It hurts like a bitch!

Dear AL:
I just came down with herpes on my lip. At first I thought I caught it from my newly wife, but she told me that the big bump on her lip is just a pimple. It took me a while to believe, but now I'm convinced she's telling the truth.

It hurts like a bitch! How long will I have this?
-- Josh, Iowa

Yo Josh:
Until death do you part!

I hope this helped!

My pet wouldn't perform on stage

Dear AL:
Tonight me and Jewel, my pet ferret, were invited on a talk show to show off his tricks, but he wouldn't come out of his carrier. When I tried to take him out, he bit me right on stage. I think he was scared of the crowd, but tomorrow night he's gona perform if he likes it or not. Any ideas how to calm his nerves? -- Petra, Germany

Dear Petra:
Imitate him.

Good luck!

You're all soft and sweet?

Hey Al,
looks like you've gotten a hell lotta nicer to people who're writing in! Come now, spill, who's the pretty gal who's gotten you all soft and sweet? -- Liza

Hey Liza,
My couch.

Just kidding! Serious!
Don't make me go all out AL on ya!

Incase you're wondering, that's not me above, but a photo submitted by Ginther to a flickr competition. Vote for him or may your next new year be like your last!

A Bitchy girl's seat.

Dear AL:
I was sitting on a seat, without knowing that it was a bitchy girl's seat. Well, as the story would go, the bitchy girl came up to me, and growled, "Do you mind?" making a suggestion that it was her seat. I wasn't quite sure whether to say "yes" or "no" because of course I didn't want to give her the seat, seeing as there was no sign that it was hers, yet she was kind of intimidating. What should I say if something like this happens again? -- Shazza, shazza1112.blogspot.com

Dear Shazza:
Just be polite and say: "Where's your papers? If you're the owner of this seat, you surely have documentation to back this claim up, bitch." (Prepare to be carved)

Seriously, I wouldn't give in. But if you hate confrontation, save your face and give her the seat, unless you know for a fact she wont lay a finger on you, and isn't drunk, then blow her off.

Should I make the move?

Dear Al:
Thanks for your reply! Ok, during the 1st lunch, he did asked me some questions that is related to his report! (but I didn't tell him that much since I used to work in the same news agent as well, so I know the rules)!!! But during 2nd time, he didn't ask me anything about the company or industry that I am currently working in, instead, we talk about loads of common interests and we did joked alot! So I am really confuse now!!!! Should I make the move (not knowing whether he just wanna treat me as a friend)?
-- Sherry, C----

Dear Sherry:
Continuing where we left off, you know he was trying to use you, risking your job on this date, but you went out with him on a second date anyway? You wont believe how wide open you are right now, but I let you slide. Maybe he looked like Jackie Chan.

Being alone in a foreign country sucks, makes you desperate for companionship, sex, babies, but don't let that cloud your judgement. He's there for a story, not looking to start a family. Wait till he calls, but if he doesn't, forget him, and move on.

If he's interested in you, or your company, he will call. I just don't think it's a good idea seeing him since you're putting your job at risk. Go back to China if you're lonely and save yourself the trouble.