Since Armageddon, I fear meteorites!

Dear AL:
Some people fear flying, swimming, dogs. Since I saw the movie Armageddon when it first came out, I fear of getting hit by a meteor. Not world annihilation, just me. I'm always looking up in hope I see it coming so I can get out of the way. I scream when birds poop on me when I walk under trees! Any advice?
-- Desperate in New York

Dear Desperate:
Stay away from forrests.

Seriously, play paintball. That will get your minds off those meteorites and on to gelatin. Stings like a bitch, but you'll be alright, that's unless you forget to wear your facemask, then you're as good a dead. I hope this helped! :-)