Didn't Make The Cut

Dear Al:
Yesterday was tryouts for our community flag football team, but I didn't make the cut. I've been playing this game for ages!
I'm a pro! I did make the mistake of tackling a player during the tryouts, but that can happen to anybody when you're all souped-up! Any idea how I can get these kids to change their minds?
-- Jenkins, New York

Dear Jenkins:
Kids? You must be older than dirt! There's only so many players a team can have on their roster, and if they have their players you're out of luck. Your best bet is to attend the games, because you never know when they might be short a player, then that's your chance to fill in. Just remember one thing, there is no tackling in flag football, at least the way I play it, but if you want an early retirement, keep it up!

Boyfriend Doesn't Respect Me In The Slightest

Dear AL:
ok..so where do i start??...i know ur a common guy awnsering this so im not expecting a miricle just maybe a round about awnser on what my man may be thinking....
im 22 and have a four yr old son...i started seeing my bout 2 and half yrs ago..when we were five months going out he did the dirty on me(ie he cheated(only kissing and gropping))...then after forgiving him i decided to forgive him and we were like any other couple with the usual arguments untill lately...my son was diagnosed with mild autism last september and may i stress very very mild...my boyf has been great...he can be tough on my son but i know he loves him so so much and i know my son adores him to bits...but the problem is that my boyfriend doesnt respect me in the slightest...hed prefer to leave me at home when he goes out... will come to visit me when ever it pleases him and it doesnt matter what i say..maybe its me to oand i will accept some of the blame i can be a bit clingy and i will admit to that but it just seems to me that hes having his cake and eatin it at the same time if you know what i mean... hes said to me so many times after bein together 2 and half years that hes movin to america when he finishes his apprentiship to become an electritian...so i really wonder will he leave me or is this a self esteem issue for him and is he just trying to make himself feel better...please reply...desperatly seeking advice xxx
-- Shauna, Dublin, Ireland

Dear Shauna:
Your man is thinking that he found himself a sucker! Sorry, but someone has to tell you like it is!

He's tough on your son and you allow this, goes out on his own all the time, then scares you stating he's gona leave, so you cling to him like he's the last guy on earth. When the opportunity presents itself, he will leave you, that's for sure. He's only looking out for #1, himself! You are nothing but a doormat to him!

Shauna, you are wasting your time. Think about your future, your sons well being! There are alot of nice fun guys out there, but you will never meet them if you don't drop this bum! You can try talking to him, but more than likely he's gona tell you what you want to hear, or threaten to leave for the states like before, then pull the same bullshit with you all over again! He's playing games with your head, time you pulled the plug!
I hope this helped! Take care of yourself and your son!

My site shares the same server as Joe Lieberman's!

Dear Al:
My site shares the same server as Joe Lieberman's! Why can't Ned Lamont play fair? This DOS attack of his is not only hurting Lieberman, but it's also hurting mines!

myHOSTCAMP.com is a great service! I've been with them for over 2 weeks! Not one time have they went down until recently!

Deep down I know Ned Lamont is a closet Republican that Bush is trying to get elected! He has everyone fooled! Joe was agains't everything about Bush, except the war because he was kissing his ass, but that wasn't enough, so Bush kissed him back to ruin his chances in keeping his Senate seat! Ned is going to all lengths, including attacking Joe's site, which is also an attack on myHOSTCAMP.com!

Al, what's your take on this? Can I sue Ned?
-- Jannis, Use to be online

Dear Jannis:
Whoa! That was deep!

You truly believe Ned Lamont is a closet Republican like wannabe Joe? Did you forget to take your medication?

How can you judge a webhost if you only been with them for only two weeks, Georgette? myHOSTCAMP.com and your site are down because Joe Lieberman's site exceeded it's bandwidth on an overcrowded server. You can read more about this on the Daily Kos homepage.

You have a better chance at suing Joe than Ned, unless you're retarded. Have a nice day!

Update: After reading Mr. Bob Dobolina comment on Wonkette, I did a little research and discovered that myHOSTCAMP.com is a reseller for The Planet. Like Joe Lieberman, Jannis, you're hosting your site with a business that's hosted on another webhost! LOL!

Working Two Girls, How Do I Play This?

Yo Al:
I'm currenly seein two girls, my wife and her best friend. Her best friend wants me to spend more time wit her, but my wife is so needy dat I barely have time to see myself in a mirror. How can I work both of dem witout gettin caught? I Can't afford a divorce right now!

I only want an answer how to play dis, not how fucked up you might dink dis is. Danks!
-- Terrence, Komton, CA

Dear Terrence:
You're SCREWED!

Message from your wife (edited for decency):

You muddafudin cheating piece of shit! I show you Al's blog and your illiterate crack ass writes him for advice? I'm a regular here you fuckin dumbass! You have one hour to pack your bags before I clock your ass with my wiffle bat! Tell my dear friend "the ho" to keep her distance or I'll clock her ass too!

We live in Compton, not Komton!
-- Tamara, Compton, CA

You tell him, Tamara!

Why Are Most Women So Boring To Hang Out With?

Dear Al:
When my husband and his brothers all get together for an outing, the wives are expected to hang out together too. But I don't enjoy hanging out with the women who only want to talk about babies and clothing and home decor and all of that crap. I'd rather hang out with the guys! They have so much more fun! For me, hanging out with the women is TORTURE! And going to baby showers? Don't even get me started! I feel like how a guy would feel if he were forced to go to a baby shower: calm looking on the outside but screaming, "GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" on the inside! What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm sending this question in to several 'advice' sites because I really need as much advice on this matter as possible!

-- Dawn (webmiztris), Bumfuck Nowhere, PA
http://webmiztris.blogspot.com

Dear Dawn:
So what's wrong with baby showers? Oops!

Dawn, there is nothing wrong with you, and not all women are boring to hangout with, unless you live out in bumfuck nowhere! It's time you broke this tradition of your husbands family! When the boys go out to play, spend at least half an hour with their wives before you tell them you have a birthday party to go to, need to cheer up an old friend, have to set-up some amps for a concert, need to beat the crap out of Brendan Fraser privately for standing-up your girlfriend! And once you're out of the house, do what you do best... party!

If your husband has a problem with this, make him attend a baby shower... Twice! I hope this helped!

Kw's: bore, boredom, dull, tiresome