from a distance saying goodbye to him. I almost cried! What can I do to show her that she doesn't have to worry about getting sick from him?
-- Judith, Wyoming

Dear Judith:
Remind her that her guinea pig is a rodent, so there is no way she will catch the swine flu from him. And if that doesn't work, take her and her guinea pig to the vet for a check-up. I'm sure they will be more than happy to help you quench her fear.

Tell your daughter about the media assholes who are making a mountain out of a mole hill about this virus. They prey on fear to boast ratings to attract sponsors who are all just looking to make a profit. Good luck trying to explain that sentence.

Kw's: H1N1, H1N2, H3N1, H3N2, H2N3, SIV, hog, influenza, C, A, seasonal, pandemic

Chemtrails instant clouds over Germany! Worried they might trigger Swine Flu!

Dear AL:
This morning when I took my kids to school, I noticed those white planes spraying Chemtrails on the only patch of blue sky. Most of them parallel, with a few crossing them since that patch of blue sky was narrow. I also noticed before reaching the end of the only blue sky those planes turned off their trails, proving they were chemtrails. Germany has admitted to doing this. Anyway, it usually takes some time before they turn into clouds, usually up to half an hour. This time it took a few minutes and it's freakin' me out! Either they're desperately trying to save us from solar flares using nano technology to speed cloud formation along, but I can't stop thinking about the WHO predictions of a Swine Flu pandemic, specially since 20 minutes after they sprayed it made it to ground level! How's it that suppose to protect us from the sun? Is this the trigger for the mother of all pandemics? Killing us with our tax dollars? My friends keeping joking with me stating world leaders just want to put us out of our misery so we don't have to witness the implosion of Earth due to collisions at CERN's LHC in Geneva. They might be on to something there and not even know it! Al, what can we do?
-- Heidi, Bamberg, Germany

Dear Heidi:
Lock you up!

Ok... I can see chemtrails in the atmosphere to protect us from cosmic rays, but to cause a global holocaust by purposely weakening our immune system? You must be on crack! I would seriously seek professional help if I was you. Your friends might put you out of your misery if you start shouting it's to cover an incoming asteroid. Hell... maybe that's what's really going on. I hope your bunker is well stocked.

On second thought, you're going to get squashed. Never mind. :-)

He's being charged with multiple felonies.

DearAL:
I have been with the same guy for a little over 4 years. We were having a great life together when he got arrested for some bad choices he made before I met him. I wasn't aware of any of this and now my trust in him is shaken. I've been really trying to stay strong and looking at my life. I've made many positive changes and am really taking care of myself. I'm not ready to call it quits, but I don't know how to accept him keeping something so big from me for so many years. We were going to get married in May of next year, and now I'm not sure how long it will be until he's out. He is being charged with multiple felony threes.
--Kyle, Heart Broken in Co

Dear Kyle:
In Colorado, not counting class 1 felonies (murder), Beaves could go to prison anywhere from 1 to 24 years. Do you seriously want to wait for someone who kept this past a secret? Who's to say he wont do it again? It will always be in the back of your mind "Did he seriously go out with the boys to shoot pool, or to shoot someone?" Not that I'm saying he would commit this type of felony.

Here's another positive change you should make, calling it quits. Don't become his alibi for his next serious crime. You might end up doing time. Move on with your life and let him live his.

Possessive friends hate new friend with friends

Dear AL
i have a friends but when i know someone new and become friends they becomes closer 2 me than the other friends or her best friend and i feel so bad coz my friend looking 2 me and im thinking that she r annoyed so i decide not 2 know someone new if she or him have friends only if he havent friends then i can know him or her so i want soloution please
-- Beyonce, Egypt

Dear Beyonce
What?

Ok... You have friends. You also love the word friends since it's mentioned seven times in your run-on sentence. When you make new friends, your other friends become closer, or her best friend? Anyway, you feel bad cause' your friend (wasn't it friends?) looks at you like *WTF?*, making you think she (friend) is annoyed. You then decide not to make new friends if they have friends, but if a potential friend happens to have no friends (loser), then you can become friends, keeping your old friends happy and friendly.

Sounds like you hangout with bunch of bitches.

You need to talk to your old friends. Let them know you're not their property. Seeing others doesn't mean you're putting them on the back burner. You're still their friend, but they have to understand you need your space. Freedom to choose who you want to be friends with. If they refuse to accept this, give them the boot. Don't waste your time with possessive people, they'll drain you dry, making you lose your sense of self. Move on and make new friends who don't carry shackles. I hope this helped.

Kw's: needy, clingy, emotionally attached, selfish friends, kicked to the curb

Multiple deployments to Iraq... can't wait for him.

Dear AL:
There's this guy I wish would leave me alone, but at the same time I have feelings for him. We met when he came back from Iraq for R&R, went out a little, and then he proposed to me before he left. He's been back from Iraq, and it's like he never proposed, and sees me when he wants to. I've told him to leave me alone, which wasn't easy, but he tells me that's not what I really want and that he loves me. I can see he means it, his lips trimble when he says that, but he's not the same person I met months ago. He's going back to Iraq in a month, and I don't want to wait for someone who can't make up his mind while at the same time thinks he can read mine. Well, he is right... I do want him, but I feel like I'll be waiting for nothing if he's so distant now. It's driving me crazy!

Please, Al... I need some straightforward advice.
-- Sarah, Germany

Dear Sarah:
Sounds like he wants you, but is afraid to commit because of the Iraq war. Maybe he's afraid if you were to marry, you'll be filing for divorce shortly after due to his long deployment. Many military families have gone through this. Soldiers who have been on back-to-back combat deployments find it hard to intergrate back with their families due to the fear of or knowing of future deployments. They're still in war mode.

You two need to talk. Seriously talk. Don't just dump him because he hasn't given you the ring. And by chance you work things out and you both get married, don't start a family! Nothing is tougher than not being around when your child is born, missing their first birthday, and being looked at like a stranger when returning home. Take things slow until deployments are less frequent.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you both the best.