Coming in like El Niño! by Jeremy Lavine

Dear Al:
Your apology made me feel all warm inside, like a fire burning, or heartburn. Anyway, I'm writing to you because I need some advice.
I wrote this essay called "Coming in like El Niño" not long ago, and I was wondering if I could use the same essay in another class I'm taking now, or do I have to write a new one like coming in like a hurricane?

So what do you think, Al?
Looking forward to your advice!
-- Jeremy Lavine, www.jeremylavine.blogspot.com

Dear Jeremy:
I bet you don't have any Spanish friends, am I right?

I think you should write a new essay like "Coming in like an asteroid!", because it also kills people and burns down trees! Think about it!

Kw's: essays, Lightning, author, observation, prose, writing, writer

I'm sorry, Confused Gurl!

I created my blog to help people out with their problems, not to slam them for their grammar and spelling. Even I, Al the great, makes mistakes every once in a while.

Here are a few that some of my readers caught:

Chuck, the toothless one, pointed out my mispelling of the word available. I spelled it availbale by mistake due to typing too fast! You believe me right?

Anonymous discovered this mistake "Talk to the dumbass, let her know how you feel, but if she doesn't changed, dump the moron!" That mistake happened because I changed the sentence, forgeting to correct the spelling to change to coincide with the new sentence. I'm serious people!

Dawn (aka Webmiztris) thought I was making fun of the Dormitory Boys 'was' instead of 'were' usage in a sentence I wrote to them, when it was really an honest mistake. I played it off like I was just kidding around, when I wasn't. I know... I'm bad!

Anyway, I wont be critizing anyone for mistakes in their writing anymore, unless it's confusing.

Once again, Confused Gurl, I'm sorry! So, are you still hanging out with that moron?

I'm Totally Confused!

Dear Al:
I'm totally confused and i need some advice.My close friend since 7.She can actually be a great friend at times.But when she's bad; She is REALLY BAD.I don't even know whether i regard her as a friend now.She mostly gossips about people(including me)and insult them even in front of their faces.She will also be very jealous of friends that either have a new boyfriend or other etc,and she will do whatever it takes just to have one,and when she does,she will start to show it off to everyone else,but if she did not get what she wanted,she will start critisising it.This really frustrates me.She is being such a spoiled brat!

Now,I still like her as a friend,but i also hate her at the same time.I don't know whether i should tell her what bitchy things she have done .
--Confused Gurl

Dear Confused Gurl:
Has anyone ever told you that your grammar sucks? The letter I is always capitalized, there should be a space after a comma and between sentences, but not a space before the period of the last freakin sentence! Dammit!

Look, you're the second person who wrote me that you're friends with an idiot? WTF is wrong with you people? Talk to the dumbass, let her know how you feel, but if she doesn't change, dump the moron! Simple! Easy! Now go do it!

And one more thing, critisising is spelled criticizing! Ever heard of Spell Check? USE IT!

I hope this helped!

What's it Gonna Be?

Dear Al:
Lately, since I haven't been having any luck with men, I've been getting drunk at the local bar. Where the hell are all the good guys? And I mean, GOOD GUYS!

Shit! I need to get laid!
-- Chrissie, Philadelphia, PA

Dear Chrissie:
Keep going to that bar, I'm sure you'll get lucky. Maybe with this gentlemen below!



See you all Monday!

Complaint About America's Youth.

Dear AL:
This isn't so much a problem for which I am seeking advice as it is a complaint about America's youth. I'm talking about the poor use of the English language and especially the misuse of the word random.

You can't tell me you haven't noticed. One of the most popular phrases today is "That's so random!" Every time I hear it, I want to BLEEP that stupid 14 year old girl into a BLEEP with a dictionary. When one's friend says something such as, "I love chocolate pudding" in the middle of a conversation about red shift / blue shift theories, that is not random. This friend intentionally chose to proclaim his love for chocolate pudding, for whatever reason, thus denouncing it from being random at all. The same goes for anything that's crazy or off-the-wall. It may be crazy, or it may be off-the-wall, but it certainly is not random if the person meant to say it. The lottery is random. The 50/50 lifeline on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire is random.

My question to you, AL, is what do you say I should do to help out my community and my peers in getting rid of the abuse that this word is recieving?
-- Reagen, http://joedunraygun.blogspot.com

Dear Reagen:
Once MTV's Real World and Jackass is embedded in their heads, there is no changing them! I recommend you buy a good set of earplugs.

I bet you didn't figure I would be so Random!