Trying To Love Thy Neighbor

Dear Al:
I don't know what else to do, I have these neighbors who always starting mess with me and my family. I try to ignore them, but they always trying to push the wrong button in me. They are always picking at me and my family for no reason at all. I am trying so hard to hold my temper with them. The Bible says; love thou enemies. This what I am trying so hard to do. what should I do about this? I refuse to allow them to win, and I won't leave my home.
-- Mr. Hate_drama, Mississippi

Dear Mr. Hate:
How are they picking on you and your family? What are they saying?
Is it because they're nuts, or does your front yard looks like shit?

Since you haven't given me enough info here, the only course of action I can recommend is to ignore them. Better yet, try to make peace! Talk to your neighbors, try to be helpful, invite them over for barbeques.
Love thou neighbors, and they will eventually love ya back, or think you're nuts!

I was a childhood friend of Ann Coulter

Dear AL:
I was a childhood friend of Ann Coulter when she had a different name, sex, and personality. I can't believe the monster he has become today!

He (Ann)... yes he was sweet, shy, and insecure, that a small group of children bullied him right up until the end of High School. He vowed to get even with everybody, just didn't think it would be the whole country looking the way he does now! I just can't see him in a dress!

Al, is there anyway to bring back the sweet boy I remember?
-- Anonymous Friend

Dear Anonymous:
You're joking, right? Well, Ann does have flippers for feet.

There's a point of no return, and Ann Coulter has crossed it, right after his sex change operation, so you say. What was his name before? Earl?

***Looking again*** OMG, those feet!

Anyway, anonymous, Earl is never coming back. Stop living in the past!

Update: For my readers who never heard of Ann Coulter, just check out these links:
Ann's Quotes: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Ann_Coulter
About Ann: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ann_Coulter

My Best Friend Is Not Taking My Calls

Dear Al:
i don't know what to do. my best friend of two years is not picking up my call because i stuffed up our meeting. again. but i have improved!

of course i can apologise and she will probably be happy and full-on buddies again...but, im feeling so tired of her. you know those sort of people who get cut-up even about lame things?

theres an end all feeling when shes mad at me..=(
-- Tired Friend, Sydney

Dear Tired Friend:
What do you mean you stuffed up the meeting? You invited too many people to the conference room so your friend had to sit out in the hall, or did you fart?

If you stuffed up meetings more than once, farting, whatever... I can understand her being upset if this is a regular occurrence of yours. If she's just too picky about everything, let her know how you feel, preferably outside so she wont suffocate! I hope this helped!

Comments closed on posts older than 2 weeks.

My Girlfriend Has Long Boobies

Dear Al:
My girlfriend has long boobies. I mean they're so long they reach her belly button! They never use to be that way, but they keep getting longer and longer!
I tried to talk her into getting a breast reduction and lift, but she doesn't want to do that. She's 19 years old with boobs of an 80 year old! Al, what is she doing wrong that is making her breasts stretch that long?
-- Karen, New Jersey

Dear Karen:
Your girlfriend is either ashamed or thinks it's proper to press them back, she's wearing the wrong bras, or has a connective tissue problem. Who knows... Maybe she likes them long.

Since they're stretched to the swinging point, she needs to visit a gynecologist to have them examined, who might recommend an operation to lift those babies so she can wear the proper bra, then seek psychiatric help to deal with her size if they're large. But if she's happy with the way she looks, leave her alone, unless her boobs keeps smacking you upside the head when she makes sudden turns.

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England shouldn't have lost to Portugal!

Dear Al:
I can't believe this shit! England shouldn't have lost this soccer game today to Portugal! England should be advancing to the freakin FIFA World Cup Semifinals! Portugal has been playing dirty every single game, they should have been booted from the tournament a long time ago! This is bullshit!

I hate penalty shootouts!
-- Charles, England

Dear Crybaby:
You want your Wooby?

Take it like a man, you're embarrassing yourself!

Comments closed on posts older than 2 weeks.