Sexual Harrassment Complaint Over Joke

Dear AL:
I played a joke on a friend who made a sexual harrassment complaint against me. I hid under her desk, and when she came to work, I was going to surprise her by grabbing her legs, not knowing she was going to wear a dress that day. I decided not to touch her, but she saw me right away and nicked my head with a kick. I told her I was only wanted to play a joke and that I was sorry, but she pushed me out of her office and filed the complaint. Al, she always wears pants to work, and I didn't see anything when she wore a dress for the first time. They're thinking about firing me, but for the mean time moved me to a room in the basement! Al, what can I do? I'm so screwed!
-- Troubled in Australia

Yo Troubled:
You bet your ass you're screwed. I'm afraid there's nothing you can do to dig yourself out of this hole, but look at the bright side. You're still alive! :-)

What can I do to make them stop?

Dear AL:
Since my male coworkers found out my plans to have my breasts reduced from my loud mouth girlfriend, they keep bringing it up. Stating all I need is a lift. They're also using this as an excuse to stare at my boobs while they talk to me!

Al, this is making me uncomfortable. What can I do to make them stop?
-- Trish, UK

Dear Trish:
Reduce your breasts to nothing. Works every time!

Seriously, you need to tell them to stop. If they don't, it's sexual harassment point blank. Tell your supervisor about what's happening, but if he's also part of the problem, then bring this up with your company's human resource office by filing a complaint. No one should have to put up with this bullshit, specially if they're planning a boob job.

Also, about your loud mouth girlfriend, next time you talk to her yell out "So you have a penis?" She had it coming!

Pickled Situations

Dear Al:
I'm from Paris and go to high school. Last time, i started all over again with a friend. Since i confessed his love to me, i didn't use to talk to him. But recently, he sent me text message every day even if he isn't my boyfriend. I used to be happy when i see that i receive a message but now that make me angry. I'm tired of him. Yesterday, i rejected him a little but i had mood swings and i was in a bad mood. I don't want him to be sad because he has got problems with his parents, our teachers and lots more. He isn't lucky and very shy. I'm the kind of girl who is direct and goes straight right. I dislike saying what people want to hear. I prefer being like that since that cause me problems with an ex. I like him as a friend but no more. Shall i tell him the true that he makes me suffocate ? or do like nothings happen and smile normaly ? [what i use to do, and try to forget]
I have another question since i'm here ! Is it wrong to not going out with my classmate ?
There's a guy who used to make me laught, annoy me and put his arm around my waist. I know that i'm attractive but today he shows me his penis. I don't know what to do, i just smile and don't watch. All his friends were in stitches. My friends didn't know about that, i only tell my brother about that...
Sorry i used to tell everyone i meet all my life or when i have the opportunity ^^

PS : i apologize if i made mistake. My english isn't very good, i have to improve it -_-' I do my best ! \(^o^)/ Bye
-- Anne, Paris, France

Dear Anne:
You confessed his love for you? You just couldn't wait to write him off! Poor guy!

Seriously, just tell him how he makes you feel, but don't speak for him. The man has a mouth... let him use it!

Is the guy who asked you out the same guy who showed you his pickle? Why would you want to go out with him? I suggest you ignore the guy, and his pickle. Pretend he doesn't exist! But if he continues to harass you, tell your parents, and your teachers! Mr. pickle is gona learn one way or another! I hope this helped!

I'm Being Sexually Harassed

Dear AL:
For the past month and a half at my new job, my butt ugly supervisor I nicknamed Stinky has been sexually harassing me. At first I thought he was just trying to make me feel at home, since I was new. It all started when I had a problem with my computer, which Stinky offered his help. He leaned over my shoulder with his face to look at my monitor, that we was cheek to cheek. I then heard him sniffing my perfume, and when I got a whif of him, I felt like throwing up! He smells like a smoker who eats horse crap!

He's always walking into my cubicle while I'm working, most of the time sneaking in so he can rub my shoulders, but last week Stinky played with my hair! Everywhere I go, Stinky shows up, and always sits next to me during meetings! He asked me out one time, but I told him I was taken, so he said "a little affair goes a long way", Quid Pro Quo.

Al, what can I do about Stinky? It's bad enough he smells like shit, the man is geting on my nerves!
-- Harrassed, Big-Ass Corporation

Dear Harassed:
Sorry Stinky is doing more than smelling up your airspace, time to set his ass straight! Keep telling him firmly to stop, talk about it with others, while Documenting and keeping copies of dates, times, and witnesses of everything that's happening, emails that are related to the harassment, even if it's anonymous, negative actions that you experience because of your refusal to submit to sexually harassing behavior, poor evaluation, a demotion, or low grade because of your refusal to cooperate with the sexual demands.

Buy yourself one of those tiny voice activated tape recorders, and hide it somewhere close to your computer, or better, wire yourself. Keep copies of the tapes at home. You need as much evidence as possible, specially if Stinky is popular, so they can't take his word over yours and give you the boot, but more than likely they are looking for an excuse to get rid of Funky Ass Breath!

Once you collected enough evidence to fry Stinky, go out and buy yourself one of these handy dandy gas masks, and every time mr. Funk Breath walks into your office cubicle, scream "GAS!", and put it on! After a few times of doing this, Stinky should get the picture, or have a heart attack! Then proceed to your companys Human Resource office and file your complaint, just remember to take the mask off!

Visit the Sexual Harassment Support site, that's where I got most of my information. They don't have any advice if the harasser stinks, but I got you covered!