My Girlfriend Has Long Boobies

Dear Al:
My girlfriend has long boobies. I mean they're so long they reach her belly button! They never use to be that way, but they keep getting longer and longer!
I tried to talk her into getting a breast reduction and lift, but she doesn't want to do that. She's 19 years old with boobs of an 80 year old! Al, what is she doing wrong that is making her breasts stretch that long?
-- Karen, New Jersey

Dear Karen:
Your girlfriend is either ashamed or thinks it's proper to press them back, she's wearing the wrong bras, or has a connective tissue problem. Who knows... Maybe she likes them long.

Since they're stretched to the swinging point, she needs to visit a gynecologist to have them examined, who might recommend an operation to lift those babies so she can wear the proper bra, then seek psychiatric help to deal with her size if they're large. But if she's happy with the way she looks, leave her alone, unless her boobs keeps smacking you upside the head when she makes sudden turns.

Comments closed on posts older than 2 weeks.

England shouldn't have lost to Portugal!

Dear Al:
I can't believe this shit! England shouldn't have lost this soccer game today to Portugal! England should be advancing to the freakin FIFA World Cup Semifinals! Portugal has been playing dirty every single game, they should have been booted from the tournament a long time ago! This is bullshit!

I hate penalty shootouts!
-- Charles, England

Dear Crybaby:
You want your Wooby?

Take it like a man, you're embarrassing yourself!

Comments closed on posts older than 2 weeks.

Clueless About My Boyfriend's Behaviour

Dear Al:
I'm really clueless about my boyfriend's behaviour, it took him about a month to kiss me for the first time, then we "tried" to have sex a month later after that, but it didn't turn out very well, so I suggested we needed more practice together...we still haven't done it ever since, and it's been a year since we started dating!!!(that's almost 9 month without sex, in case you were doing the math)
I'm in need for a guy's opinion, doesn't he like me? then why is he still with me? how can I take him to bed (without sounding too desperate)?
I'll be waiting for your advice, so please, PLEASE, answer to my message, I do need help!
-- clueless girl, Spain

Dear Clueless:
He likes you like a buddy, that's why he's still with you. The best way to get him in the sack is to have your best friend (Chuck, whomever) sleep over, but don't take sloppy seconds!

Seriously, maybe he has a complex, or he's a closet case, unsure of his sexuality. You two have to talk, and don't take no for an answer. Don't ask him if he's gay, that's a sure deal breaker if he's not! Let him spill his guts, but if he doesn't want to talk, move along. You're wasting your time!

Comments closed on posts older than 2 weeks.

How Can I Get His Attention Again?

Dear Al:
I'm crazy about a blogger, but I don't think he's crazy about me after our last chat. I said something I shouldn't have "I'll bear your babies!", but I was just kidding, kinda. Al, how can I get his attention again? Should I let him see me via webcam, even if he doesn't have his own? Should I give him my phone number like he's been asking? I really don't want to loose him, we've been chatting online for two months!
-- Nicole, Louisiana

Dear Nicole:
Mr. wonderful is playing ya! The reason why he's giving you the cold shoulder is to trick you into giving into his demands. This guy could be a nut looking to try out his new knife set, soil some oats, or copy your image via webcam to post on his alternate blog "Girl's I've Tricked Into Giving Me Their Phone Numbers, And Webcamming Before Scoring.com"

Ignore him! life is too short to be playing games with your life!

Comments closed on posts older than 2 weeks.

Getting Married In 20 Minutes!

Dear Al:
In about 20 minutes I'm getting married, but I'm so nerves! Nobody from my family is gona be at our wedding since my fiancee told them not to come, but that's because she said that her parents didn't have enough money for the party afterwards since they already arranged it for 500 of her family. Everything is going according to my future bride's plans, and the suit she brought for me looks great, but something doesn't feel right! I don't want to be nerves at the alter of our wedding, she'll kill me!

Al, I would really appreciate some last minute advice, but please make it short! Thanks!
-- Dominic, El Paso, Texas

Dear Dominic:
Run!

Comments closed on posts older than 2 weeks.