Embarrassed A Friend

Dear Al:
A couple of days ago we embarrassed a friend of ours, but we didn't mean it. He always drags us to a restaurant that sometime serves American fortune cookies, but now they are stating that they are authentic Chinese fortune cookies. Usually they just bring us traditional Chinese deserts but the last time we was their they served us fortune cookies. We told the waiter who looked angry the whole night "no thanks" politely, but he keep saying that we would like these new Chinese fortune cookies. We then look at each other with beaver faces, like Rockchild's friend Alice, and told the waiter if he ment American fortune cookies. The waiter then yelled back to us "They are Chinese!", and threw the plate of cookies on our table like we are prisoners! After we gave each other the beaver face again, we paid and took the cookies. When we escaped the restaurant we ate the fortune cookies and one of our fortunes stated "Don't get even... get odd!", so we both stared into the restaurant with our faces pressed up against it's windows almost a hole minute. Our friend then got mad at us and said "How can you both do that? I eat here!" We told him we was sorry, but he is not talking to us!

Al, we don't understand why he would still want to eat their after the way we was treated and not be friends anymore with us! What do you think??
-- Back Dormitoy Boys, twochineseboys.blogspot.com

Dear Dormitory Boys:
You get treated like crap at this restaurant he drags you to, and he's embarrassed of what you did? Sounds like it doesn't matter to swellhead how you two was treated, he's a regular there! He's not a friend, so I wouldn't worry about Beavis.

If you know when he visits that restaurant, and if you have time, go there and give him beaver faces with your face pressed up against their window. Make Rockchild proud!

I didn't know Fortune cookies was invented in the states! We've been had!

Torn between two!

Dear Al:
I'm currently torn between two men.
One is 2 years younger than me, is a musician, loves working out in the gym, gorgeous, very independent, motivated, ambitious, practical, and down to earth.

The other's 6 years older, writes the most beautiful poetry, romantic, dreamy, articulate, expressive, idealistic, lives for the moment and doesn't-think of-the-consequences-kinda guy.

They are both poles apart and special in their own ways. I'm attracted to both and I can't decide which one to pick! Help me!
-- Torn, Denmark

Dear Torn:
Which one is better in bed? Serious! You don't want to get stuck with an amateur, believe me! On the other hand, the other guy might need Viagra, and if he's allergic to it, that's an eternity in front of the TV!

Since you're attracted to both of them, draw straws! Or better! Stick with the one who goes out of his way to be with you, who's not so wrapped up in his own world, but tries to be wrapped up in yours.
I hoped this helped!

The photo above is by WALTERito.

What the fark is up with Fark?

Dear Al:
I've been a member of Fark.com forever, and not one of my submitted articles ever made it on their front page! One time after I submitted an article, it got posted with the same tagline by someone else! Now I believe it's possible for two people to come up with the same idea, but my tagline was so off the wall, it's impossible someone could have thought of the same thing! Someone at Fark stole my tagline to take credit for my submitted article! I thought about writting Fark to complain, but after doing some research online about previous members with problems, I decided not to waste my time. What the Fark is up with Fark.com?
-- Ex-Fark Fan, Cyberspace

Dear Ex-Fark Fan:
Need a hanky?

What's the big deal that Fark didn't post this article under your user name? What would you have gotten out of it if the link to an article you found on the internet was posted by you on Fark? A boner? I'm sure nobody stole your article tagline (Title), but if they did, it wont be easy to prove. All submissions become the property of Fark.com.
Read their Terms of Service, Joker!

Have a nice day!

Hav A Pimple Probem!

DearAl:
I hav a big pimple on ma lip! I feld it comin in a coupel of days ago but did nart dink much bout it til ma wife notised it an sed "O my God I wana pop it!", an she did an it hert like a bich! Ma wife now has one on her lip, an it is biger dan minds! Coud it be comin frum da pigs feet we eat evory now an den? Apresheate yor help!
-- Ray, Georgia

Dear Ray:
I am nart shore, butt it souns like you boof mite hav herpeas, jus wonda how you caut it befor you gav it to yor wife? You did nart cach it frum da pigs feet, maybee frum trinkin frum sumone elsis trink. I recomens you boof see a doktor as soon as posibowl, an visit da RIF site.

Sorree it took me so lang to rite bac, hope I am nart to layt!

Still here!

Sorry for the disappearance, been working the early shift for the last two weeks, 5:45 AM to 1:45 PM, so I've been hitting the sack early. After work it's impossible to write since I'm busy with my kids, plus if I touch my computer during the day my wife will kill me! I'm not whooped, alright!

Did I miss anything while I was gone? Answer me, dammit!

I'll stop by your blogs later to grace you with my presence!