Hey AL:Ok... so let me try to make a long story short. Me and my girlfriend(not a fiancee OR wife) meet, have a serious relationship. Something like out of a romance novel in terms of the way we met and fell in love. I have a bad past of girlfriends cheating on me. But I tried my best to keep my paranoia in check. Her grandmother (aka her best friend) died when she was young. She doesn't know who her mother is. Her father is a pilled out veteran on disability. Her brother, the only other person close to her. Got arrested and is now serving 20 yrs. So she has extensive abandonment issues. After a few months, and a roommate rivalry, I move in with her and her dad. A month later we get our own place, everything still going good. Crazy in love, but have our problems. 13 days before our 1 yr she invites old friends over that are in town (Which never happens because she doesn't have many friends) and ends up getting PLASTERED and making out with her old best friend in our bathroom. HUGE ordeal as you can guess. Fighting, packing, fighting, crying, begging, said I was leaving and I didn't leave. The next months were hard because all trust was gone. Honestly I stayed because of the apartment and the connection my mother and family have grown with her. My mother loves her to death. And bills are easier with two paying them. But most of all I wanted so bad for things to get better and that I could move past it. But knowing how paranoid I am, the outlook wasn't good. So now, 5 months later, I'm struggling with constant paranoia and I treat her like crap cause I have so much pent-up frustration towards her. I don't restrict her or try to control her. She has all the freedom in the world. In fact, I more push her away. I distance myself from her. My mind is filled with the most outrageous cheating scenarios all the time and it has sent my blood pressure through the roof. I'm torn. I feel like I'm stuck here with her because she has no one but me. Plus she's made pity attempts at suicide trying to get me to stay. I feel her words are true, but she has too much shadiness surrounding her. I really do I love her with all my heart, but I'm just one step out of the door. Advice please, I'm losing my mind with paranoia. Is there a mental condition for cheating paranoia? It's only with cheating, I don't get paranoid with anything else. And is this tattered relationship even worth trying for?
-- Mr. Man, my state
Yo Man:
Personally, if this was a bi thing, I would give her a second chance if she had more feelings for me and was willing to share. :-) Now if the person she kissed was a dude, that's fucked up, but she was wasted.
If you love her with all your heart and you believe her when she states her love for you, I would give her a second chance on the condition that she never drinks or talks to that guy again, or that girl if you're not interested in threesomes. She's in control when she's sober, so you have nothing to be paranoid about, specially since she's falling all over herself for you to stay. Stop treating her like shit, think of the good times you've had, and relax. Your relationship is salvageable if you stop being an ass. How many different ways does she have to say sorry for you to believe she's SORRY and will not cheat again? Give the girl a break, and your nerves, and let it go. It will haunt you of what could've been if you break up, specially since you love her. Believe me, you don't want to go through that.
KW's: excessive anxiety, fear, irrational, delusional, possible schizo (You, Man, not her)
Dear AL:
Dear AL: