Melissa, I love you

Dear AL:
I don't know how I made it this past Christmas and New Years without the love of my life. She died of breast cancer two years ago. Your blog has always made me laugh, I just hope you don't mind posting this short message for her.

Melissa, I love you. You will always be in my heart. Can't wait for the day we're together again!

Love,
Mike - Oklahoma

It hurts like a bitch!

Dear AL:
I just came down with herpes on my lip. At first I thought I caught it from my newly wife, but she told me that the big bump on her lip is just a pimple. It took me a while to believe, but now I'm convinced she's telling the truth.

It hurts like a bitch! How long will I have this?
-- Josh, Iowa

Yo Josh:
Until death do you part!

I hope this helped!

My pet wouldn't perform on stage

Dear AL:
Tonight me and Jewel, my pet ferret, were invited on a talk show to show off his tricks, but he wouldn't come out of his carrier. When I tried to take him out, he bit me right on stage. I think he was scared of the crowd, but tomorrow night he's gona perform if he likes it or not. Any ideas how to calm his nerves? -- Petra, Germany

Dear Petra:
Imitate him.

Good luck!

You're all soft and sweet?

Hey Al,
looks like you've gotten a hell lotta nicer to people who're writing in! Come now, spill, who's the pretty gal who's gotten you all soft and sweet? -- Liza

Hey Liza,
My couch.

Just kidding! Serious!
Don't make me go all out AL on ya!

Incase you're wondering, that's not me above, but a photo submitted by Ginther to a flickr competition. Vote for him or may your next new year be like your last!

A Bitchy girl's seat.

Dear AL:
I was sitting on a seat, without knowing that it was a bitchy girl's seat. Well, as the story would go, the bitchy girl came up to me, and growled, "Do you mind?" making a suggestion that it was her seat. I wasn't quite sure whether to say "yes" or "no" because of course I didn't want to give her the seat, seeing as there was no sign that it was hers, yet she was kind of intimidating. What should I say if something like this happens again? -- Shazza, shazza1112.blogspot.com

Dear Shazza:
Just be polite and say: "Where's your papers? If you're the owner of this seat, you surely have documentation to back this claim up, bitch." (Prepare to be carved)

Seriously, I wouldn't give in. But if you hate confrontation, save your face and give her the seat, unless you know for a fact she wont lay a finger on you, and isn't drunk, then blow her off.