I'm a gusher... boyfriend turned off by this.

Dear AL:
I am a gusher. My new boyfriend is turned off by this but I don't know what to do. I mean, if I get off, I gush. Suggestions?
-- Girda, Toronto, Ontario

Dear Girda:
If you're not too emotionally attached when you're not having sex, I suggest you find a new boyfriend. To most men, a women gushing is conclusive proof we're great at sex. If your boyfriend doesn't appreciate this, dump him or buy him a wetsuit... cheaper than installing a hydraulic pump by your bed.

Denied government job and banned from post!

Hey AL:
I applied for this government job on a post, and not online wasn't I picked I was banned access to this facility! They turn me away at the gate! I think it has something to do with my appearance. What are your thoughts on this?!
Greg, Stuttgart, Germany


Yo Greg:
Sucks to be you.

Seriously, if you think it's your looks, I don't think changing it now is going to make a difference. I'm sure it has something to do with your background check, and if this was performed by a government employee, there's nothing you can do. If this check was performed by a third-party screening company, you're still up shit creek if you don't have German citizenship. Even with that there's no tap dancing around a checkered past.

Karma's a bitch!

I want our old friendship back.

Dear AL:
I have a really close (or used to be) friend named jenn. She was one of my closest friends but slowly she started changing. She's always depressed, ignoring people who care, acting like the world is out to get her, lying, just being a bitch, cutting herself. Well first she put on fake scars to make all of her friends think shes cutting herself. Then when we found out it was fake she actually starts to. Not to mention she's EXTREMELY bipolar and I'm not the only one who notices this. All of her friends are slipping away. Every time I get mad at her or don’t talk to her I end up caving and apologize. I hate it but I just want our old friendship back. What should I do?
--Frances, UK

Dear Frances:
You need to call Samaritans in the UK at 08457 90 90 90 like today. They're an organization with branches all over that can help you and your friend confidentially. I can't promise you that they'll salvage your friendship, but it's a step in the right direction for your friends sake. Don't put this off if she's suicidal!

Visit their support page for more information:
http://www.samaritans.org/our_services/support_services.aspx

I hope this helped.

Welcome facebook friends!

First, I want to thank you all for stopping by and joining my blogs group. To the all my victims, friends, I will respond to your problems starting tonight.

I'll try to be gentle.

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=249463825165

I feel my boyfriend doesn't respect me

Hi Al:
Ok, so it's 2 years into the relationship and I'm starting to get the distinct impression my boyfriend no longer respects me at all!

Take today for example, hed put my front door key in his pocket by mistake! I was at my moms and he agreed to come round to mine with my key. I got to my house, phoned him, and he hadn't even left! I had to sit in my car for 45 minutes when there's snow on the ground. And then he didn't even APOLOGISE!!!

And also, can you tell me why, when I'm clearly angry with him, he will make small talk and try to play fight with me like there's nothing wrong!

Why don't men say to their girlfriends, "WHAT IS WRONG? SHALL WE TALK ABOUT THIS?"?!?!
-- Jenny, UK

Hey Jenny:
That's what you should be asking George. Either he's a freakin' idiot, which might be the case, or he's seriously trying to make you mad so you would break up with him because he doesn't have the balls to do it himself. When you're dealing with this kind of problem, don't wait for him to come fourth. Grow a pair, seriously, and confront this head on. Someone has to wear the jewels!