How to delete a Facebook account

Dear AL:
WhenI decided to deactivate my Facebook account, this pathetic social network tried to make me feel bad stating on the deactivation page that my friends wont be able to keep intouch with me. They'll miss me. Like we all did away with our telephones and this is the only means of communication. After being hounded to join Mafia Wars for ages, the dumbass virtual pillow fight game, asked to be put on the MyCalender 2010 application when my birthday clearly shows on my Facebook profile and all those security breaches to my privacy, this was the last straw, so I decided to delete my account permanently. Just one problem. I can't find the damn delete button! I'm trapped! I would really appreciate your help in deleting my suckbook account. I want my old life back, minus FarmVille invitations!

-- Meredith, Colorado

Dear Meredith:
I've looked for hours on my Facebook account, but I couldn't find the delete button. You better get use to those pokes.

Seriously, I did find the delete button. I had to fuckin' Google it! Facebook has purposely hidden this option so you can't permanently jump ship. Kind of reminds me of the Eagles song "Hotel California".
Last thing I remember, I was running for the door
I had to find the passage back to the place I was before
"Relax," said the night man, "We are programmed to receive
You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave"

And it's gonna get to that point when they permanently remove their hidden delete button. Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook is moving in that direction. Wonder if I should close my account while I can. Nah... I enjoy those iHeart invites. NOT!

Hey Meredith, when you delete your account, guess what, it's still there. It will take around two weeks for Facebook to remove your info from their servers, so don't mess with this process by logging in to see if it works. Resist the temptation or be forever nagged to play Texas hold 'em!


Ang said...

hahaha. you know, you can just "hide" and block any app you find annoying. I've blocked hundreds.

Anonymous said...

Holy shit! The delete button is gone! All I see is a login screen and I'm already logged in. WTF?!!!

Fathers day messages said...

Nice article.I has delete my account on face book.Go to setting and deactivate your account.Its very simple and easy way....

Anonymous said...

Deactivating your account is not the same as delete. Your information is still on Facebook. It's like deciding to throw out your old TV, so you store it in the basement and tell everyone you got rid of it.

Deactivate means disable, not delete.

Jen said...

Best way? Have everyone on your list report you to FB for various reasons. FB will delete your page COMPLETELY and quickly! (happened to a friend of mine. Now she's banned from FB) hahahah