I'd push her off a building, but I can't

Dear Al:

I have two friends whom I am very close to. Well, closer to one than the other, but that's beside the point. So late last year, the one whom I'm closer to, whom we shall call A, has had a friend. This friend seems to have no one but A, so clings on to A like A was a lifebuoy in the dead sea.

I wouldn't bother about it, since the fact that A enjoys being a lifebuoy has nothing to do with me, except that A allows the damn barnacle to join us three, almost ALL THE FREAKING TIME!

She's even gone so far to join the same club as us so she can leech on to A. LORD HELP US.

I'd push her off a building, but I can't get the barnacle alone, because she's always trying to be around A.

*Tears hair out*

-- Annoyed Girl

Dear Annoyed: *Gluing her hair back on*
You're friends with A. Ok... close friends, but it seems like you're latched on to this buoy like the barnacle. Maybe A's reaching out to this other person because you're crusting A to death. If that's not the case, the way your message reads, it wont be long before you're scraped off with a putty knife.

You're not married to A... not dating... so A can see whomever. You either accept the barnacles presence, crust and all, or find someone else to cling too. That doesn't mean you can't ask A out on a date, just don't be surprised if A brings a pressure washer. I hope this helped!

Husband text girl 3000 times, 45 a day.

Dear AL:
My husband and I got married in January after ten years together and two kids. We were part of a group of friends and he got close to a female in the group which I didn't like. He told me I was being silly. End of August I proved he had been texting and calling her for months - over 3000 text sent - 45 a day average. I threw him out. Was pregnant with number three. She swans around like she done nothing wrong. Drives me mad. Sick of both of them. What to do?
-- kiwimummy, London

Dear kiwimummy:
You did the right thing kicking numb nuts to the curb, just make sure he takes care of his responsibility towards your children.

About the biatch your husband's been text messaging, does she still hang out with your other friends, which is why you still see her around?
Did they know this was going on behind your back? Were they clueless? Maybe you should talk to your friends, minus the textards, to weed out the traitors.

Update: I found out more about who this BIATCH is, just too bad you didn't make copies of your husbands online phone records to send to that girls husband as a Christmas present, but you can still tell him verbally, as well as the other moms at the school. Just don't mess with her husband, even if he insists to get back at her. He might be carrying something she gave him from another textard.

Kw's: adultery, adultry, affair, affairs, cheater, cheating spouse, infidelity, marriage, unfaithful

Friends emotionally stress use blanks

Dear AL:
Its me again. Come with another problem bout my friends. I have two friends, they both girl. They had same problem, when they got emotionally stress , they blank themselves with blank, n felt relieved when they see blank blank blank.
The first one getting her stress from fight with her step-mother, and the second one usually stress coz of fight with his boyfriend. His?
Um, the first one started getting psycho. Once, she angry with a loud-mouth boy in our class, and she cornered him on corridor n talked sarcasm to him while holding a blank and a blank, pointed straight at his nose.
So.. i hope ur advice. Thanks!
Sincerely,
- Monika, Indonesia

Dear Monika:
Sorry about the blanks.

My advice to you, get as far away from these crazies you call friends before one of them pulls a blank on you, and blank you up. If you need to move to another country since you're surrounded by crazies, MOVE! Just one more thing, they'll send you to prison if they catch you boarding a plane with a blank, so leave it home, alright!

I'm kidding. I know you're not violent, Monika. Just do what I said above, and get away from them. If it's not easy to do, then just be nice until you get your chance to RUN! Take care of yourself, babe.

Best friend made a couple breakup

Dear AL:
My best friend is a wolf. He made a couple breakup (that couple is our juniors). Now the boy make revenge by wrote a sarcasm poetry (titled “Looser” – good – sound like Ace Ventura) and posted it on our school’s bulletin board, make him embarrassed. When we read it (and laughed at it too), my best friend asked me to re-write that poetry (it’s written by hand before), and I made a nice, bling-bling, full of heart and flower, with Kahlil Gibran’ word inside, printout version of that poetry, and I posted it at bulletin board too. But next day when we saw that printout version, he asked my opinion about this problem, and I said “Honestly, you deserve this. You’re really a bastard wolf.” Then he said “You don’t understand me.” And he got angry. Well, that breakup couple is also friends of mine too. Nah, how can I make this situation better or even worse? I’d like to hear your opinion too.

Thanks, AL..

PS: Sorry if my English is bad... I’m Indonesian. hahaha
-- Monika, Indonesia

Dear Monika:
Don't worry about your English, I understood everything. So your best friend is mad at you because of your opinion of what he did to your other friends. Does Bastard Wolf mean asshole?

The best thing you could do right now is to stop calling him bastard wolf, and don't even think about stupid chimp. Drop what he did to your other friends, that's unless he's an evil leopard, then I suggest you get away from him before he morphs into a fathead rhinoceros. I'm just saying.

Our friend is engaged to be married at 17

Dear AL:
HELP! Our friend says she is engaged to be married at 17 and she has a HUGGGEEE “real” ring to prove it. She won’t listen to her best friends when we tell her that this is the biggest mistake of her life. The reason we say this is because her boyfriend is a screw up big time. They have made a whole “plan” to get pregnant just so that they can live together. They have been having sex without a condom for over a month now. And the worst thing is her parents either don’t care, or don’t know. We’ve tried to talk some sense into her but she won’t even reconsider her decision. She says it’s what they want. Is it wrong to not support her? We don’t know what to do. The situation has gotten way out of hand.
-- Lauren, US

Dear Lauren:
I knew a moron like that, and now she's a single parent, while her ex is having sex without a condom in prison for way over a month now. Years!

Anyway, since she wont listen, you can either anonymously tell her parents, or let her learn the hard way, but keep your distance to avoid the drama. Believe me, when she sees how stupid their decision was after the fact, she will drive you nuts complaining and asking for help to change poopy diapers. Don't put up with that shit!

Let her know from the get-go that you don't want to hear any complaints when the going gets rough, and it will. Not only is she giving up the remainder of her teen years to bare a kid for this screw-up, they will both lose their chance to go to college. Her fiancee will have to find work to support them, and with his lack of qualifications due to his age, he'll be flipping burgers at McDonald's, making minimum wage, which might not be enough to pay rent to his parents.

Lauren, go on with your life. If she wants to push a stroller, it's not your problem.