My Wifes Scheme, Candy Cigarettes

Dear AL:
My wife constantly buys our youngest candy cigarettes, like what she did with our daughter who is now an addicted teenage smoker! My wife tells me it's harmless, but I figured out her sick scheme, bum off cigarettes from our kids! Yep, that's what she's been doing with our teenage daughter while pretending to have quit! Everyday my wife disappears to my daughters room for a smoke! I caught her dozens of times! Since our daughter announced two weeks ago that she's moving out, my wife has been buying our son two packs of these cigarrette candies a day! WTF!

Al, I'm thinking about getting a divorce if ass breath doesn't cut this shit out! Help!
-- Kevin, Texas

Dear Kevin:
Ass breath... I mean your wife is one sick bitch! Don't just think about it, threaten her with divorce and custody of your son if she doesn't stop buying these candies! Tell her to seek help, like a good shrink, and take your son to a dentist, pronto!

The American Cancer Society "Kick the Habit" info recommends the following suggestions to smokers on their quiting day:

* Do not smoke. "Like, no duh!"
* Get rid of all cigarettes, lighters, ashtrays, and any other items related to smoking.
* Keep active—try walking, exercising, or doing other activities or hobbies.
* Drink lots of water and juices.
* Begin using nicotine replacement if that is your choice.
* Attend stop smoking class or start following a self-help plan.
* Avoid situations where the urge to smoke is strong.
* Reduce or avoid alcohol.

I hope this helped!


Chuck said...

I love those cigarette candies! She can buy me some!

Vengelyne said...

Maybe Kevin can hook his wife up with Chuck?

lastlifeinmyuniverse said...

one of my 6 yr old students once treated her pencil as a cigarette and pretended to smoke. and i thought that was disturbing.

not a bad idea venge... provided his wife is willing... which i doubt it.