I'm Totally Confused!

Dear Al:
I'm totally confused and i need some advice.My close friend since 7.She can actually be a great friend at times.But when she's bad; She is REALLY BAD.I don't even know whether i regard her as a friend now.She mostly gossips about people(including me)and insult them even in front of their faces.She will also be very jealous of friends that either have a new boyfriend or other etc,and she will do whatever it takes just to have one,and when she does,she will start to show it off to everyone else,but if she did not get what she wanted,she will start critisising it.This really frustrates me.She is being such a spoiled brat!

Now,I still like her as a friend,but i also hate her at the same time.I don't know whether i should tell her what bitchy things she have done .
--Confused Gurl

Dear Confused Gurl:
Has anyone ever told you that your grammar sucks? The letter I is always capitalized, there should be a space after a comma and between sentences, but not a space before the period of the last freakin sentence! Dammit!

Look, you're the second person who wrote me that you're friends with an idiot? WTF is wrong with you people? Talk to the dumbass, let her know how you feel, but if she doesn't change, dump the moron! Simple! Easy! Now go do it!

And one more thing, critisising is spelled criticizing! Ever heard of Spell Check? USE IT!

I hope this helped!

What's it Gonna Be?

Dear Al:
Lately, since I haven't been having any luck with men, I've been getting drunk at the local bar. Where the hell are all the good guys? And I mean, GOOD GUYS!

Shit! I need to get laid!
-- Chrissie, Philadelphia, PA

Dear Chrissie:
Keep going to that bar, I'm sure you'll get lucky. Maybe with this gentlemen below!



See you all Monday!

Complaint About America's Youth.

Dear AL:
This isn't so much a problem for which I am seeking advice as it is a complaint about America's youth. I'm talking about the poor use of the English language and especially the misuse of the word random.

You can't tell me you haven't noticed. One of the most popular phrases today is "That's so random!" Every time I hear it, I want to BLEEP that stupid 14 year old girl into a BLEEP with a dictionary. When one's friend says something such as, "I love chocolate pudding" in the middle of a conversation about red shift / blue shift theories, that is not random. This friend intentionally chose to proclaim his love for chocolate pudding, for whatever reason, thus denouncing it from being random at all. The same goes for anything that's crazy or off-the-wall. It may be crazy, or it may be off-the-wall, but it certainly is not random if the person meant to say it. The lottery is random. The 50/50 lifeline on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire is random.

My question to you, AL, is what do you say I should do to help out my community and my peers in getting rid of the abuse that this word is recieving?
-- Reagen, http://joedunraygun.blogspot.com

Dear Reagen:
Once MTV's Real World and Jackass is embedded in their heads, there is no changing them! I recommend you buy a good set of earplugs.

I bet you didn't figure I would be so Random!

I'm Very Unhappy

Dear Al:
I live in the shadows of my friend, and I mean it literally.It's not that she's bad or anything but the problem is that everything seems to revolve around her.Every guy(not all just the one i really cared about) I had the slightest feeling towards is interested in her and when I mean every guy, I meant it.Between the two and a half years of knowing her, I have had a total of two male friends whom I am fond of after her, but here's the catch, she's already off the market.
-- Shadow, M'sia

Dear Shadow:
These guys don't want you more than a friend, and you know this.
Are you nuts?

Stay friends with them, but don't waste your time, they're off the market! I hope this helped!

Burger King Is Slow As Hell!

Dear Al:
I have a problem with the local Burger King, they're slow as hell! I'm not sure if it has anything to do with the lack of employees, or the two fat cows that are preparing the meals in the back! One girl is about 200 pounds, and the other girl is as heavy as a Mack truck! They can barely maneuver in the kitchen, and one time they pinned each other, that they had to use the Jaws of Life to free them! I'm not freakin kidding!

Either these girls are eating them out of business, or their roads blocks in the kitchen are slowing them down! Al, what should I do?
-- Extremely Frustrated, California

Dear Extremely Frustrated:
Stop going there, genius!

I bet your ASS is wider than those two girls put together!