Underwear Streaks Making Me Sick!

Dear AL:
I'm a mother of 3 beautiful children, and one funky ass husband! I don't ask for much out of life, take care of everybody and the house, but these streaks in my husbands underwear is getting on my f-ing nerves! I can't take this shit anymore!

I've told him a million times to clean his ass good, to use the whole damn roll of toilet paper if he has to, and he says he does, but he's full of shit!
I mean come on, how hard is it to wipe your ass? It's not rocket science!

Al, I know you're gona have a field day with this email, but I don't care!
If you can help me solve this problem with the streaks in my husbands underwear, I'll do your laundry! His shit is driving me crazy!

You're a guy, and I'm sure you shit your shorts before, what did you do to solve this problem?
-- Loraine, Bronx, New York

Dear Loraine:
No comment!

Wifey Holding Out!

Dear AL:
It's been ages since the last time me and my wife had sex, and I'm about to explode! Everytime I try to touch her she keeps pulling away, and I know I don't stink. We use to do it 2 times a day if it was possible, but right after our first kid and our marriage it all went down hill, and I'm at the bottom!

I'm so horny I masturbate everyday, until last night when my wife caught me watching a video on my computer called "Do Me All Night Long", and she went crazy, then we fought all night long, so you know I'm never gona watch that video again!

I know your readers will probably think bad about me, that I'm a sick perverted little man with a small penis who only cares about sex, but if you haven't had it in over 8 months I'm sure alot of people will be going nuts to!

Please AL, I need your help! What can I do to get her interested in my fine ass again?
-- Mister Big, New Jersey

Dear Mister Big:
Some women for some strange reason lose interest in sex after a while, which could be the case with your wife. But maybe you just suck, and not as fine as you think you are. I'm sure your wife didn't marry you for your looks, and doesn't mind your small penis, but maybe she's tired from taking care of the house and kids all day. Instead of expecting her to spread eagle, try treating her like a queen, surprise her with something nice, help out around the house, then maybe she will show interests in you and your small penis again.