Dear Abby's Humor is Dry As Toast!

Dear AL:
I'm a huge fan of Dear Abby! I've been reading her column for ages before she changed her hairstyle. She looks 20 years younger!
My problem is over past few years I've noticed that Dear Abby's writing style has changed, and her humor is as dry as toast. What gives?
-- Gladis, Utah

Dear Gladis:
Maybe Pauline Phillips (Dear Abby) is sick of joking around because she never fulfilled her life long dream... being a stand-up comic. Pauline use to tell some zingers back in her day. In college she was voted most likely to team-up with Abbot and Costello... but she knew the world wasn't ready for another Abbot, so she worked various jobs until she started her Dear Abby column in 1956 that she wrote until 2002. That's right! Pauline is not writing Dear Abby anymore, her daughter Jeanne Phillips is.

SUCKER!

Personally, I think Jeanne Phillips is doing a great job as Dear Abby, but that doesn't mean I'm taking her off my arch nemesis list!

How Can I Tell My Girlfriend That She Sucks!

Dear Al:
I love my girlfriend to death, but she can't dance! It's so embarrassing to go clubbing with her! Even her girlfriends keep their distance when we're dancing. Last weekend I pretended that I needed to use the toilet and left her on the dance floor. I was hoping she would go back to our table, but she stayed out there dancing. As I walked off the floor I saw some guys laughing, and one imitated her moves. I pushed the guy, and he pushed me back, then we started to fight! When my girlfriend saw this, she came off the floor, then the bouncers threw us out stating it's all her fault! She then dragged me and her girlfriends (kicking and screaming) to another club!

Al, how can I tell my girlfriend that she can't dance without hurting her feelings? -- Tony, UK

Yo Tony:
Tell her that she sucks!

Look, there is no way around it, her feelings are gona get hurt. If you don't tell her now she will eventually find out, then she'll be even more mad at you for not stopping her from making a fool of herself.

Do you want to see this happen on the dance floor?

I didn't think so!

Filed under: advice, dating, relationship problems, videos, YouTube

I'm Such A Pig, And Feeling Ashamed!

Dear Al:
I hate it how I can't control my eating. I think its because I'm bored and jealous if someone else gets to eat it. I'm such a pig, and feeling ashamed... -- Potentially Hot

Dear Hot:
So that was you staring at my dog at last weeks game! Freaky!

There's an organization that can help you with your problem, Overeaters Anonymous. Overeaters Anonymous offers a program of recovery from compulsive overeating. Worldwide meetings and other tools provide a fellowship of experience, strength and hope where members respect one another's anonymity. OA charges no dues or fees; it is self-supporting through member contributions.

www.overeatersanonymous.org

I hope this helped!

Filed under: advice, health, on the internet, personal problems

I'm psychologicaly damaged!

Dear AL:
I still can't believe what I saw yesterday! I wanted to gouge my eyes out! I walked in on my parents in the bathroom while my mom was giving dad oral sex! It was digusting! There dad was, standing in his hairy birthday suit, while Mom performed oral sex with her pruned lips! They was sagging everywhere!

Why can't they be like normal parents and stop having sex? I know your readers will find this funny, but I'm psychologicaly damaged!
-- Grace, college student

Dear Grace:
It could have been worse!



Filed under: confused, family matters, personal problems, sex, videos, YouTube

At The End Of My Rope!

Dear Al:
I'm not sure what's wrong with me! I never see the bright side of things. I'm constantly nagging about every little thing. I'm very clingy, but when I get rejected, I go crazy! I pick fights with my coworkers for stupid stuff almost everyday. I talk alot of shit, but lately no one is listening! What's worse is that I can't take a joke, specially when it's not directed at me!

Al, I'm at the end of my rope! What's wrong with me?
-- Courtney, Texas

Dear Courtney:
You're NUTS! Um... I mean... Aren't those your nuts above?

Life is short, enjoy it! Don't turn it into a hassel. Keep your nose our of other peoples business! I know for some people that's not easy, and if that's the case with you, seek help.

Filed Under: advice, personal problems, workplace