She's friendless, gross and insulting. Wont leave me alone!

Dear AL:
There's a girl in my neighborhood who is a year older than me, and has very few friends. I am nice to her, and to her I am a close friend. The only problem is I find it hard to be around her very often. She is constantly talking about sad or gross things which I am not interested in, and constantly insulting people I really care about. I feel terrible that she doesn't have many friends, but when I am around her I feel like there is a vacuum sucking all of my energy and happiness away. She doesn't know this, because I think it would be really cruel to tell her, and she would probably dismiss it as a joke anyway. This is just really frustrating to me, because she knows when I am home, and calls me to make plans whenever I am home. I don't want to really upset her, but when I am hanging out with her she upsets me! To make matters worse, I have a chronic illness, which is greaty affected by stress, and hanging out with her literally causes me pain. I don't know what to do!!! Please help! Thanks in advance!!!
-- Going Crazy

Dear Crazy:
You must be really crazy if you're letting this miserable bitch waste your time. How can you state that you care for your friends and let this loser insult them? She's affecting your health. WTF is wrong with you?

This girl is a fruitcake (not the one in the pic), but the problem is you, not her, and the sooner you realize this the better off you'll be. These kind of people never change.

You can do this two ways... tell the bitch to leave you alone (recommended) or hear about the time she ate her first booger which wasn't hers... It's your choice.

Friend used me, disappeared, gave lame excuse

Dear Al:
I have been searching the internet for a place to express my discontent with a friendship and to find unbiased advice. I came across your blog and hopefully you have something enlightening to offer.

The year 2009 was a major year in the development of my personal friendships. I chose to end harmful relationships with a few people I have known for over 15 years, more than half of my life. My decisions have been very rewarding. As time passes, I feel less troubled by the decisions I have made. However, there is one friendship that has me quite confused. The friendship I speak of is the least developed relationship I have had in my life. My issue is trying to understand why it bothers me so much.

A little over three years ago we hired a new administrative assistant at my job. He was four years younger than me, so it was pretty nice to have someone working with me who I could help grow professionally. We worked very closely and I became his confidant very quickly. That was a bit awkward, but as we developed a friendship I was able to accept it more easily and still able to handle separating the professional from the personal.

Every so often we would hang out after work, play video games at my apartment, and have drinks and such – the usual friendship stuff we all know. We had much in common and quickly he began calling me his best friend. Whether it was that fact that I had good advice or that I spent more time with him than others, I was not sure. Anyhow, the major part of this became his relationship with his girlfriend. He would tell me everything and I would give him honest advice. I am in a successful 8-year gay relationship. Perhaps my experiences helped him out, when he needed the advice. Whatever it was, he confided in me and would seek me out for some type of guidance all the time. This happened only when things were bad. Since I saw him everyday it was easy to talk all the time. Eventually he got fired from the job and we saw each other less frequently, but we did hang out as usual from time to time. Then she got pregnant and things got even worse for him. I felt badly, and being the friend that I am, was very supportive and there for him anytime, any day. Ultimately things got patched up with her and he disappeared. I wouldn’t see him online, no emails, no texts or phone calls…everything died out completely. I tried a few times during his disappearance to express my discontent with the behavior, but to no avail. He would never respond or give a lame excuse and then I wouldn’t hear from him again. So I decided to end that friendship. I didn’t just end it like that – I told him I was done. As I mentioned I was going through significant changes in friendships I had for much longer than his, so losing him was no big deal.

More than a year passed and he popped up again. He began texting me and emailing me. He started telling me that he held off for long enough and that he misses me, etc, etc. I was open to discuss MY issues and I told him that I was not up for wasting time on a friendship that was one-sided. He never knew how I was really doing because he was so busy talking about his problems and I was the fool consoling him. So we discussed this and he promised to stick around and apologized for his past infractions. I had my suspicions, though. I knew things were bad for him again. Lo and behold he was in fact troubled and going through a breakup with his girlfriend, with whom he has a one year old child and lives with. I kept my guard up, but he was so persistent on hanging out all the time. He was coming over three to four times a week and actually NOT talking about his problems as much as he had in the past. I thought he seemed a bit more mature, so perhaps being so cautious was not necessary. After about three months of constant communication the holidays came and he started disappearing again. Immediately I knew things were going well with his girlfriend. I have always been an advocate of “working things out,” so I am very supportive of making things work in a relationship, especially when you have a child together. I didn’t want to make a big deal of MY issues again. I refused to come across as “dramatic” when all I really am is hurt.

So I couldn’t hold it back anymore and I sent him a text message yesterday. I asked him for 110% honesty and asked why it’s been a month and I don’t hear from him unless I reach out. Furthermore, he was here all the time, and his interest appears to have dissolved. As I expected he gave me a lame excuse about being lazy and work etc, etc. I KNOW that he doesn’t know how to balance his relationship with his girlfriend and those with his friends. I felt the need to test his honesty and he lied. I checked out FaceBook, as people seem to be more honest there than in real life, and of course, he’s back to relationship status. Now I have zero tolerance for him and I pretty much feel the need to ignore him and let that die, as I did in the past. My interest now is myself and remaining loyal to my beliefs in what a friendship should be. I know that everyone is on a different page when they define friendships, but I also know that I am not a doormat to wipe your feet clean every time your girlfriend betrays you. It’s a lose-lose situation for me and I am not sure that my decisions are always right.

So, in conclusion, I just need advice. How would you deal with this? Am I being the stubborn asshole I sometimes feel I can be?

Sincerely,
VooDoo

Dear VooDoo:
Nah... you're not an asshole. A sucker, maybe, but not an asshole.

If I was you I would take this as a lesson learned. Unless the person in need is a real friend, don't waste your time extending your hand in friendship and don't cling to hard! I'm not saying you were infatuated by him, but some might think that way since you got your Skiviez' in a twist.

Move on!

I want our old friendship back.

Dear AL:
I have a really close (or used to be) friend named jenn. She was one of my closest friends but slowly she started changing. She's always depressed, ignoring people who care, acting like the world is out to get her, lying, just being a bitch, cutting herself. Well first she put on fake scars to make all of her friends think shes cutting herself. Then when we found out it was fake she actually starts to. Not to mention she's EXTREMELY bipolar and I'm not the only one who notices this. All of her friends are slipping away. Every time I get mad at her or don’t talk to her I end up caving and apologize. I hate it but I just want our old friendship back. What should I do?
--Frances, UK

Dear Frances:
You need to call Samaritans in the UK at 08457 90 90 90 like today. They're an organization with branches all over that can help you and your friend confidentially. I can't promise you that they'll salvage your friendship, but it's a step in the right direction for your friends sake. Don't put this off if she's suicidal!

Visit their support page for more information:
http://www.samaritans.org/our_services/support_services.aspx

I hope this helped.

Mom embarasses me. Friends ignore me. School sucks!

Dear AL:
I have a few problems here, and I was hoping to get your advice.

1) My mother has taken to contradicting me for the fun of it, and sometimes makes remarks in public that she knows will embarrass me. She's a middle-aged, professional woman, which only makes the situation more ridiculous. What do you think of this?

2) I have few friends, and even fewer really close friends, whom I can get along and enjoy going out with. All is well, except that three of them have a ridiculous habit of ignoring phone calls or messages, and basically being un-contactable. I've had instances where one turned up three hours late and casually commented that she had forgotten to turn on her mobile phone. It's getting to the point that it's ridiculous, and apologies from them just don't cut it. What should I do?

3) My school has a thing about group work, and while I get along alright with my classmates, everyone already has a fixed group of friends, which means I end up as the last, pathetic one, begging smaller groups to include me. As you see it, Al, is there anyway around it?

Please help, Al. Any advice will be appreciated!

Thanks.
- Alice

Dear Alice:
You sound like a real winner.

I'm not sure why your mom treats you like shit. Maybe it has something to do with what you say, which might explain why your friends ignore your phone calls and text messages. Doh!

Either you're annoying the fuck out of everyone, your friends and classmates with senseless rants, being too needy, or you're really nice and everyone around you are a bunch of assholes, including your mom. Even if you're an idiot, not that I'm saying you are, just if, your mom shouldn't be embarrassing you. Or maybe she's just trying to save ya from embarrassing yourself that you're taking it the wrong way. I'm not there to hear what comes out of your mouth, or why your mom embarrasses you in public, so it's not easy to figure if you're mentally challenged or your moms a bitch.

My advice to you, think before you open your mouth. Know who you're with... who you're talking to. Let people like you... not by talking them to death over stupid shit (gossip), complaining or begging, but being independent and positive. If this doesn't change your mom, fuck what she thinks. Be polite and ignore the witch. You're not going to be living with her forever, or are ya?

Plz dun advice me on evythng belo. Thanx

Dear AL:
This is kinda gonna b a long stori..bt hope u help me out wid this..its killing me a bit dese days..obv if im not so desperate i wudnt be cuming to u..
Ok..
Btw..im a guy..not a joke..srs here..
I have a best friend...lets keep his name as A..hope the letters dunt confuse u too much..then i have this other best friend and lets call her M...
Ok..one of the problems is that im dam possessive of M...the thing is..i have a lot of feelings for her...more than a friend..n so dus she for me..bt we both r best friends so we decided to leave it bc our friendship is much more imp than going out or ny other crap..bt both of us mutually love each other a bit more than a friend n i am so madly possessive of her...
Ive read a few of ur old posts...in those u say possessive ppl r dry n they js make u loose ur personal space..ur ryt at tyms...bt ryt nw im the one giving u advice lol... she loves it wen im possessive of her bc she njois all the stf i do for her.. wen i get jealous or nything..shes tol me a million tyms that i have feelings for u bc of the way u care for me n the way ur possessive of me.. N i cnt be friends wid her widout being possessive of her...both possessiveness and being friends wid her go hand in hand..
(Value your IQ? Click this to skip to advice "Yo Ronaldo".)

Bt nw cums the hard part..
Sumtyms...it kills me...wen M toks2nybody else...i try my best not to show it...i no that im *ucking selfish..bt then thats hw i am...n i hide it bc i dun want her to loose her friends bc of the way i behave...bt then it hurts me lyk hell everyday..
N wen M toks to A(the guy best friend in the beginning)dts wen its the worst...M has tol me a million tyms that im the closest to her than nybody else in the whole world...bt still wen M speaks to nybody else or A it hurts me a lot...i no...it sux...totalli...bt i feel lyk i bcum less important to her at those tyms..and i cnt control myself till she finishes..n i get impatient..wen shes toking2nybody else..n wen her fone is ngaged...i feel so incomplete...so sad n depressd...i w8 for her to finish toking2nybody..n only wen she dus...do i feel lyk doing sumthn else..
N another thing...nythng that M says...hurts me lyk hell...i am a very senti person...n nythng she says or nybody for that matter...kills me insyd...i cry frm the insyd lyk hell..and sumtyms outsyd too..
The thing is...i still love her a lot...n ryt nw wer in college in totally different places in the world...n i no nothing is gonna happen..bt then i js keep wishing that mayb she wud change her mind...i no in the beginning i said we mutually agreed not to have ny shit..bt nw i feel lyk i love her more than nyboyd else in the world...n im ready to do nythng for her...
K AL...temme...wt do i need to do abt the possessiveness?bc wen she toks to sum1 else...or evn wid A(A and i r roomies in our college ryt nw)wen wer in the room...i cnt bear the agony...its lyk sum1 is stabbing me or sumthn...n then aftr that i wudnt be able to tok2her properly at all..for atleast a day..n she keeps asking y..n i tell her ntnz rong,..bt in reality...im js so glued to her dt i dun want ny1 in the world other than me to have her..n i no thats unfair..so dts y i want2no sum way..in which i cn take my mind off things n js forget abt it..n not tink abt it...n njoi the tyms that i get wid her..i js want2no sum way...in which i can take control over my possesivenes..
U cn forget M nw bc the stori wid M is over..
Here comes the second one..
Me n A(the guy)..r the best of best friends(and roomies)...n he means more than the world to me..
The thing is...for sumtym since lyk a month bak..some things r getting on my nerves...n there r many things i dunt understand...y im feeling lyk this,and wt i need to do to get over it.
The thing is..wen i came to college...i had my set of friends..n there were these 2guys who i wz rely close to..me n those two guys used to hang out majority of the tym in the first 2weeks of college..n then i introduced them to A...n since then...they stik wid A much more than me..
The thing is...nytym theres ny plan...or nythng...they call up A..n they tell A to tell me...in the first few wekks i wz the one wid them...n nw its totally the opposite..n it hurts me hw things hv changed..i feel lyk i wz robbed of my friends...n this has bin getting on my nerves for sum reason..
N sumtyms wen i turn up for sum plan...n A dusnt cum...both of them get so sad n they keep asking me y..n that irritates me...another thing is wen A says yes to sumthn both of them start rejoicing and they get so happy whreas since then they don’t actually worry so much if i cum or no...
I hvnt bin wid them since the last2weeks...ive got my own set of friends nw...n we go out separately..
N nw im js scared to intro ny more friends to him....bc i feel lyk they mite forget me n move on wid him..
I no this is not jealousy.,..i am happy for everytym A is happy..in each n everything...if sumthn gud for A happens...i am so happy for it..
Bt this is so different..i dunno wt to do abt it...n it dusnt stop here..
These days...wen our common friends ask abt A...i get evn more irritated...n i feel lyk evy1 in the world is more worid abt him than me..this hapnd twice or thrice recently...wen our common friend calls...n he/she speaks to me for a min n then speaks to A for an hr n keeps widout saying a bye to me...those things hurt me lyk crap..n three of my friends did the same thing to me...n those things hurt me lyk hell..
N this is the first tym im hving issues wid A...bc we hv never had nythng lyk this b/w us..
And nw evythng is getting on my nerves...our friends in college who prefer A....our common friends who keep asking abt A..nwen M toks to A...n its all getting to me...n wen he dus tok1nyboyd in the above group...it hurts me...it literally spoils my day..
Bt i dunno y..
Here comes problem number 3..
A has a best friend..lets cl her P...n me n P r very very very close friends..n since wer all in different colleges she comes onlyn to tok2us...n we cn make it n tok 2her only at sumtyms of the day..
Nw obv for P, A is more imp than i am...n i accept that too.. n i am the second most important person to P after A....n i totally understand that...n sumtyms...wen P cums onlyn n im there...n wen she asks abt A...i get totally pissd of abt it...bc she neva asks for me wen im not onlyn...bt she asks for A wen im onlyn..wt the hell is dt?y cnt she tok2me wen im deR?
N wen P calls up A...n she speaks to him n keeps the fone widout toking2me...it hurts me evn more...i no imnot as close as A...bt shes cling frm so far off..y the *uck cnt she tok2me to?wudnt that get me irritated?
N sumtyms.wen P and i have a fite...n it hurts me lyk hell lyk i tol u b4...n it ink abt it n i cnt forget it till i solve it wid P or ny1 else for dt matter..n in dose tyms...P behaves lyk she dusnt evn care...n she toks2A evn though im crying my heart out here bc of wt hapnd...n dt hurts me a lot more..
N i wana tell u sumthn...P is a gr8 person n one of the my closest friends ever..and she dus love me...bt sumtyms i feel lyk its not as much as i love her..
Yea..i rely need ur advice..
One suggestion, plz dun advice me to cut friendship wid A, M, or P...because they matter a lot to me n some of the closest ppl in my lyf widout whom i cnt evn live..
Tell me sumthn abt hw i cn get over this n forget things quickly...n hw to get over evythng ive mentioned above..
Thanx a lot
-- Ronaldo, Indonesia

Yo Ronaldo:
You seriously think I'm going to waste me time deciphering this shit?
I'm not a cryptologist!

Listen, pick up a dictionary and correct everything you wrote above. You might get a headache, but you'll be alright. Only then will I expand your cranium with wisdom that would put the Dalai Lama to shame. Kapeesh?!

u woant beh dispointet.

Savings Wane. Freeloader, friend, not paying rent!

Dear AL:
So for the past month or so I've been "renting" a room with a friend. At first I was supposed to pay the rent for 2 weeks while she found a job or got family to pay... But now it has been 5 weeks and she has not paid! On Monday I told her to give me either her half of the rent by today (Thursday) or she would have to move out by this coming Monday. Her reply was "okay." since then she has been getting home like at 4am when I am obviously asleep since I work in the mornings and she doesn't wake up till way after I am gone. I have a feeling that she is planning on not paying this week. Can I really kick her out? I am the only person with a contract with the land lady... Do you think that I can ask her for her keys and move her stuff to the hallway if she doesn't pay? I am saddened because we used to be good friends but my savings are almost gone... Please give me advice on what to do...
-- Noret, the city that never sleeps

Dear Noret:
Kick the bitch out! This freeloader is no friend if she's treating you like Ugly Betty. As soon as she steps out, move her stuff into the hall, and give her a call. Better she finds out right away that you kicked her out to avoid a raving bitch banging on your door at 4am. Before the call, try to have a friend over for support, but avoid physical or verbal confrontation with the leech. Last thing you need is her suing you because your friend gave her a knuckle sandwich. She'll have plenty of money then.

If she doesn't give you the keys, call in sick the next day, and have the land lady change the locks. Explain to her that you lost your spare, and that you just recieved three disturbing phone calls of heavy breathing 20 minutes apart. You have to lay it on thick if you don't want that bitch screwing with your stuff while you're at work. I know it's not easy since she use to be a friend, but it has to be done. She's taking you for a sucker!

Anyway, even if she was to find a job, there's a chance she wont pay what she owes since she was able to get away with not paying in the past. She'll probably come up with reasons not to pay her share, or pay enough, stating she needs it for a car, pay off credit card debt, plane ticket to visit her parents, ect... Fuck that! Follow what I stated above, and kick her ass out!

Kw's: diminishing nest egg, losing reserves, taken advantaged of, deceived, swindled, duped, fooled, pushover (Just trying to motivate you. Don't be a sap!)

Made out with her uncle who's close to 30

Dear AL:
I recently turned 18 and after clubbing slept at a friends with her and two other guys. We all crashed on the double bed and I ended up making out with her uncle who is close to 30. My friend suspects that we hooked up, although we tried to hide it and I think she's upset about it. What should I do? Her uncle called me today and said to just say that we were flirting with one another and it didn't go any further than holding hands etc. What if she saw us kissing or something?
-- Eliza

Dear Eliza:
Time to grow up. There's a good chance she saw you two kissing since you all shared the same bed, so lying to her will enforce her beliefs that you're both dating. Tell your friend the truth. If you are dating, it's better to come clean if you value your friendship. It's not your fault you're attracted to a loser who can't find a woman his own age. She'll understand.

Kw's: friendship, friendships, problem, teen, teenager, adult, flirt, advice, family

I'd push her off a building, but I can't

Dear Al:

I have two friends whom I am very close to. Well, closer to one than the other, but that's beside the point. So late last year, the one whom I'm closer to, whom we shall call A, has had a friend. This friend seems to have no one but A, so clings on to A like A was a lifebuoy in the dead sea.

I wouldn't bother about it, since the fact that A enjoys being a lifebuoy has nothing to do with me, except that A allows the damn barnacle to join us three, almost ALL THE FREAKING TIME!

She's even gone so far to join the same club as us so she can leech on to A. LORD HELP US.

I'd push her off a building, but I can't get the barnacle alone, because she's always trying to be around A.

*Tears hair out*

-- Annoyed Girl

Dear Annoyed: *Gluing her hair back on*
You're friends with A. Ok... close friends, but it seems like you're latched on to this buoy like the barnacle. Maybe A's reaching out to this other person because you're crusting A to death. If that's not the case, the way your message reads, it wont be long before you're scraped off with a putty knife.

You're not married to A... not dating... so A can see whomever. You either accept the barnacles presence, crust and all, or find someone else to cling too. That doesn't mean you can't ask A out on a date, just don't be surprised if A brings a pressure washer. I hope this helped!

Friends emotionally stress use blanks

Dear AL:
Its me again. Come with another problem bout my friends. I have two friends, they both girl. They had same problem, when they got emotionally stress , they blank themselves with blank, n felt relieved when they see blank blank blank.
The first one getting her stress from fight with her step-mother, and the second one usually stress coz of fight with his boyfriend. His?
Um, the first one started getting psycho. Once, she angry with a loud-mouth boy in our class, and she cornered him on corridor n talked sarcasm to him while holding a blank and a blank, pointed straight at his nose.
So.. i hope ur advice. Thanks!
Sincerely,
- Monika, Indonesia

Dear Monika:
Sorry about the blanks.

My advice to you, get as far away from these crazies you call friends before one of them pulls a blank on you, and blank you up. If you need to move to another country since you're surrounded by crazies, MOVE! Just one more thing, they'll send you to prison if they catch you boarding a plane with a blank, so leave it home, alright!

I'm kidding. I know you're not violent, Monika. Just do what I said above, and get away from them. If it's not easy to do, then just be nice until you get your chance to RUN! Take care of yourself, babe.

Best friend made a couple breakup

Dear AL:
My best friend is a wolf. He made a couple breakup (that couple is our juniors). Now the boy make revenge by wrote a sarcasm poetry (titled “Looser” – good – sound like Ace Ventura) and posted it on our school’s bulletin board, make him embarrassed. When we read it (and laughed at it too), my best friend asked me to re-write that poetry (it’s written by hand before), and I made a nice, bling-bling, full of heart and flower, with Kahlil Gibran’ word inside, printout version of that poetry, and I posted it at bulletin board too. But next day when we saw that printout version, he asked my opinion about this problem, and I said “Honestly, you deserve this. You’re really a bastard wolf.” Then he said “You don’t understand me.” And he got angry. Well, that breakup couple is also friends of mine too. Nah, how can I make this situation better or even worse? I’d like to hear your opinion too.

Thanks, AL..

PS: Sorry if my English is bad... I’m Indonesian. hahaha
-- Monika, Indonesia

Dear Monika:
Don't worry about your English, I understood everything. So your best friend is mad at you because of your opinion of what he did to your other friends. Does Bastard Wolf mean asshole?

The best thing you could do right now is to stop calling him bastard wolf, and don't even think about stupid chimp. Drop what he did to your other friends, that's unless he's an evil leopard, then I suggest you get away from him before he morphs into a fathead rhinoceros. I'm just saying.

Our friend is engaged to be married at 17

Dear AL:
HELP! Our friend says she is engaged to be married at 17 and she has a HUGGGEEE “real” ring to prove it. She won’t listen to her best friends when we tell her that this is the biggest mistake of her life. The reason we say this is because her boyfriend is a screw up big time. They have made a whole “plan” to get pregnant just so that they can live together. They have been having sex without a condom for over a month now. And the worst thing is her parents either don’t care, or don’t know. We’ve tried to talk some sense into her but she won’t even reconsider her decision. She says it’s what they want. Is it wrong to not support her? We don’t know what to do. The situation has gotten way out of hand.
-- Lauren, US

Dear Lauren:
I knew a moron like that, and now she's a single parent, while her ex is having sex without a condom in prison for way over a month now. Years!

Anyway, since she wont listen, you can either anonymously tell her parents, or let her learn the hard way, but keep your distance to avoid the drama. Believe me, when she sees how stupid their decision was after the fact, she will drive you nuts complaining and asking for help to change poopy diapers. Don't put up with that shit!

Let her know from the get-go that you don't want to hear any complaints when the going gets rough, and it will. Not only is she giving up the remainder of her teen years to bare a kid for this screw-up, they will both lose their chance to go to college. Her fiancee will have to find work to support them, and with his lack of qualifications due to his age, he'll be flipping burgers at McDonald's, making minimum wage, which might not be enough to pay rent to his parents.

Lauren, go on with your life. If she wants to push a stroller, it's not your problem.

Best friend had an affair with my husband

Dear AL:
Last week my best friend told me that she's been having an affair with my husband for over 3 months. I've asked her why she did this, and she said she was stupid, but wished it never happened because my husband wont leave her alone. Not because she betrayed our friendship, felt bad, or was afraid she would get caught. Asshole wouldn't leave this bitch alone, so she called it quits. She then said sorry, and asked if I could tell him to leave her alone and if I want to go clubbing with her. I was speachless. It's like, hey, I've been fucking your man, you want to help me find more? I just walked away.

The same day after throwing my husband out with the help of my brothers, I bumped into my exfriend at a grocery store, and she told me she will pick me up Friday to go out, so be ready. I was so enraged, when she wasn't looking, I hit her with a bunch of bananas. Should have hit her with the green ones!

She calls me almost everyday trying to appologize for what she done, but I just can't talk. I've destroyed one of my phones because of her. My other friends are helping me through this, just wish this traitor leave me alone. What can I do to get her off my back?
-- Lost for words, Canada

Dear Lost:
You need to speak up. Tell this beotch she can shove her friendship, and if that doesn't work, just keep giving her the finger. Beats attacking her with bananas and other groceries. Think of the money you save.

Kw's: adultery, adultry, affair, affairs, cheater, cheating spouse, infidelity, marriage, unfaithful

I dont see us together in the long run

Dear AL:
Should I go out with someone I don't love? He is not a friend, so we only meet for dates. Indeed I enjoyed his company but I don't see us together in the long run. Whereas my family only wants me to consider potential husbands...
-- Yvonne, Sydney, Australia

Dear Yvonne:
Nothing wrong with having a fuck buddy, but don't put your eggs in one basket if you don't see a future with him. I'm not saying to hunt down potential husbands like a desperate old lady, or to stop seeing this guy, just spread the love around and have a good time. Make sure this guy knows right off the bat that you only enjoy his company and nothing more, because he might see a future with you, specially if his family is coaching him on to date potential wives. Don't lead this guy on if he wants more than a peace of ass, because the next thing you know he'll drop to his knees, and it's not to give you head!

Should I blank her with a blank

Dear AL:
I'm annoyed with this bitch who likes to steal the attention of my so-called best friend. Should I blank her with a blank or blank up her entire blank?
-- Allie

Dear Allie:
Sorry about the blanks. There are a lot of copycats out there, and the last thing I want is for them to blank up their life for blanking someone elses.

Look, why don't you stop being such a hater. Maybe that's why this girl is attracting your friends attention. Who wants to be around a miserable bitch who wants to blank? Not me!

I bet you want to blank me now, don't ya? ba-ha!

She knows I fuckin' hate waiting

Hey Al:
I hate the girl who hangs out with me and my best friend. Well, not exactly; I hate that my best friend always puts her before me. She knows I fucking hate waiting for ANYONE and she still insist on making me do so because she wants to be with the stupid bitch.

Do I dump her, which isn't a choice, because I'm a social pariah whom everyone hates, or do I kill the bitch and hope my best friend doesn't find out?
-- Liza

Hey Liza:
Maybe if you stop being such a hater and focus on good times, everything will be ok. This other girl is probably about having good times while all you do is go waaaaahhh... Loosen up, or your friend will dump ya, then you'll really have something to bitch about.

I hope this helped. :)

Want your opinion about it first.

Dear Al:
How about this problem..:)

I am on the verge of telling my closest friend, who leads a straight life, that my dad is going to be sentenced for selling drugs in a few days.

I just wanted your opinion about it first...

yours sincerely,
--Jacqueline, Australia.

Dear Jacqueline:
He had it coming!

Seriously, if you're best of friends, then it shouldn't be a problem telling her, but if you two are the type of girls who just care about your image, her nose is gona go so high when she hears this news you'll see her boogers. I hope this helped!

Should I stay friends, or call it quits?

Dear AL:
So, you say you're a problem solver. Can you please help me?

See, I have this friend of mine. We've known each other for a really long time, and lately we've begun to fight a lot. Each time we fight, I end up breaking down. I used to cut myself over this friend. [But i don't now.] He's been there for me a lot - and I used to like him - we decided to try going out, but sadly, that didn't end too well. We just had another fight recently, but I don't know this time. Should I stay friends with him, or call it quits?
Thanks - <3 , California

Dear <3:
Deep down it probably upsets him that you're both not together, but being friends for a long time doesn't mean you owe him an intimate relationship, and if he doesn't understand that, then it's best to call it quits. Some people can be friends for ages and still not know each other, and if you're both fighting now, imagine when you're together.

Friends welcome each other's company, exchange advice, show understanding, and engage in mutually helping behavior, but if he's yelling "Bitch! Give me another chance!" you have a problem. Take care of yourself, move on!

I thought we can still remain as friends

Dear AL:
My boyfriend and I broke up and he has been avoiding me for a week. I thought we can still remain as friends, yet what he does made me feel really sad.
-- THAT GIRL

Dear Girl:
Either your ex-boyfriend is cold, or he's avoiding you because he still has feelings for you, and can't bear being just a friend. Give him his space, and maybe he will come around, but be prepared if he doesn't. In the mean time, get on with your life, go out with your friends, masturbate!

I hope this helped!

Like many a hapless man he can't see her games

DearAL:
My boyfriend insists on seeing his ex-girlfriend socially still which i find hard to deal with. am i being a psychotic jealous bint, or is it reasonable to ask then to stop meeitng. Btw-i have a suspision she is being manipulative and like many a hapless man he can't see her games.

Many thanks,
-- Baire, England

Dear Baire:
Sounds more like you can't see through his games, and if you're allowing them to meeit, you are a psychotic bint!

now if they became friends after their breakup, months before meeting you, then i wouldn't be suspisious about their friendship unless he spends more time with her than with you. but if you two started dating soon after they broke-up, or if you was the reason for their breakup, then you have a problem.

since this is driving you crazy, tell him he has a choice, either you or her. if he wont drop his friendship, break it off with him, then use your free time wisely so the next person you email wont make fun of your writing. i hope this helped!

Technorati: advice, advice blog, advice blogger, counsel, recommendation, recommendations, opinion, opinions, friendship, friendships, relationship, relationships, jealously, boyfriend, boyfriend

A friend thinks I should pull a Britney Spears

Dear AL:
First I have to say, I really enjoy reading your blog.
I'm a known actress, but not on the scale my manager thinks I have the potential to become. I played in a few movies, episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and other TV series. Anyway, a friend of mine thinks I should pull a Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan upskirt, by letting photographers catch me with no underwear underneath a miniskirt. She keeps telling to do this, and it's getting on my nerves. My friend who's an unknown actress is the best, but how can I tell her that I'm not gona pull a pathetic stunt like that?
-- Your California Fan

Dear Fan:
Giving away clues? Do you want me to tell my readers who I think you are, or pretending to be? Get a life! But if you're that actress... Where were you when I went to band camp? :P

Anyway, tell your friend that showing off your cooch will just justify those morons thinking that the only thing females have worth anything is their vagina. You're obviously very intelligent for making it as far as you did in the entertainment industry. If she continues bugging you to do this, remind the genius where she stands in the food chain compared to you, then throw her a biscuit. Hope this helped!

Technorati: advice, advice blog, advice blogger, counsel, recommendation, recommendations, opinion, opinions, friendship, friendships, Britney Spears, Britney, Studivz, Spears, Spear, Lindsay Lohan, crotch shot, upskirt, up skirt, photo, nude photo, vagina, entertainment, entertainment industry, star