What would you do?

Dear AL:
Say there's this beautiful girl who's kinda nice, Republican, who can hold her own defending Creation. What would you do in my shoes?
-- Alan, Virginia Beach

Dear Alan:
Run away!

I am frustrated!

Dear AL:
I have been married for 7 years but have known him since 10 years. After marriage he is just not interested in sex. He cites tiredness and financial problems. I am frustated. We have two kids. Should I divorce him? The kids love him. Please help. He threatens to leave us if I bring up this issue. He will not go for counseling also. I have now started name calling and things are worse. please help.
-- Archie, India

Dear Archie:
First off, are you female? If so, excuse me.

Not sure what the laws are in India. Just don't want to be responsible if the authorities have your head chopped off, but I don't want to leave you hanging either.

Stop with the cursing, take care of yourself physically, and when he comes around because you look like the Bollywood star Juhi Chawla, hand him the divorce papers. Watch how fast he'll plead for forgiveness for a little putay, which would be even more reason to leave this fool!

If you have no time to workout, or you're already a knockout, be kind and do things together with him to get his mind off his problems. If after a few weeks of this he's still the same, divorce his ass! Why waste your time with someone who threatens to leave you because you want to f-ck? Life is short!

Before you make your decision, you need to know what you're getting into when it comes to divorce in India. The information from the link below was published in 1997, so the laws might have changed:
http://www.english.emory.edu/Bahri/Divorce.html

I hoped this helped!

Do I ignore him, or stick with plan A?

Dear AL:
There's this guy seriously pissing me off in school. Do I ignore him, or stick with Plan A, which is to turn up at his door step with a chainsaw and a maniacal laugh?
-- Angry Girl


Dear Angry Girl:
Losers don't give up easy, that's if he's hitting on you, so ignoring him wont work, but plan B and C might do the trick!

Plan B: Eat chocolate for a few hours, and the next time you see him, try to kiss him with your pimpled lips. Works everytime, unless he has herpes.

Plan C: If you have no friends, wear the same socks for weeks, and stop wearing deodorant. This will smoke him out of the class room, get you banned from school, but you know you're clean, right? Right?

He's depressed day in and out

Dear Al:
I am wondering about my fiancee. He tells me that he is never happy. There was a time where he even had a plan to kill himself. At that point he actually reluctantly talked to a psychologist and was admitted overnight to the hospital. Well now he is depressed, doesn't seem to really have any goals and will not (and I repeat WILL NOT) get help. I cannot force him to talk to someone because he has not actually tried to hurt himself, but I am very worried about him. I see him be depressed day in day out and I just want to see him happy again. I just don't know what to do anymore, because I try to encourage him to talk to me, but he bottles up. What should I do? I don't want to force him to do anything, but this is just not right. He should not be this depressed all the time, but he won't get help. What am I supposed to do? -- Rose

Dear Rose:
The best course of action is to continue showing him love, do things with him to get his mind off his problems for a little while, and when you feel he's more relaxed, talk to him again about seeing a professional ASAP. If he still doesn't want to get help, continue what I stated above (love, doing things together) in hope he'll do the right thing himself.

Last course of action if nothing seems to be helping is to move on and don't look back. I'm sorry, but you have to take care of yourself. Don't let him drag you down.

I want my two dollars!

Dear AL:
How do you ask for a personnal loan back without sounding mean or hurting the indivdual? -- Mary, AZ

Dear Mary:
"Without sounding mean or hurting the individual?"
Wish you was my next door neighbor, I need a new car!

Look, just ask for your money back. I assume you gave this person this money with the understanding you'll get paid back, and if this person drags their butt when you ask for it, kick their ass! (not physically)

I gave this one fat piece of shit money to go see his mom and enough to take care of her since she just got into a car accident, but dumbo spent it on a prostitute! You wont believe how far my foot was up blimps ass to get it back, but tubby skipped town to another state since I wasn't the only one he suckered. I hear porkchop is now sucking his food through a straw since he finally screwed with the wrong person. Lardass got off easy!

Before you lose it, I'm a fatass too, just not as big as this joker. Remember, violence never solves anything, you just lose even more while serving time, but I'm sure you wont touch this bitches ass.

Excuse me for above, how do I know this persons female?
It's probably a prick!