I'm psychologicaly damaged!

Dear AL:
I still can't believe what I saw yesterday! I wanted to gouge my eyes out! I walked in on my parents in the bathroom while my mom was giving dad oral sex! It was digusting! There dad was, standing in his hairy birthday suit, while Mom performed oral sex with her pruned lips! They was sagging everywhere!

Why can't they be like normal parents and stop having sex? I know your readers will find this funny, but I'm psychologicaly damaged!
-- Grace, college student

Dear Grace:
It could have been worse!



Filed under: confused, family matters, personal problems, sex, videos, YouTube

At The End Of My Rope!

Dear Al:
I'm not sure what's wrong with me! I never see the bright side of things. I'm constantly nagging about every little thing. I'm very clingy, but when I get rejected, I go crazy! I pick fights with my coworkers for stupid stuff almost everyday. I talk alot of shit, but lately no one is listening! What's worse is that I can't take a joke, specially when it's not directed at me!

Al, I'm at the end of my rope! What's wrong with me?
-- Courtney, Texas

Dear Courtney:
You're NUTS! Um... I mean... Aren't those your nuts above?

Life is short, enjoy it! Don't turn it into a hassel. Keep your nose our of other peoples business! I know for some people that's not easy, and if that's the case with you, seek help.

Filed Under: advice, personal problems, workplace

There's Gona Be Some Changes Around Here!

Since things are slow, I'm gona repost old messages, minus the comments. Every once in a while I'll have open comments, depending if things pick up again.

I'm also gona re-add an email form in the right sidepanel later today to make it easier to submit your messages.

I know I could make up fake messages to myself, but you know how much work that is? Huh! Don't make me go Al upside your head! Dammit!

Lindsay Lohan this... Lindsay Lohan that... Enough already!

Dear AL:
What the fuck is up with the media?
"Lindsay Lohan breaks wrist in fall", "Lindsay Lohan tells her mum to go to hell", "Lindsay Lohan Takes on the White Oprah", "Lindsay Lohan Picks the Crust between her Toes," Who fuckin cares!

One more news story about Lindsay Lohan, I'm gona fuckin kill somebody!
-- Britney, California

Dear Britney:
Jane Fonda is worried about Lindsay Lohan!

Oops!

Look, just change the channel when they talk about Lindsay Lohan, ignore articles about her. We can't stop the news media from reporting crap, but we can send them a message by ignoring them.


Filed under: advice, personal problems

I Feel Like I'm Taking Crazy Pills!

Dear Al:
This is driving me crazy! Everytime my stay at home wife gets her hands on a bag of chips, box of Lucky Charms, or whatever, she tears into it like a fuckin rat, leaving a huge mess in the cabinets! When we eat at the table, it's like she forgets there's food on it, so she opens up a newspaper on top of everything like a freakin retard! She lets the garbage overflow with tons of gnats everywhere! She always fuckin messes up the backyard shed! I mean how hard is it to put things back where you got it from? She just throws things in there in a pile that I can't reach my freakin tools when I need them!

Al, I talked to her about this a million times! WTF is going on?
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!
-- Mike, living in a pigpen

Yo Mike:
Sounds like you both have kids! If not... RUN!

Maybe she's overwhelmed with the house work, and is crying out for help, or she's just a pig! Give her a hand, and if possible, convince her to find a hobby or job to get her out of the house! Maintaining a home is hard work, she can't do it alone!

The next time she opens a newspaper over food, pour your drink on it, but not during dinner time, unless you want a Ginsu steak knife in your ass! I hope this helped!


Filed under: advice, family matters, health, relationship problems