My Parents Hardly Notice!

Dear Al:
I'm studying Chinese, starting to get really good SAT scores, and I'm a straight A student... my parents hardly even notice! I even placed tenth in the region for a competition and they barely glanced at my certificate. Any suggestions?
-- Suzhen, Dallas

Dear Suzhen:
See what happens when you blast music in your room... they're deaf! Sudden deafness also causes Vertigo, dizziness, loss of balance, so if by luck you do get your parents attention, it would be almost impossible for them to focus on your performance records if they're swaying all over the place. To solve this problem, catch them while they're sitting down and announce your performance with a bullhorn megaphone!
Works every time, until they're completely deaf.

I hope this helped!

What should I do?

Dear Al:
I've been stressing out lately because of my mom and the environment i live in.don't get me wrong, i love my mom to death.but my problem is,that she's mentally ill.i cry almost every night.now we cant do the things like we use to do. and the place where i live is full of drugdealers,thugs,criminals etc. the only reason why we cant move out is that we dont have enough money.kids from other apartments come out everyday to throw sticks at my moms door.i hate them.when i tell them to stop they wont and they cuss back at me.and when i go up to their face, their moms get bitchy about it.my dad goes to work everyday and tries to nurture us the best way he can.what should i do?
-- Meredith, Jacksonville, Florida

Dear Meredith:
If you haven't already, visit the official website of the City of Jacksonville, Florida. They have plenty of resources to help you and your family, just it's a little difficult to find on their site, but I found some info for ya:

* Mental Health Services
* Outreach to Elderly and Disabled Victims

I'm not sure what you could do about those idiotic kids since their parents are lowlifes! Last thing you need is a feud. These morons are not gona be kids forever, and with luck they'll be in prison before they're 25, where they're gona get hit with plenty of sticks! Karma's a bitch!

Sorry I couldn't be of more help, Meredith! Take care of yourself!

Mount St. Helen

Dear Al:
I have this big zit on my face my girlfriend nicknamed Mount Saint Helen, since the head is so white and large as hell! She's afraid to kiss me fearing that it could burst in her face, I'm embarrassed about being in public, and the guys at work rag on me all the time calling me zit instead of Zach! Al, have any advice?
-- Zach, Tucson Arizona

Dear Zach:
Pop it, you freakin idiot! Sheesh!

Zit face, how did you get my email anyway?

Working the morning shift again!

Yep folks! This week I have the morning shift again, and since I have tons of work to do around the house (cleaning up after my kids), I wont be able to answer anyone today. I was thinking about trying to respond to one writer today, but since my Blogger account took over half an hour to work properly, I'm out of time.

I don't know any blog service that performs major maintenace which closes all operation every other freakin day! I hope Blogger fixes whatever problems they're having before my next life!

Have a great day people! I'll have something posted tomorrow, if Blogger plays nice! I make a bet after this entry my blog never makes it to Bloggers main page under Blogs of Note. Waah!

Boyfriend Behaving Strangely

Dear AL:
My boyfriend has never been REALLY mean to me or anything, but he's really short tempered and prideful at times. He also NVR listens, no matter what I told him. But lately, he's behaving real strangely, he's treating me extremely nice, being really kind and thoughtful, blowing me kisses and stuff like that. It's such a sudden change, is he cheating on me?
-- L, Earth

Dear L:
Usually when someone all of a sudden changes for the better out of the blue, it's because they finally realized how much you mean to them... right after they cheated! I could be wrong, but I'm hardly ever.
Maybe he didn't cheat, so enjoy his sudden change of heart, until he turns back into swellhead you hooked up with!

If you do find out he's cheating, and it's been going on for a long time, drop him like a bad habit! He may never answer the question "Why?"