I Have A Big Problem!

Dear Al:
A few days ago I woke up and realized there was something hard in my boxer shorts. I tried to ignore it and a few minutes later it went away. Since then I was afraid of getting this thing again. Today in school I saw a very pretty girl and suddenly I had the feeling that my trousers were too tight. I nearly started to cry, because I din´t know what was going on. here in Germany exists a magazin called "Bravo", which has got an extra part about sexuality. It´s called " Dr. Sommer Team". An inner voice told me to ask the team around Dr. Sommer for help. But I´m too afraid they print my letter in there magazin and everyone in school loughes about me. So I´m searching the anonymity of the I-Net and I´m asking you for help. What can I do against that hard thing? but the most important question is: What the hell is that thing in my boxer shorts?

Peace for the world says Friedel and wishes Al a great day.
-- Friedel, Germany, Sankt Augustin

Dear Friedel:
Sounds like you have a serious case of Bratwurst! You need to seek a professional to have it surgically removed, then visit the town hall to change your name to Frieda. I hope this helped!

Say if I Quit Chips And Coke

Dear Al:
Your solutions are crass - but funny and makes so much sense lol.

I'm so sick of being overweight and not having a life, but I'm food greedy and keep eating junk at home--> especially to CELEBRATE a weight loss X(

Say if this guy liked me now and we get along, would he ask me out after I quit chips and coke and glamour up? I duno... shout at me Al.
-- yo-yo dieter, Sidney, Australia

Dear Yo-Yo Dieter:
Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Did that help? No?

Look, you might have a chance with him right now! Quit the junkfood for yourself, not to attract this guy. Consult your doctor before you start any weight loss program, diets, or workout. I hope this helped!

How To Write A Girl

Dear Al:
I've been wondering why girls are such a pain? I love one girl, but she just never gonna accept me. Once I messaged her this "Hey can we be together, tough im fat. Can? Please..." She replied " No! I don't like fat and ugly guy." I'm not that UGLY as she said and not that FAT. I am just a cool guy who understands people feelings, and chat with them while they are down. Please, AL, Advice please. :)
-- Fabb, Singapore

Dear Fabb:
First you tell her you're fat, then you state you're not that fat... Are you nuts?

Never ever put yourself down when you're writing a girl! They already know what you look like, you don't have to remind them. Second, don't beg! The feel sorry for me act doesn't work, specially when you're fat. Nobody wants to be with a needy person!

When you write a girl, compliment her, but don't over do it. You need to grab their attention, not scare them away! If you still love this girl that called you fat and ugly, you have some serious problems.

Good luck!

I'm Not Raising Him!

Dear Al:
Since we've moved into the neighborhood, my 4 year old daughter befriended an annoying little brat her age that keeps visiting us! Besides talking with a speech impediment that sounds like someone scratching a chalkboard, this boy doesn't listen. Everytime he does something idiotic, I have to tell this moron about half a dozen times to stop while he's looking at me with this stupid smile on his face that makes me want to kick his parents ass! His parents don't give a damn about him, which is why I let this kid in sometimes so he wont play in the streets alone! Did I mention this marvel is just 4 years old?!!!

Al, I know it's not the kids fault he acts like an animal, but I'm not gona raise him! HELP!
-- Matt, UK

Dear Matt:
This kids a moron? Who's the one baby sitting him? Duh!

Listen Beavis, instead of complaining to me, how about complaining to the authorities about these neglectful parents! The only moron here is you if you can't figure this out for yourself.

Visit NSPCC, UK's free online specialised child protection resource.

How Can I Meet Nice Guys?

Dear Al:
I am 25 years old gal and I have never been in a relationship before...is there anyway you can teach me how I could get to meet some nice guys? I am a really quiet type and not those kind of outgoing person and I am not the type of ppl who are good at socialising either and gets very nevous when I am in a crowded places.....am I a hopeless case?
-- Cherry, China

Dear Cherry:
Nothing is hopeless! I'm AL, Dammit!

First expand your view of what a nice guy is, or you may never meet one. It's nice if they have alot money, smart, funny, with great looks, but chances of meeting that guy is pretty slim. I'm not saying to go out with Henry Earl, just don't be so picky!

When a group of guys approach you and your girlfriends, see if you notice if any of them have a problem making eye contact, nervous, with a not so sure look on his face. Sometimes this type of nice guy stays behind at the bar or table since he's shy himself, while his friends hit on you.
If this nice guy tries to talk to you, there's a good chance he'll say something stupid like "Ever heard of Jackie Chan?", since he's nervous like yourself, but if you give him a chance things might work out.

Maybe you should give that guy you only like as a friend, that you've known for years a chance. That nice guy might be right under your nose!