How can I stop liberal drivers speeding in my neighborhood?

Dear AL:
I have two children, an eight year old and a five year old and I'm constantly worried about liberal speeders who pass through my neighborhood. My 8 year old's friends live just across the street, and he knows the rules to look both way before he crosses, but I escort him across out of fear of those crazy liberal drivers. I also fear for my safety as well as my childs since they drive so fast. Is there anything I can do to stop these liberal maniacs?

Vicki, Danger Road, surrounded by liberals

Dear Vicki:
Liberals? How do you know they're not Teabaggers?

Look, attend your next community council meeting and make a request for speed bumps. The speed bumps will also inconvenience you as well as your neighbors, but think of your family's safety. Even with speed bumps you should still cross the street with your child until these morons get use to these gentle reminders.

Just don't build your own, it's against the law!

My wife's driving scares me

Hey AL:
Ever drove with a woman who takes tight turns around corners and end up facing the opposite flow of traffic, make a U-turn on a fuckin' Highway, follow other cars too close, or every other month destroy a side mirror exiting a garage? I'm married to one of those geniuses! I talked to her yesterday like many times before about going to a driving school, but she wont do it. Today she crashed into a woman's shopping cart killing all her vegetables! What's it gona take for her to understand that she can't drive for shit?
-- Dave, Idaho

Yo Dave:
This!

Any gates where you're at?