Don't want to make a mariburjeka out of myself

Dear AL:
Last year you gave me advice about a girl I was interested in, but like my friends said, and you, she was a dude. There's this other girl that works at this club that seems to like me. Now she's not performing on stage, so she has to be female. Everytime I come through the door, she always smiles and says hi before taking me to my table. My friends are not 100% sure this time if she's a man, and seem to think she's hot, which is a good sign. Al, I want to chance it and ask her out, but don't want to make a mariburjeka out of myself. What would you do in my shoes?
-- Matt, California

Yo Matt:
Get the fuck out!

Not sure how you can think there's any females in that club. 99.9% of everyone in there are males, dudes, salami packers! Now either you and your friends are morons, or deep down you want to get planted. Your friends are probably gay, which is not bad. They just see that you're not sure of your own sexuality, specially since you're interested in these men... I mean girls... whatever... I bet your friends don't want to really hook you up with someone from that club. They're just testing the grounds before they grab your ass, or d---!

If I was in your shoes, I wouldn't be in that club in the first place, but since your shoes are already through the door, I suggest you straight up ask that girl if she's a guy or not. Fred's brother could be working their!

Sorry, but what is mariburjeka?

Dear AL:
Sorry, but what is mariburjeka?
-- Jane, Korea, Republic of

Dear Janebot:
You mean you don't know? Sad.

Figure you know by now since you've been asking this spam question all over the internet:
Google - "Sorry, but what is mariburjeka?"

To the Janebot programer who unleashed this spambot crawler, you forgot to add a link, moron!

In a hurtful situation

Dear AL:
I have never blogged before, but find myself in a hurtful situation. I'm hoping you can give me some advice.
-- B3

Dear B3:
Kinda hard to give advice if I don't know what the problem is, but blogging about it if you have no one to talk to is a great way to get it off your chest. Readers don't have to know who you are and where you're from, just the fact you're venting, looking for support. If you decide to blog about it, drop me a line so me and my readers can stop by. I hope this helped.

She knows I fuckin' hate waiting

Hey Al:
I hate the girl who hangs out with me and my best friend. Well, not exactly; I hate that my best friend always puts her before me. She knows I fucking hate waiting for ANYONE and she still insist on making me do so because she wants to be with the stupid bitch.

Do I dump her, which isn't a choice, because I'm a social pariah whom everyone hates, or do I kill the bitch and hope my best friend doesn't find out?
-- Liza

Hey Liza:
Maybe if you stop being such a hater and focus on good times, everything will be ok. This other girl is probably about having good times while all you do is go waaaaahhh... Loosen up, or your friend will dump ya, then you'll really have something to bitch about.

I hope this helped. :)

Sisters rent and my bad breath

Dear AL:
My girlfriend just inherited her dads house, but her sister who doesn't live there wants us to pay her rent, and she agreed to it. Now I don't have a problem with that, just the fact that when we move in we're taking care of her mother who has a problem with my breath, but my girlfriend thinks if I get hair implants it might help. What do you think?
-- Ray, Georgia

Yo Ray:
I think you should also get butt plugs while you're at it, can't hurt. And about your girlfriend's sister's rent, tell her to kiss your ass, unplugged! How could you not have a problem with that?