She's Always On Top!

Dear Al:
I love my girlfriend to death, but she wont try anything different when it comes to sex!
I want to bang her doggy style, do the 69er, fuck her in the ass, and do the flapjack!
But she wont budge! She's always on top!
She mostly loves riding me while I'm laying on the floor, but my ass can't take that shit anymore! She broke my tailbone!

Al, as of today, I'm wearing the pants in our relationship! I'm gona be on top from here on out! Any ideas how to get there?
-- Ron, Melbourne, Australia

Dear Ron:
If your wife doesn't own a dildo, you might have a chance to get on top!


Or maybe not!

Look... Talk to her, let her know how your ass feels! If she still wont let you get on top, tell her she can ride you as long as you're laying on a bed. If she still wont compromise, grab the nearest dildo! Good luck!

Filed under: dating, relationship problems, sex, videos, youtube

Jason Goldman of Blogger visits Coalinga State Hospital. Will they ever let him out?

Blogger just turned 7 years old in dog years, according to Jason Goldman. "Oh, the birthday logo is a dog because of that whole "1 human year = 7 dog year" thing. And there should be more dogs in birthday hats, don'cha think?" said Jason, shortly before being escorted away by two nice men in white.

"Jason told us that he has to buy a cake for his dog," said Freddy, male nurse. "I asked him what's his dogs name, and he said Blogger", "After looking at my coworker, we straight-jacketed him"

"We're not sure how long Jason is gona stay here," said a doctor from Coalinga State Hospital, "His obsession with wanting to feed Blogger is very troubling!"

"Don't know exactly why I'm here," said Jason. "Just hope they have access to the internet, I have to walk Blogger", "Did you know Blogger is 1 year old today in human years?"

Medical staff quickly escorted Jason to the electric shock therapy room.

Update: Aug 25 - Jason Goldman, Product Manager of Blogger, escaped Coalinga State Hospital, shortly after taking his medication Thursday night. Investigators from San Francisco police department questioned Eric Case of Blogger, after reading his post on the blog Blogger Buzz, which states Jason simply resigned, when in truth he was taken to a looney bin, Coalinga.

"I'm not sure where Jason is, I thought he just quit," Said Eric, "His parking space is mine!"

Eric's cover-up post: " So long, and thanks for all the ___!"

Jason's last blog post before being commited: "For The Love Of B"

Tags: birthday, beta, blogger, bloggers, buzz, blog, jason, news, humor, jokes

He Wants To Keep His Options Open

Dear Al:
I am dating this guy for over a year and he wants to be able to come and go as he pleases. He doesn't want to be able to be told what to do. He has a lot of female friends and wants to be able to have them over no matter what time of day it is. They have been over his house even past 12 midnight. I'm not aware of this ahead of time, I just call and he mentions it. He says I'm acting ridiculous when I react. He never wanted to compromise with anything because he felt he would lose his identity. Lately he has been compromising with some things. We did break up briefly and got back together but he said "he wants to keep his options open" -- is he just using me until something better comes along? Or what he perceives as something better? I am still intimate with him. Should I stop? What's your opinion of this guy?
-- Christine, Philadelphia

Dear Christine:
Should I stop? WAKE-UP!!!

He tells you he wants to keep his options open, and your like "duh... okay, honey!"

This Player doesn't give a shit about you! You're just someone he has on the side when he's unable to get laid somewhere else. He's gona screw a girl carrying an STD and pass it on to you, that's if he hasn't already done so!

First step, dump his ass and don't look back! Second, get yourself checked out! Third, stop being so needy! Learn to be alone, forget about guys for a while, and just hangout with your girlfriends. Respect yourself, and the next guy will respect you!

Filed under: dating, relationship-problems, unfaithful, trust

Caught My Son Having Cybersex!

Dear AL:
One of the worst things in the world I never thought could happen happened tonight in my home! I caught my 18 year old son having cybersex! I walked into his bedroom to say goodnight, and there he was playing with himself in front of his webcam! He quickly put his penis away and turned off his computer, and I walked out in shock!

I don't know who was on the other end, just hope it wasn't a guy! Should I pretend like I didn't see anything?
-- Jolted in Seattle

Dear Jolted:
I'm sure it's not Michael Jackson on the other end, so don't worry. It's the best protection against STD's and he's not playing with someone else's flute. Everything will be ok... It could've been worse.

My Wifes Scheme, Candy Cigarettes

Dear AL:
My wife constantly buys our youngest candy cigarettes, like what she did with our daughter who is now an addicted teenage smoker! My wife tells me it's harmless, but I figured out her sick scheme, bum off cigarettes from our kids! Yep, that's what she's been doing with our teenage daughter while pretending to have quit! Everyday my wife disappears to my daughters room for a smoke! I caught her dozens of times! Since our daughter announced two weeks ago that she's moving out, my wife has been buying our son two packs of these cigarrette candies a day! WTF!

Al, I'm thinking about getting a divorce if ass breath doesn't cut this shit out! Help!
-- Kevin, Texas

Dear Kevin:
Ass breath... I mean your wife is one sick bitch! Don't just think about it, threaten her with divorce and custody of your son if she doesn't stop buying these candies! Tell her to seek help, like a good shrink, and take your son to a dentist, pronto!

The American Cancer Society "Kick the Habit" info recommends the following suggestions to smokers on their quiting day:

* Do not smoke. "Like, no duh!"
* Get rid of all cigarettes, lighters, ashtrays, and any other items related to smoking.
* Keep active—try walking, exercising, or doing other activities or hobbies.
* Drink lots of water and juices.
* Begin using nicotine replacement if that is your choice.
* Attend stop smoking class or start following a self-help plan.
* Avoid situations where the urge to smoke is strong.
* Reduce or avoid alcohol.

I hope this helped!