Blogger 101, Jessica & Trudy

Welcome to another course of Blogger 101!

Today's class we're gona learn about Jessica and Trudy w/The Dancin Booty, two bloggers who haven't posted an entry on their blogs in almost a week! WTF!

Jessica's husband has been gone for almost 3 months, but he's back. I guess she probably squeezed him so tight, she broke her fingers, and thinks she can't blog! But that's no excuse, use your toes!

Trudy's last entry on her blog "Sweet Savory Tart" was a recipe, and her last sentence was "You'll love me for this recipe", Translated "Hope this recipe keeps you fools busy stuffing your faces while I take a break from blogging"! If I eat another Ripe Pear and Crisp Apple with Bleu Cheese, I think I'm gona throw-up! Trudy, get your ass back on the keyboard! Please!

If you want to learn more about these AWOL bloggers, Jessica & Trudy, go visit their blogs, and maybe you'll be my next victim subject for Blogger 101!

No one is laughing!

Dear AL:
I'm a Standup comedian. I've been doing standup at the local improv for the last 3 years since I graduated High School. I use to make some people laugh, but now they mostly look at me like I'm a freakin retard.
I was thinking about going to an improv school, but with my job I can't afford it.

Al, standup is all I know! Have any ideas?
-- Ray, California

Dear Ray:
If you think by going to an improv school it's gona improve your standup, you must really suck! Sit your ass down!

Hope this helped!

I Have a Complex

Dear AL:
Last Thursday one of the most amazing girls I ever known tried to give me a kiss right after I helped her out with a simple math equation, showing her why complex number z is the sum of a real number and an imaginary number in complex waves.

The whole time while I was showing her this easy equation, I was scared she was gonna get a good look at my teeth! Four of my top teeth are so big, that when I close my mouth, you still see them! After about 10 minutes of explaining the equation to her, I saw her look at me kinda funny. She then got closer like she wanted to kiss, but I looked down at my shirt pocket as I put my pencil in it.

Since that day she's always staring at me, so maybe she likes me, or finally noticed my teeth! Why would a beautiful girl like someone like me? Al, I would love to be with her, but I don't feel comfortable with how I look! HELP!
-- Dave, Australia

Dear Dave:
Look, it sounds like she doesn't mind your teeth, and I'm sure you wont chisel her by accident if you kiss her. Take her out on a date, and while you're out explain the equation E=mc2. And when the time is right, and you know she wants it, peck away! Good luck!

I'm Being Sexually Harassed

Dear AL:
For the past month and a half at my new job, my butt ugly supervisor I nicknamed Stinky has been sexually harassing me. At first I thought he was just trying to make me feel at home, since I was new. It all started when I had a problem with my computer, which Stinky offered his help. He leaned over my shoulder with his face to look at my monitor, that we was cheek to cheek. I then heard him sniffing my perfume, and when I got a whif of him, I felt like throwing up! He smells like a smoker who eats horse crap!

He's always walking into my cubicle while I'm working, most of the time sneaking in so he can rub my shoulders, but last week Stinky played with my hair! Everywhere I go, Stinky shows up, and always sits next to me during meetings! He asked me out one time, but I told him I was taken, so he said "a little affair goes a long way", Quid Pro Quo.

Al, what can I do about Stinky? It's bad enough he smells like shit, the man is geting on my nerves!
-- Harrassed, Big-Ass Corporation

Dear Harassed:
Sorry Stinky is doing more than smelling up your airspace, time to set his ass straight! Keep telling him firmly to stop, talk about it with others, while Documenting and keeping copies of dates, times, and witnesses of everything that's happening, emails that are related to the harassment, even if it's anonymous, negative actions that you experience because of your refusal to submit to sexually harassing behavior, poor evaluation, a demotion, or low grade because of your refusal to cooperate with the sexual demands.

Buy yourself one of those tiny voice activated tape recorders, and hide it somewhere close to your computer, or better, wire yourself. Keep copies of the tapes at home. You need as much evidence as possible, specially if Stinky is popular, so they can't take his word over yours and give you the boot, but more than likely they are looking for an excuse to get rid of Funky Ass Breath!

Why do sexual harassers stink? Gallop poll states that 80% of sexual harssers breath smell like poo!Once you collected enough evidence to fry Stinky, go out and buy yourself one of these handy dandy gas masks, and every time mr. Funk Breath walks into your office cubicle, scream "GAS!", and put it on! After a few times of doing this, Stinky should get the picture, or have a heart attack! Then proceed to your companys Human Resource office and file your complaint, just remember to take the mask off!

Visit the Sexual Harassment Support site, that's where I got most of my information. They don't have any advice if the harasser stinks, but I got you covered!

Blog has an email form!


I just added an email form to my blogs sidebar, so you don't have to login to your email account to write me!
You lazy people, you!

It's a simple form, all I'm asking for is your name (real or fake), your location or Blog URL, and your message. So, if there's anything bothering you, like a dumbass boss, a secret love, or hives on your ass, WRITE ME!