I'm being harassed at work!

Dear AL
There are these people that keep harassing me every week at my job. When they order food at the drive threw they always ask for whoppers knowing full well they're at McDonalds! What can I tell these people to leave me alone?
-- Upset in Seattle Washington

Dear Upset:
Tell them no pork at all.

Um.. upset... you work at a fast food place. Maybe it's the same jokers harassing you every week, but I bet they're probably confused customers. I don't know how many times I asked for happy meals at Burger King, so this might be the case.

If it is the same people, have your supervisor take the order. Don't burst a vessel over this, or you'll never make manager!

What would Ronald do?

My Husband's affair with a girl at the gym

Dear AL:
My Christmas present for 2008 was learning of an affair my husband was having with a girl at the gym. He continued the affair by purchasing "pay as you go" phones to eliminate any phone records - I found his phone. He says he has discontinued the affair but continues to go to the same gym, at the same time she goes, and refuses to change. There are other alternatives and times for him to go.

Am I making too much of this, or should I follow my gut instinct and file for divorce.
--Devastated and Pissed in NY

Dear Devastated:
You're not making enough of this... divorce his sorry ass. If he discontinued this affair, why doesn't he go to a different gym to give you peace of mind? Hell, he might do just that when you threaten him with a divorce, but who's to say she wont follow him there to continue their workout? Do you really want to deal with this, not knowing if he's being faithful? Always having this on the back of your mind "Is he telling me the truth, or spotting her?" Do yourself a favor and save yourself the stress. Divorce him! If he doesn't care about your feelings now, he will continue to play with your head, guaranteed.

Life is too short and may become shorter if he infects you with Aids. Think about that. Take care of yourself.

Kw's: adultery, adultry, affair, affairs, cheater, cheating spouse, infidelity, marriage, unfaithful

I want to quit lying, but it's hard.

Dear Al:
For the past years I have been lying. Lying so much that all of those revolves me believe every single word that I have said. I want to quit lying, but it's hard. It has turn into a habit. Can you tell me what to do to stopped this lies.
-- Liar, Singapore

Dear Liar:
Shut the fuck up!

I hope this helped.

Wife's Facebook profile states Democrat. Divorcing!

Hey AL:
Tonight I discovered my wife is a freakin' liberal on her Facebook profile. So the love she says she has for me, our relationship, was all a lie! She knows I'm a Republican, so what else could it be. She was desperate! When I talked to her about it, and that I want a divorce, her tearful response would have been genuine if she was a Republican, but we know Democrats are frauds.

Al, I feel kind of sorry for her. Should I give her a chance if she converts parties? She might do it.
-- Matt, Ohio

Dear ASSHOLE:
Divorce her. You'll be doing her a favor.

Can't have her expressing her love for you, specially since she's a liberal. How dare she marry you! And to think, you was happy with her up till now. What were you thinking, Matt?

Army recruiter wont leave me alone

Dear AL:
About a month ago I made a mistake of seeing a certain Army recruiter. After deciding not to join the Army after taking the ASVAB test which I passed with flying colors, this recruiter wont except no for an answer. He's upset for driving me to take this test, but it wasn't like he wasted gas, there were two other potential recruits who came along for the same reason. What made me change my mind? After seeing my test results, he kept stating on the ride back to his office about papers I had to sign. About 10 times, like I'll forget. When I told him my decision back in his office to go to college, he started cursing at me right off the bat, saying I had to join, so I walked out. Since then he calls me almost everyday, threatening me with jail time if I don't report to a MEP's station to enlist!

AL, I'm just starting my life. Can he really send me to jail?
-- Troubled in New York

Dear Troubled:
Taking the ASVAB test doesn't mean you're obligated to join the Army. You wont go to jail if you don't join. Beaves is lying to make his quota to maintain his appearance towards superiors.

I suggest you buy yourself one of those handy dandy digital voice recorders with a telephone recording attachment, and record him next time he calls. Don't let him in on it, let a lawyer break the news to the boy wonder. He will leave you alone, guaranteed.

Kw's: advice, criminal, deceptive, desperate, dishonest, dishonorable, false, forceful, harassment, harassed, liar, lied, misleading, oppressive, overbearing, threatening