Working Two Girls, How Do I Play This?

Yo Al:
I'm currenly seein two girls, my wife and her best friend. Her best friend wants me to spend more time wit her, but my wife is so needy dat I barely have time to see myself in a mirror. How can I work both of dem witout gettin caught? I Can't afford a divorce right now!

I only want an answer how to play dis, not how fucked up you might dink dis is. Danks!
-- Terrence, Komton, CA

Dear Terrence:
You're SCREWED!

Message from your wife (edited for decency):

You muddafudin cheating piece of shit! I show you Al's blog and your illiterate crack ass writes him for advice? I'm a regular here you fuckin dumbass! You have one hour to pack your bags before I clock your ass with my wiffle bat! Tell my dear friend "the ho" to keep her distance or I'll clock her ass too!

We live in Compton, not Komton!
-- Tamara, Compton, CA

You tell him, Tamara!

Why Are Most Women So Boring To Hang Out With?

Dear Al:
When my husband and his brothers all get together for an outing, the wives are expected to hang out together too. But I don't enjoy hanging out with the women who only want to talk about babies and clothing and home decor and all of that crap. I'd rather hang out with the guys! They have so much more fun! For me, hanging out with the women is TORTURE! And going to baby showers? Don't even get me started! I feel like how a guy would feel if he were forced to go to a baby shower: calm looking on the outside but screaming, "GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" on the inside! What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm sending this question in to several 'advice' sites because I really need as much advice on this matter as possible!

-- Dawn (webmiztris), Bumfuck Nowhere, PA
http://webmiztris.blogspot.com

Dear Dawn:
So what's wrong with baby showers? Oops!

Dawn, there is nothing wrong with you, and not all women are boring to hangout with, unless you live out in bumfuck nowhere! It's time you broke this tradition of your husbands family! When the boys go out to play, spend at least half an hour with their wives before you tell them you have a birthday party to go to, need to cheer up an old friend, have to set-up some amps for a concert, need to beat the crap out of Brendan Fraser privately for standing-up your girlfriend! And once you're out of the house, do what you do best... party!

If your husband has a problem with this, make him attend a baby shower... Twice! I hope this helped!

Kw's: bore, boredom, dull, tiresome

Yahoo's Newly Redesigned Cluttered Homepage!

Dear Al:
What the hell was Yahoo thinking when they redesigned their homepage? Multiple links on their homepage leading to the same content, like the multiple links leading to a featured poker playing chimp? Yahoo's homepage was already cluttered with crap before the redesign, now it's cluttered with annoying scripts, like when your mouse rolls over the email link and opens up a window which first states "loading", then gives you some freakin message! I just want to check my God damn mail!

Yahoo, your new homepage is a freakin mess! Al, school them!
-- Janet, Colorado

Dear Janet:
Yahoo is a loss cause! All the schooling in the world can't help people who lack common sense. In their quest for the big bucks, what does Yahoo give users and advertisers to make up for their new cluttered homepage? A monkey! How sad is that?

Well at least one good thing is coming out of this, Mikey the chimp got featured! How many chimps can say that?

Bush, Blair, Endless Love Video Duet!

Tonya, thanks for writing again! I know that sometimes I come off harsh to some of my writers, but they had it coming! Um... I mean, I really enjoy helping people!

Anyway, I wish you the best Tonya! This video is going out to you, everyone who has written me, and all my blog friends/readers! Enjoy!



I'm gona see if I can find the complete version, if it exists.

My wife is a Ho!

Dear al:
My wife is a HO! Every weekend she goes out clubbing with her girlfriends, but I know she's window shopping! Last week I found a phone number on the floor by our jackets! Al, how can I get her to stay home with me, watch a movie, and cuddle? I have a small penis, but that can't be the problem, because I know how to use it!
-- Josh, North Carolina

Dear Josh:
Happy to hear that you're proficient with your pecker, but why do you want the world to know? Hoping your wife reads your message to remind her how good she has it at home? I'm not Dr. Ruth!

First you have to stop calling your wife a ho, even if she is. Then you need to get out, take your wife to dinner, dancing, drinking, do something crazy, but still let her hang out with her friends. You'll have plenty of time to cuddle when you come home wasted, plus your tiny penis might get some play! I hope this helped!