I'm a gusher... boyfriend turned off by this.

Dear AL:
I am a gusher. My new boyfriend is turned off by this but I don't know what to do. I mean, if I get off, I gush. Suggestions?
-- Girda, Toronto, Ontario

Dear Girda:
If you're not too emotionally attached when you're not having sex, I suggest you find a new boyfriend. To most men, a women gushing is conclusive proof we're great at sex. If your boyfriend doesn't appreciate this, dump him or buy him a wetsuit... cheaper than installing a hydraulic pump by your bed.

Denied government job and banned from post!

Hey AL:
I applied for this government job on a post, and not online wasn't I picked I was banned access to this facility! They turn me away at the gate! I think it has something to do with my appearance. What are your thoughts on this?!
Greg, Stuttgart, Germany

Yo Greg:
Sucks to be you.

Seriously, if you think it's your looks, I don't think changing it now is going to make a difference. I'm sure it has something to do with your background check, and if this was performed by a government employee, there's nothing you can do. If this check was performed by a third-party screening company, you're still up shit creek if you don't have German citizenship. Even with that there's no tap dancing around a checkered past.

Karma's a bitch!