Thanksgiving turkey, stuffing, green bean casserole... friends?

Hey AL:
I prepared a perfectly roasted turkey. Seasoned it for 2 days. Have mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, yams and green bean casserole. Lots of stuffing, dressing and dinner rolls. Cran berry sauce up the ying yang and 4 punkin pies. All this is ready to eat, but no one is here. How do I invite guests at the last minute?
-- Brandon, New York

Yo Brandon:
Call and old folks home.

Dude, invitations are planned in advance. You don't prepare a thanksgiving dinner and hope someone smells it. You could try phoning people if you have friends, but more than likely they have plans. The best thing you could do right now is bring everything to a shelter or call and old folks home. All this good food shouldn't have to go to waste.

Think of the needy today, and I don't mean yourself. You have a whole 12 months to make friends for next Thanksgiving. Start today by helping a few in your area.

Watched YouTube videos of fat belly girls... Jealous

Dear AL:
For as long as I can remember I have always loved fat bellies. I have always watched youtube videos of girls playing with their own. I became jealous. I want to know how I could get a bigger belly as soon as possible.
--Savannah, Florida

Dear Savannah:
You're kidding, right?

Darling, having a belly isn't what it's crack up to be. It might look great to you, but eventually it will droop looking like an oversized fanny pack. According to a new study from Boston University School of Medicine, besides heart attacks and heart disease, having excess fat around the Abdomen may shrink your brain boosting your risk of dementia. Those girls showing off their kegs on YouTube is a prime example.

Love yourself as you are, but if by chance you gain weight, try to keep it under control to save whatever brain cells you have left. Spare YouTube, the world another jelly performance. Please!

Boston University School of Medicine Study:
Reference link

WebMD reporting on Boston study:
Reference link

What it bees like?

Hey AL:
Thing is when we're frontin', we'll be talkin' smack and shit. But sometimes it bees like "Dawg, what you're talkin bout?" Then he'll be dissing, but not harsh and I'll be like "What the fuck?" then we're laffing like nothing happened. Another time ace bees like "Dawg, where's your game?" But I don't carry it around so I say "You dissing me?" and he smiles and then again we're laffing and shit. We play around like it's no thing, illing nonstop and snapin wit our peeps and slammin phat chicks that obviously know better, but when your mama raised you right you're wonderin' if it's all that and a pack of chips. It makes me think. So what it bees likes, Al? What it bees like?
-- Marvin, Detroit

Yo Marvin:
Bees like pollen. I hope this helped! :P

Local national installation pass violation

Dear AL:
Every other week when I work the late shift with my coworker, he goes shopping with his friend for about an hour and a half. He's a German local national with restrictions on his installation pass which is only good for going to work and that's it, but he's telling me he's allowed to leave his place of duty to get something to eat. Only thing he's been going to the shopette which sells snacks and alcohol with an American family member and when he gets back he pulls his dinner out of his backpack which he makes at home. I think he's buying alcohol because his speech is slurred by the time we close shop! My problem is that I've been delegated to run our facility while our boss is on vacation, and usually when this happens it's party time for my coworker. Besides going on his shopping spree, he sometimes leaves work early and comes to work late the following day hammered, but that doesn't stop him from roaming around post. He's a nice guy and I hate confrontation, but I'm afraid for my livelyhood. I'm not married to a service member. I'm just a civilian that can be easily fired. What can I do?!
-- Troubled in Germany

Dear Troubled:
Grab your balls/cooch and report his ass! This Pilstard might act nice, but in reality he thinks you're a chump or he wouldn't be leaving his place of duty, risking your job as well as his over a six pack of corona. He could be under surveillance, so you stating to the authorities that you didn't know he left the building wont hold water if he's done this more than once. Take care of yourself because he obviously doesn't care about you. I bet he hasn't offered you a drink, so what does that say?

My husband's best friend's affair... no where to go

Dear AL:
I moved in with my best friend because my husband admitted to an affair. Today my best friend admitted to having an affair with my husband! I can't believe it! She said she's sorry and what sucks is that I have no where to go. My parents live on the other side of the planet. She said I can stay with her but I want to scratch her eyes out! I lost all feeling for both of them, but I need a place to stay. What can I do? I want to trash his car so bad. I still have his spare keys!
-- Gia, Pennsylvania

Dear Gia:
Don't trash his car! Maybe squish grilled cheese under his seats, but don't thrash his car.

Look, he cheated, so go home and kick his ass out! You shouldn't be the one to move. I know it wont be easy staying at a place you shared with your husband... just deal with it until you find yourself another place. Longest you'll be in jail is a couple of days if you damage his car, then where are you going to live?

Big Oil Clean Energy Strategy with no investment.

Al:

I work for an international oil corporation. If you were intrusted to come up with a strategy to convert over to clean energy with mininmun investment to do so, what would your strategy be? Incase you're wondering, I don't work for BP. Very unfortunate what's happening in the Gulf of Mexico. Hopefully they stop the oil leak soon.
-- George the Oilman

Dear Gusher
Any real investment instead of those bullshit clean energy commericals on CNN will return huge profits in the future, but since you guys want to pinch pennies you could do it the old fahion way. Have us tax payers foot the bill. Why change now?

Say you want to sell hydrogen in the US:

1. Get together with the auto industry and pick a state to start with or service stations across the country.

2. Have Uncle Sam (taxpayers) foot the bill for a new hydrogen vehicle factory, fuel station conversions and new hydrogen creation plants by the ocean.

3. The technology is out there for vehicles to produce their own hydrogen while idled or in use, so your factory could also be a simple water collection/treatment plant.

4. Hydrogen vehicles will have a special fuel tank connection that will only open at hydrogen or H2O fueling stations. To conserve clean water at home (insure company profits), the government will have to inact a law where heavy fines are issued if water from homes and other public works is treated to fuel hydrogen vehicles.

5. Finally, show commercials of these real world changes on CNN. (No bullshit this time.)

6. Total conversion of all car factories and fuel stations and more water or hydrogen plants on coasts paid by taxpayers (like we had a choice in the past). Hey, if my tax dollars adverts another oil catastrophie and saves the environment, you guys can pick my pockets (I'm fuckin kidding ok!).

Big Oil Pros:
* You didn't spend a single dollar to convert to clean energy.
* No more drilling! There's a lot of ocean out there.
* During hurricane season, pump prices will go sky high! 100 dollars a barrel every summer... no fault of your own.
* You'll finally get hear Sarah Palin say "Suck, baby, suck!" but not like you're gonna get something, ok, so dream on.

Taxpayer Pros:
* Tax dollars will finally be used to save the environment, not destroy it.
* Job creation that promotes clean energy.
* When conversion to this clean technology is complete nation wide, you wont need our tax dollars anymore.
* More tax dollars for Wall Street Bailouts! Oops... that's fuckin' a con.

Now if any of you oil corporations out there inacts this clean energy strategy, remember you heard it here first. I want my two dollars! TWO DOLLARS!

Since Armageddon, I fear meteorites!

Dear AL:
Some people fear flying, swimming, dogs. Since I saw the movie Armageddon when it first came out, I fear of getting hit by a meteor. Not world annihilation, just me. I'm always looking up in hope I see it coming so I can get out of the way. I scream when birds poop on me when I walk under trees! Any advice?
-- Desperate in New York

Dear Desperate:
Stay away from forrests.

Seriously, play paintball. That will get your minds off those meteorites and on to gelatin. Stings like a bitch, but you'll be alright, that's unless you forget to wear your facemask, then you're as good a dead. I hope this helped! :-)

How to delete a Facebook account

Dear AL:
WhenI decided to deactivate my Facebook account, this pathetic social network tried to make me feel bad stating on the deactivation page that my friends wont be able to keep intouch with me. They'll miss me. Like we all did away with our telephones and this is the only means of communication. After being hounded to join Mafia Wars for ages, the dumbass virtual pillow fight game, asked to be put on the MyCalender 2010 application when my birthday clearly shows on my Facebook profile and all those security breaches to my privacy, this was the last straw, so I decided to delete my account permanently. Just one problem. I can't find the damn delete button! I'm trapped! I would really appreciate your help in deleting my suckbook account. I want my old life back, minus FarmVille invitations!

-- Meredith, Colorado

Dear Meredith:
I've looked for hours on my Facebook account, but I couldn't find the delete button. You better get use to those pokes.

Seriously, I did find the delete button. I had to fuckin' Google it! Facebook has purposely hidden this option so you can't permanently jump ship. Kind of reminds me of the Eagles song "Hotel California".

Last thing I remember, I was running for the door I had to find the passage back to the place I was before "Relax," said the night man, "We are programmed to receive You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave"

And it's gonna get to that point when they permanently remove their hidden delete button. Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook is moving in that direction. Wonder if I should close my account while I can. Nah... I enjoy those iHeart invites. NOT!

Hey Meredith, when you delete your account, guess what, it's still there. It will take around two weeks for Facebook to remove your info from their servers, so don't mess with this process by logging in to see if it works. Resist the temptation or be forever nagged to play Texas hold 'em!

Boyfriend has male breasts... boobies!

Dear AL:
This is kind of awkward, but I have to vent. My boyfriend has boobies! Now I'm not talking sags of skin after losing weight. I'm talking jugs about the size of Pamela Andersons! We've been dating for months and I never noticed them before. Then last week I noticed his chest was buldging. He told me he just finished pumping iron at his gym, which made me so hot, I convinced him to come back to my place. I've been waiting for that special day forever. Little did I know how special he was. When he took off his shirt I couldn't believe my eyes! I was expecting buldging chest muscles. Instead I got boobies! They were larger than mine and I thought I was huge! He then said he has a confession to make. He didn't workout. I then told him that I never noticed them before. He then looked down and said he had them lifted. He lifted his man boobs! I almost threw-up when I ran to the bathroom, but after a few minutes I returned to the bedroom. I was hoping he would have his shirt on, but he was standing their with his arms crossed covering his breasts with his hands! I turned away. I then asked him if he was a transsexual, but he responded no, that they're not implants. I then asked him why he had them lifted instead of having them removed. He responded while looking down at his chest that he thought they would look better instead of sagging. I then got dressed... said sorry, and haven't seen him since.

We talked today, and he said he misses me, but I can't bring myself to see him even though I miss him to. I haven't told him how I feel. Al, I know I'll get sick to my stomach if I see them again. What would you do in my shoes?

-- Uri, Taiwan

Dear Uri:
Carry a pack of Alka-Seltzer.

Seriously, if you can't see yourself mashing your boobs against his (ew...), tell him about it. Let him know how you feel about him and maybe he'll surprise you by seeing a physician again. But if his condition is ireversible and he's comfortable about his boobies, maybe you can get use to them, but until then tell him to keep his shirt on and buy yourself some Dragon Skin body armor. You'll be alright.

She's friendless, gross and insulting. Wont leave me alone!

Dear AL:
There's a girl in my neighborhood who is a year older than me, and has very few friends. I am nice to her, and to her I am a close friend. The only problem is I find it hard to be around her very often. She is constantly talking about sad or gross things which I am not interested in, and constantly insulting people I really care about. I feel terrible that she doesn't have many friends, but when I am around her I feel like there is a vacuum sucking all of my energy and happiness away. She doesn't know this, because I think it would be really cruel to tell her, and she would probably dismiss it as a joke anyway. This is just really frustrating to me, because she knows when I am home, and calls me to make plans whenever I am home. I don't want to really upset her, but when I am hanging out with her she upsets me! To make matters worse, I have a chronic illness, which is greaty affected by stress, and hanging out with her literally causes me pain. I don't know what to do!!! Please help! Thanks in advance!!!
-- Going Crazy

Dear Crazy:
You must be really crazy if you're letting this miserable bitch waste your time. How can you state that you care for your friends and let this loser insult them? She's affecting your health. WTF is wrong with you?

This girl is a fruitcake (not the one in the pic), but the problem is you, not her, and the sooner you realize this the better off you'll be. These kind of people never change.

You can do this two ways... tell the bitch to leave you alone (recommended) or hear about the time she ate her first booger which wasn't hers... It's your choice.

Friend used me, disappeared, gave lame excuse

Dear Al:
I have been searching the internet for a place to express my discontent with a friendship and to find unbiased advice. I came across your blog and hopefully you have something enlightening to offer.

The year 2009 was a major year in the development of my personal friendships. I chose to end harmful relationships with a few people I have known for over 15 years, more than half of my life. My decisions have been very rewarding. As time passes, I feel less troubled by the decisions I have made. However, there is one friendship that has me quite confused. The friendship I speak of is the least developed relationship I have had in my life. My issue is trying to understand why it bothers me so much.

A little over three years ago we hired a new administrative assistant at my job. He was four years younger than me, so it was pretty nice to have someone working with me who I could help grow professionally. We worked very closely and I became his confidant very quickly. That was a bit awkward, but as we developed a friendship I was able to accept it more easily and still able to handle separating the professional from the personal.

Every so often we would hang out after work, play video games at my apartment, and have drinks and such – the usual friendship stuff we all know. We had much in common and quickly he began calling me his best friend. Whether it was that fact that I had good advice or that I spent more time with him than others, I was not sure. Anyhow, the major part of this became his relationship with his girlfriend. He would tell me everything and I would give him honest advice. I am in a successful 8-year gay relationship. Perhaps my experiences helped him out, when he needed the advice. Whatever it was, he confided in me and would seek me out for some type of guidance all the time. This happened only when things were bad. Since I saw him everyday it was easy to talk all the time. Eventually he got fired from the job and we saw each other less frequently, but we did hang out as usual from time to time. Then she got pregnant and things got even worse for him. I felt badly, and being the friend that I am, was very supportive and there for him anytime, any day. Ultimately things got patched up with her and he disappeared. I wouldn’t see him online, no emails, no texts or phone calls…everything died out completely. I tried a few times during his disappearance to express my discontent with the behavior, but to no avail. He would never respond or give a lame excuse and then I wouldn’t hear from him again. So I decided to end that friendship. I didn’t just end it like that – I told him I was done. As I mentioned I was going through significant changes in friendships I had for much longer than his, so losing him was no big deal.

More than a year passed and he popped up again. He began texting me and emailing me. He started telling me that he held off for long enough and that he misses me, etc, etc. I was open to discuss MY issues and I told him that I was not up for wasting time on a friendship that was one-sided. He never knew how I was really doing because he was so busy talking about his problems and I was the fool consoling him. So we discussed this and he promised to stick around and apologized for his past infractions. I had my suspicions, though. I knew things were bad for him again. Lo and behold he was in fact troubled and going through a breakup with his girlfriend, with whom he has a one year old child and lives with. I kept my guard up, but he was so persistent on hanging out all the time. He was coming over three to four times a week and actually NOT talking about his problems as much as he had in the past. I thought he seemed a bit more mature, so perhaps being so cautious was not necessary. After about three months of constant communication the holidays came and he started disappearing again. Immediately I knew things were going well with his girlfriend. I have always been an advocate of “working things out,” so I am very supportive of making things work in a relationship, especially when you have a child together. I didn’t want to make a big deal of MY issues again. I refused to come across as “dramatic” when all I really am is hurt.

So I couldn’t hold it back anymore and I sent him a text message yesterday. I asked him for 110% honesty and asked why it’s been a month and I don’t hear from him unless I reach out. Furthermore, he was here all the time, and his interest appears to have dissolved. As I expected he gave me a lame excuse about being lazy and work etc, etc. I KNOW that he doesn’t know how to balance his relationship with his girlfriend and those with his friends. I felt the need to test his honesty and he lied. I checked out FaceBook, as people seem to be more honest there than in real life, and of course, he’s back to relationship status. Now I have zero tolerance for him and I pretty much feel the need to ignore him and let that die, as I did in the past. My interest now is myself and remaining loyal to my beliefs in what a friendship should be. I know that everyone is on a different page when they define friendships, but I also know that I am not a doormat to wipe your feet clean every time your girlfriend betrays you. It’s a lose-lose situation for me and I am not sure that my decisions are always right.

So, in conclusion, I just need advice. How would you deal with this? Am I being the stubborn asshole I sometimes feel I can be?

Sincerely,
VooDoo

Dear VooDoo:
Nah... you're not an asshole. A sucker, maybe, but not an asshole.

If I was you I would take this as a lesson learned. Unless the person in need is a real friend, don't waste your time extending your hand in friendship and don't cling to hard! I'm not saying you were infatuated by him, but some might think that way since you got your Skiviez' in a twist.

Move on!

I'm a gusher... boyfriend turned off by this.

Dear AL:
I am a gusher. My new boyfriend is turned off by this but I don't know what to do. I mean, if I get off, I gush. Suggestions?
-- Girda, Toronto, Ontario

Dear Girda:
If you're not too emotionally attached when you're not having sex, I suggest you find a new boyfriend. To most men, a women gushing is conclusive proof we're great at sex. If your boyfriend doesn't appreciate this, dump him or buy him a wetsuit... cheaper than installing a hydraulic pump by your bed.

Denied government job and banned from post!

Hey AL:
I applied for this government job on a post, and not online wasn't I picked I was banned access to this facility! They turn me away at the gate! I think it has something to do with my appearance. What are your thoughts on this?!
Greg, Stuttgart, Germany


Yo Greg:
Sucks to be you.

Seriously, if you think it's your looks, I don't think changing it now is going to make a difference. I'm sure it has something to do with your background check, and if this was performed by a government employee, there's nothing you can do. If this check was performed by a third-party screening company, you're still up shit creek if you don't have German citizenship. Even with that there's no tap dancing around a checkered past.

Karma's a bitch!

I feel my boyfriend doesn't respect me

Hi Al:
Ok, so it's 2 years into the relationship and I'm starting to get the distinct impression my boyfriend no longer respects me at all!

Take today for example, hed put my front door key in his pocket by mistake! I was at my moms and he agreed to come round to mine with my key. I got to my house, phoned him, and he hadn't even left! I had to sit in my car for 45 minutes when there's snow on the ground. And then he didn't even APOLOGISE!!!

And also, can you tell me why, when I'm clearly angry with him, he will make small talk and try to play fight with me like there's nothing wrong!

Why don't men say to their girlfriends, "WHAT IS WRONG? SHALL WE TALK ABOUT THIS?"?!?!
-- Jenny, UK

Hey Jenny:
That's what you should be asking George. Either he's a freakin' idiot, which might be the case, or he's seriously trying to make you mad so you would break up with him because he doesn't have the balls to do it himself. When you're dealing with this kind of problem, don't wait for him to come fourth. Grow a pair, seriously, and confront this head on. Someone has to wear the jewels!

Mom embarasses me. Friends ignore me. School sucks!

Dear AL:
I have a few problems here, and I was hoping to get your advice.

1) My mother has taken to contradicting me for the fun of it, and sometimes makes remarks in public that she knows will embarrass me. She's a middle-aged, professional woman, which only makes the situation more ridiculous. What do you think of this?

2) I have few friends, and even fewer really close friends, whom I can get along and enjoy going out with. All is well, except that three of them have a ridiculous habit of ignoring phone calls or messages, and basically being un-contactable. I've had instances where one turned up three hours late and casually commented that she had forgotten to turn on her mobile phone. It's getting to the point that it's ridiculous, and apologies from them just don't cut it. What should I do?

3) My school has a thing about group work, and while I get along alright with my classmates, everyone already has a fixed group of friends, which means I end up as the last, pathetic one, begging smaller groups to include me. As you see it, Al, is there anyway around it?

Please help, Al. Any advice will be appreciated!

Thanks.
- Alice

Dear Alice:
You sound like a real winner.

I'm not sure why your mom treats you like shit. Maybe it has something to do with what you say, which might explain why your friends ignore your phone calls and text messages. Doh!

Either you're annoying the fuck out of everyone, your friends and classmates with senseless rants, being too needy, or you're really nice and everyone around you are a bunch of assholes, including your mom. Even if you're an idiot, not that I'm saying you are, just if, your mom shouldn't be embarrassing you. Or maybe she's just trying to save ya from embarrassing yourself that you're taking it the wrong way. I'm not there to hear what comes out of your mouth, or why your mom embarrasses you in public, so it's not easy to figure if you're mentally challenged or your moms a bitch.

My advice to you, think before you open your mouth. Know who you're with... who you're talking to. Let people like you... not by talking them to death over stupid shit (gossip), complaining or begging, but being independent and positive. If this doesn't change your mom, fuck what she thinks. Be polite and ignore the witch. You're not going to be living with her forever, or are ya?

Boyfriend cheated. Did he ever loved me?

Dear AL:
I found out that my ex-bf has been two-timing me throughout the 3mths29days that we've been together. He has another long time gf of 17mths. This secret of his was exposed on the day when I happen to be in the same place as that couple. 3 of us quarrelled and he kept telling the girl he loves her and wants to be with her and he's very sorry. He totally ignored me and i was left to feel sorry for myself alone. Worse still, he told me straight in my face that "yes, I was two-timing u.So can u leave now". It hurts so much.
During the 3mths+ period, we did all sorts of couple things and he was nice to me as a bf. Assuring me of his love and says he misses me which totally sounded like he meant it. Because i'm someone who gets paranoid rather easily, he said things like "I don't hook up. I do couple-ly things with my gf only, and that's u". That is y i trusted him, even after i found suspicious things in his room, like hairband and a picture and letter from his most recent "ex"(his 17mths still ongoing long time gf). I told him just admit if he is really cheating but he chose to lie and gave acceptable reasons for the things i found. He told me this "ex" lasted 5mths and she still kept pestering him with msges and calls. She also kept threatening him with suicidial intentions. He told me he has been ignoring him until one day she stop bothering him.

Was he cheating with a shemale?

Continued...
I can't believe he said such things about her. And i can't believe he lied to me w/o battering an eyelid. On the first day after secret was exposed and i broke up with him, he said all he wants to say was a deep sorry. On the 2nd day after secret was exposed, I called to ask him if there was any moment when we were together, that he meant it when he say "i love u", or had true feelings for me for even a moment, he told me, "i really don't know". I said even a no answer won't hurt me, he still said the same reply.
I can never be with a man who cheats on me, even just once. I know i deserve better that's y i left him. Whereas she chose to stay with him, again, despite this not being the first time he cheats. According to her and to my astonishment, there were many girls before me during their 17mths tog. All i want to ask u is, do u think he has ever truly love me once? Or was i just a plaything/object in his eyes all the while?
-- Dianna

Dear Dianna:
I'm sorry to say that love was just a word to him. He probably doesn't mean it when he expressed his love for that guy, girl, whatever it is. Lets call her Frank.

He expressed his love to Frank in front of you and told you to leave. The scumbag did you a favor! When he said "I really don't know," when you asked him if he meant what he said about loving you in the past, he just wants to keep you wondering in hope you'll drop your guard enough so he could come back and use you again if things don't work out with his new toy.

Don't waste your time thinking about him. He's Franks problem now!

Look, you can do better. Take care of yourself.

Sexual Harrassment Complaint Over Joke

Dear AL:
I played a joke on a friend who made a sexual harrassment complaint against me. I hid under her desk, and when she came to work, I was going to surprise her by grabbing her legs, not knowing she was going to wear a dress that day. I decided not to touch her, but she saw me right away and nicked my head with a kick. I told her I was only wanted to play a joke and that I was sorry, but she pushed me out of her office and filed the complaint. Al, she always wears pants to work, and I didn't see anything when she wore a dress for the first time. They're thinking about firing me, but for the mean time moved me to a room in the basement! Al, what can I do? I'm so screwed!
-- Troubled in Australia

Yo Troubled:
You bet your ass you're screwed. I'm afraid there's nothing you can do to dig yourself out of this hole, but look at the bright side. You're still alive! :-)

Plz dun advice me on evythng belo. Thanx

Dear AL:
This is kinda gonna b a long stori..bt hope u help me out wid this..its killing me a bit dese days..obv if im not so desperate i wudnt be cuming to u..
Ok..
Btw..im a guy..not a joke..srs here..
I have a best friend...lets keep his name as A..hope the letters dunt confuse u too much..then i have this other best friend and lets call her M...
Ok..one of the problems is that im dam possessive of M...the thing is..i have a lot of feelings for her...more than a friend..n so dus she for me..bt we both r best friends so we decided to leave it bc our friendship is much more imp than going out or ny other crap..bt both of us mutually love each other a bit more than a friend n i am so madly possessive of her...
Ive read a few of ur old posts...in those u say possessive ppl r dry n they js make u loose ur personal space..ur ryt at tyms...bt ryt nw im the one giving u advice lol... she loves it wen im possessive of her bc she njois all the stf i do for her.. wen i get jealous or nything..shes tol me a million tyms that i have feelings for u bc of the way u care for me n the way ur possessive of me.. N i cnt be friends wid her widout being possessive of her...both possessiveness and being friends wid her go hand in hand..
(Value your IQ? Click this to skip to advice "Yo Ronaldo".)

Bt nw cums the hard part..
Sumtyms...it kills me...wen M toks2nybody else...i try my best not to show it...i no that im *ucking selfish..bt then thats hw i am...n i hide it bc i dun want her to loose her friends bc of the way i behave...bt then it hurts me lyk hell everyday..
N wen M toks to A(the guy best friend in the beginning)dts wen its the worst...M has tol me a million tyms that im the closest to her than nybody else in the whole world...bt still wen M speaks to nybody else or A it hurts me a lot...i no...it sux...totalli...bt i feel lyk i bcum less important to her at those tyms..and i cnt control myself till she finishes..n i get impatient..wen shes toking2nybody else..n wen her fone is ngaged...i feel so incomplete...so sad n depressd...i w8 for her to finish toking2nybody..n only wen she dus...do i feel lyk doing sumthn else..
N another thing...nythng that M says...hurts me lyk hell...i am a very senti person...n nythng she says or nybody for that matter...kills me insyd...i cry frm the insyd lyk hell..and sumtyms outsyd too..
The thing is...i still love her a lot...n ryt nw wer in college in totally different places in the world...n i no nothing is gonna happen..bt then i js keep wishing that mayb she wud change her mind...i no in the beginning i said we mutually agreed not to have ny shit..bt nw i feel lyk i love her more than nyboyd else in the world...n im ready to do nythng for her...
K AL...temme...wt do i need to do abt the possessiveness?bc wen she toks to sum1 else...or evn wid A(A and i r roomies in our college ryt nw)wen wer in the room...i cnt bear the agony...its lyk sum1 is stabbing me or sumthn...n then aftr that i wudnt be able to tok2her properly at all..for atleast a day..n she keeps asking y..n i tell her ntnz rong,..bt in reality...im js so glued to her dt i dun want ny1 in the world other than me to have her..n i no thats unfair..so dts y i want2no sum way..in which i cn take my mind off things n js forget abt it..n not tink abt it...n njoi the tyms that i get wid her..i js want2no sum way...in which i can take control over my possesivenes..
U cn forget M nw bc the stori wid M is over..
Here comes the second one..
Me n A(the guy)..r the best of best friends(and roomies)...n he means more than the world to me..
The thing is...for sumtym since lyk a month bak..some things r getting on my nerves...n there r many things i dunt understand...y im feeling lyk this,and wt i need to do to get over it.
The thing is..wen i came to college...i had my set of friends..n there were these 2guys who i wz rely close to..me n those two guys used to hang out majority of the tym in the first 2weeks of college..n then i introduced them to A...n since then...they stik wid A much more than me..
The thing is...nytym theres ny plan...or nythng...they call up A..n they tell A to tell me...in the first few wekks i wz the one wid them...n nw its totally the opposite..n it hurts me hw things hv changed..i feel lyk i wz robbed of my friends...n this has bin getting on my nerves for sum reason..
N sumtyms wen i turn up for sum plan...n A dusnt cum...both of them get so sad n they keep asking me y..n that irritates me...another thing is wen A says yes to sumthn both of them start rejoicing and they get so happy whreas since then they don’t actually worry so much if i cum or no...
I hvnt bin wid them since the last2weeks...ive got my own set of friends nw...n we go out separately..
N nw im js scared to intro ny more friends to him....bc i feel lyk they mite forget me n move on wid him..
I no this is not jealousy.,..i am happy for everytym A is happy..in each n everything...if sumthn gud for A happens...i am so happy for it..
Bt this is so different..i dunno wt to do abt it...n it dusnt stop here..
These days...wen our common friends ask abt A...i get evn more irritated...n i feel lyk evy1 in the world is more worid abt him than me..this hapnd twice or thrice recently...wen our common friend calls...n he/she speaks to me for a min n then speaks to A for an hr n keeps widout saying a bye to me...those things hurt me lyk crap..n three of my friends did the same thing to me...n those things hurt me lyk hell..
N this is the first tym im hving issues wid A...bc we hv never had nythng lyk this b/w us..
And nw evythng is getting on my nerves...our friends in college who prefer A....our common friends who keep asking abt A..nwen M toks to A...n its all getting to me...n wen he dus tok1nyboyd in the above group...it hurts me...it literally spoils my day..
Bt i dunno y..
Here comes problem number 3..
A has a best friend..lets cl her P...n me n P r very very very close friends..n since wer all in different colleges she comes onlyn to tok2us...n we cn make it n tok 2her only at sumtyms of the day..
Nw obv for P, A is more imp than i am...n i accept that too.. n i am the second most important person to P after A....n i totally understand that...n sumtyms...wen P cums onlyn n im there...n wen she asks abt A...i get totally pissd of abt it...bc she neva asks for me wen im not onlyn...bt she asks for A wen im onlyn..wt the hell is dt?y cnt she tok2me wen im deR?
N wen P calls up A...n she speaks to him n keeps the fone widout toking2me...it hurts me evn more...i no imnot as close as A...bt shes cling frm so far off..y the *uck cnt she tok2me to?wudnt that get me irritated?
N sumtyms.wen P and i have a fite...n it hurts me lyk hell lyk i tol u b4...n it ink abt it n i cnt forget it till i solve it wid P or ny1 else for dt matter..n in dose tyms...P behaves lyk she dusnt evn care...n she toks2A evn though im crying my heart out here bc of wt hapnd...n dt hurts me a lot more..
N i wana tell u sumthn...P is a gr8 person n one of the my closest friends ever..and she dus love me...bt sumtyms i feel lyk its not as much as i love her..
Yea..i rely need ur advice..
One suggestion, plz dun advice me to cut friendship wid A, M, or P...because they matter a lot to me n some of the closest ppl in my lyf widout whom i cnt evn live..
Tell me sumthn abt hw i cn get over this n forget things quickly...n hw to get over evythng ive mentioned above..
Thanx a lot
-- Ronaldo, Indonesia

Yo Ronaldo:
You seriously think I'm going to waste me time deciphering this shit?
I'm not a cryptologist!

Listen, pick up a dictionary and correct everything you wrote above. You might get a headache, but you'll be alright. Only then will I expand your cranium with wisdom that would put the Dalai Lama to shame. Kapeesh?!

u woant beh dispointet.

Chemtrails instant clouds over Germany! Worried they might trigger Swine Flu!

Dear AL:
This morning when I took my kids to school, I noticed those white planes spraying Chemtrails on the only patch of blue sky. Most of them parallel, with a few crossing them since that patch of blue sky was narrow. I also noticed before reaching the end of the only blue sky those planes turned off their trails, proving they were chemtrails. Germany has admitted to doing this. Anyway, it usually takes some time before they turn into clouds, usually up to half an hour. This time it took a few minutes and it's freakin' me out! Either they're desperately trying to save us from solar flares using nano technology to speed cloud formation along, but I can't stop thinking about the WHO predictions of a Swine Flu pandemic, specially since 20 minutes after they sprayed it made it to ground level! How's it that suppose to protect us from the sun? Is this the trigger for the mother of all pandemics? Killing us with our tax dollars? My friends keeping joking with me stating world leaders just want to put us out of our misery so we don't have to witness the implosion of Earth due to collisions at CERN's LHC in Geneva. They might be on to something there and not even know it! Al, what can we do?
-- Heidi, Bamberg, Germany

Dear Heidi:
Lock you up!

Ok... I can see chemtrails in the atmosphere to protect us from cosmic rays, but to cause a global holocaust by purposely weakening our immune system? You must be on crack! I would seriously seek professional help if I was you. Your friends might put you out of your misery if you start shouting it's to cover an incoming asteroid. Hell... maybe that's what's really going on. I hope your bunker is well stocked.

On second thought, you're going to get squashed. Never mind. :-)

Parents complain about my boyfriend. Running away!

Dear AL:
I'm so sick of my parents telling me what to do or complaining about what I do. Sit up straight... Don't wear that... You're on the internet too much... What's with you and your cell phone?... I can just scream!

They're now complaining about my boyfriend because he dropped out of school and doesn't have a job. My parents seem to forget that Dad was like that from what they told me, and he turned out great. What makes them think they're better than my boyfriend?

Me and my boyfriend are thinking about running away. We're only 16, but we're strong and in love. Any advice will be greatly appreciated since we'll be on our own.
--Tracy in hell

Dear Tracy:
The only advice I can give you is to stay home. You have two more years until you graduate High School, don't throw that away. During this time until you graduate you can carefully plan your great escape. Go to college. Join the Peace Corps. Move into your boyfriend's box. What ever!

Your parents are doing what all parents do. Parenting. And you know what, millions of teenagers have survived this. Your parents already experienced what your boyfriend will experience for being a dropout, so of course they're concerned that you're interested in him. I would be too if you was my daughter.

If your boyfriend is so strong, why couldn't he finish High School? I can understand if he has a learning disability, but if he has problems at home, then he needs to seek help from a school counselor.

Stay strong. Don't run away. I'm sure you've heard this before, but one day you'll be a parent. Hopefully not pushing your kid around in a box.