Showing posts with label personal problem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal problem. Show all posts

My breast implants are crooked. Nipple out of place!

Dear AL:
Not long ago I got myself breasts implants, and from day one I noticed they're uneven. One boob is lower than the other and a nipple is out of place! An inch and a half higher and my nipple would be under my chin! The plastic surgeon told me that it was normal after surgery and that it would correct itself, but they haven't! I have to wear padding to make my breasts look level, but then one looks smooth while the other one is perky. Just pointing to my face!

I want to see another plastic surgen to fix this, but my breasts are under warranty. I'm afraid the surgen who implanted them will mess up again, but at the same time a new surgeon could make matters worse. What should I do?
-- Molly, California

Dear Molly:
Return your boobies! More than likely the surgeon who done your implants will mess up again, or he might get lucky leveling your breasts, but your nipples might end up cockeyed.

If your breasts are under warranty like a Michelin tire, return them and get a full refund. Don't forget to get the before photos so the next surgeon could restore your rack back to what they were before, that's unless you want to chance augmentation again. Just a few words of warning... Implants wear after a few years and you will be back for a tune-up, but more than likely a clean-up. A nipple staring you dead in the eye will be the least of your worries. Think about your health!

Avira Free Antivirus installed Ask.com trojan, AskStub.exe


Dear AL:
I was a long time user of Avira Free Antivirus up until it infected my computer with a replicating trojan. While installing Avira, it asked if I wanted to install the Ask.com toolbar which I declined. Well Avira secretly installed a trojan belonging to Ask.com called the AskStub. For over a week the AskStub.exe trojan has been trying to access the internet from various locations on my operating system, but my Zonealarm firewall blocked each attempt displaying where this trojan was located at the time. Not knowing it was linked to Avira, I tried using Avira Free Antivirus to detect it, but it found nothing. I then decided to uninstall Avira Free Antivirus since it couldn't detect it and while doing so it paused while Ask.com's AskStub trojan attempted to access the internet again. Suspicious, I cancelled the uninstallation of Avira, then attempted the uninstallation again of Avira which activated the AskStub trojan again. Thinking this had to be a coincidence, I cancelled and restarted the uninstallation of Avira Free Antivirus and it launched the AskStub trojan again! Each time I cancelled the uninstallation of Avira using Windows Task-Manager, Avira's uninstallation would remain paused on my screen until I commanded ZoneAlarm to block the AskStub trojan. Why is that? Why is this happening? What is Avira trying to deliver to Ask.com?
-- Mr. Avira Hater, Silicon Valley

Hey Mr.:
Avira is delivering your soul! Avira is making money from Ask.com by installing the AskStub trojan on to your computer. The AskStub trojan is like a hidden autonomous browser, hijacking, zombifying your system to visit Ask.com to make it seem to advertisers that Ask.com is popular which is why they paid Avira to make this trojan as part of their antivirus install. This trojan might even be clicking links to visit advertisers websites to make it seem you're interested in their products. Your system might have been checking out Viagra and other enchancements products, giving away your email like you're desperate for a pecker-picker-upper. Excuse me if you are!

Anyway, by Avira Free Antivirus installing the AskStub trojan onto your computer, makes Avira Free Antivirus a trojan itself. If Avira went this far to the dark side, don't be surprised if Avira leaves a little something behind when you do uninstall it. If you're never to use there product again which they know will happen, they are sure as hell going to try to continue to make some money from this loss. You're probably visiting sites selling blow-up dolls at this very moment! Hopefully you haven't brought one!

Buy yourself a good antivirus!

How to fix an over brine thanksgiving turkey



Dear AL:
My thanksgiving dinner is ruined! Right now everyone is sitting in the livingroom waiting on my turkey which tastes like the Dead Sea! My bird usually tastes great after brining it with salt and spices for a couple of days, but the turkey my husband brought home was KOSHER! It was already salted to death and I added on top of that! Al, I don't want to feed my guests only stuffing. What can I do?!
-- Army wife, Germany


Dear Army wife:
Send your husband to McDonalds.

Look... I'm sure it's late over there. The only thing you could do is feed them stuffing and whatever else you have prepared. No way you'll be able to fix that turkey. Your bird might be ruined, but don't let that ruin the rest of the night. Be thankful your friends showed up to fill up on bread.

I'm sure everyone would get a good laugh out of this, that's unless they're porkers who were looking to get stuffed, then you're screwed!

Happy thanksgiving!

My feet stink. What would you do in my shoes?

Dear Al:
The most wonderful man I ever had in my life left me. He left me because my feet stink! I haven't noticed it myself that night, but when he started becoming distant to the point that he kept getting up to use the toilet every ten minutes at our favorite restaurant, I knew something was wrong. At first I thought it was diarrhea when I asked him to which he responded "Don't you smell it?" I said jokingly "It's ok... you cleaned your ass pretty good." He then said "Not me, you..." which I responded "I don't have the runs." Then all of a sudden he got up stating that he has to run, but it wasn't to the toilet this time. He ran out of the restaurant! When I caught him outside he apologized and said that he couldn't do this anymore and almost threw up as he pointed to my feet! I was speechless! I knew I had a little problem, but I didn't think it was that bad! He then walked away, looking back at me... slowly panning down to my feet. I then caught myself a taxi, but was only driven halfway home before I got kicked out!

Al, I've been together with this person for almost two months, but it feels like forever! There's got to be something I could do about my feet! What would you do in my shoes?
-- Leslie, Down Under

Dear Leslie:
Take them off! Think I want to stink?!

Seriously, you need to wash your feet twice everyday in a bathtub or basin. You wont get good results showering to avoid touching your funk. Once they're dry, powder them. Try to wear open sandals. But if you have athletes foot, cover that crap with socks! See a freakin doctor!

You also need to change out your shoes. Don't rock the same ones everyday!

Maybe he'll come back once you have corrected this problem. But if not, at least the people at the restaurant will be happy.

He's cool... Should I act like nothing happened?

Hey AL:
I need your help!!! I don’t understand this man that I met and I need your advice!!!

Long story short, I have known this man called “P” for about a year, P ‘s boss is my business client and that’s how I come to know him. We have known each other for about a year and during these period, we only communicating with each other once every two /three months (For biz purpose).

Out of the blue, P invited me to lunch 2 weeks ago and I didn’t know it was a date or not, but I said yes anyway. During the 4 hours lunch, he talked a lot about himself (from his childhood to his adult life and more personal stuff (like his relationship with his family) that I didn’t expect to hear. I didn’t really talk much during the lunch as I did encourage P to talk more of himself and I was very intrigued with his life stories and experience (but I also realised I can only see him as a friend). He insisted paying for the lunch and when I objected, he said I could pay for the next one….


I did send him a thank you email on the same day but I haven’t heart from him eversince!!! So I shoot him an whatsapp msg yesterday but he ignored me!! WTH?? OK..eventhough P doesn’t think I am datable, can’t we just be friend?? He seems like a cool guy to hangout with and now I feel a bit awkward about the next time we have a business meeting! How should I react? Should I just pretend we didn’t even have that “lunch” thing and just try to act like nothing happened?
-- Confused Woman

Yo Confused Woman
You're probably confused as to why I haven't responded in over two months, which is not new to you the way you handle that business relationship. You stated before that your communication with P was once every two to three months and your concerned why he hasn't responded to your message two weeks after that lunch together? The man is ignoring you and you're asking me how you should react at your next business meeting? Well, here's a clue. Don't ask him how's his family is doing during your PowerPoint presentation!

Your first mistake was having lunch with your client's employee! You've done business with P. You don't take him up for a corn-dog!

Second, there shouldn't be a second! Anyway, second, as soon as P opened up about his pathetic life, you should've stopped him at birth! You should've looked at your watch and remembered your meeting with an imaginary client.

Third... pretty sad it's gone this far. Sending P a thank you email after you probably thanked him for lunch (another mistake) was moronic. Never say THANK YOU! Those words are for retailers on the store floor! It wasn't an official date, and why thank someone who made your ears bleed?

Fourth... whatever... Don't worry if P is present at your business meeting with your client. The man has ignored you (smart move on is part) for over two weeks. That lunch was a mistake, so carry on like it nevered happened. If for some reason P brings it up out of embarrassement due to your professionalism at the meeting say "No problem... Lets talk business." If he insists to talk about it say "Sorry... Meeting someone for lunch," and get your ass out of there! Don't stick around to listen to his current life story, doing your clients laundry!

If you're out of business by now since I haven't responded in time, chalk this up as a lessoned learned. You'll know what to do in your next life!