Slow me down!

Dear Al,
I have a problem that's driving me crazy. Blogs! I'm working on so many blogs you wouldn't believe, and I keep coming up with new ones. I have 8 now. This juggling act of trying to maintain all my blogs is keeping me up nights, and it's effecting my family, day job, and my weight, but I can't stop. Slow me down!
-- Jennifer, Australia

Dear Jennifer,
Slow yourself down! Sheesh!

Are all these blogs worth hurting your family and job? Both will divorce your ass if you keep this up.

Usually what the problem is is that you're not getting enough sleep, and all those bowls of cornflakes every night. Lay off Kellogg's and your computer for a few days, and once you're well rested and able to think clearly, keep two blogs and delete the rest. I know, easier said than done, but look at it this way, none of your blogs will ever hit it big because you're spread out too thin.

Concentrate on two blogs and the physical world, and everything will be ok. Keep doing what you're doing, and you're gonna be an unemployed lonely lardass with no internet access. Scary, huh?

In the shadow of Natalie Gulbis

Dear AL:
I've been playing golf all my life, and competed against Natalie Gulbis a few times, and wooped her ass. But it's like it never happened! They pat me on the back, and then fall over themselves to congratulate her for participating.

Today it's like I don't exist, even though I'm better at the game. I'm in the shadow of Natalie Gulbis. No one sees me! AL, WTF do I have to do to make them notice?
-- Pissed Off, Somewhere in America

Dear Pissed Off:
Keep doing what you're doing, and I don't mean complaining. Play your heart out, and people will notice.

Ok, Natalie Gulbis is beautiful, but that doesn't translate to a good golfer. All the attention she's getting will effect her game, so beating her again shouldn't be a problem, but that's only if you get her out of your head. Train for the game!

Wax on, wax off... you know.

Lost job due to April Fools' Day prank

Dear AL:
Today I lost my job after pulling an April fools' prank on my boss that was a little over the top. I dropped him an email using an anonymous form online, pretending to be his girlfriend who works here, stating she's breaking up with him, and for him to leave her alone. After reading this email, he charged out of the office, and crashed into a coworker, spilling hot coffee on both of them. Megan, his girlfriend stood up and asked if he was ok, and he shooted back "F--- you bitch! You can keep to yourself!" and charged back into his office. I later then apologized to Megan for what happened, and about an hour later my boss called me into his office, showed me the email, and told me to pack my things. I told him I was sorry, but he just looked at me and said "buh bye darling," and called security.

My boss and Megan patched things up, just wonder how I can. It was a stupid joke, but I really need this job. Is there anything I can say or do to get it back?
-- Brian, Georgia

Yo Brian:
You're joking right? No?

Fool!

Look, mail your boss a new shirt, then call him to plead for your job. If that doesn't work you can take it to the next level, the human resource office, and maybe they can mediate something between you two. If you're a good worker, he can't fire you because of a joke, but since you caused him bodily harm with that hot cup of coffee, and mental anguish between him and his girlfriend, he has a case to get rid of your ass.

It doesn't look good, but you'll be ok. The government still makes cheese!

Can I copy your blogs template?

Dear AL:
I had it at my job. I've been working for a paper forever, 5 years to be exact, and every time when I think I can move up, they bring someone new from the outside. The last guy didn't even had the experience, and I had to train him! Train him how to be a managing editor!

AL, I'm quiting as of today and starting an advice column like yours. Can I copy your blogs template?

April fool's! About the blog part. :)
-- Josh, Minnesota

Yo Josh:
No wonder you didn't get the job, you're a moron.

When you try to pull off an April Fools Day joke, specially in an email, you don't state April fools within the same message as the joke, Beaves.

Now get back to your cubicle, and stop being a chump. You are hired to do a job, not to train someone to be your boss. Remember that!

Had an affair with my best friend's husband

Dear AL:
I had an affair with my best friend's husband two weeks ago, which I'm very sorry about. The way it happened, my best friend Dawn gave me a call and told me she was sick, and asked if I could go to her husbands hangout to keep an eye on him. I did her this favor, and found him playing pool with his friends at this place. He wasn't doing anything wrong when I found him, but since I drank so much, he talked me into slow dancing, and the next thing I know we're kissing. Somehow he ended up at my place and we had sex!

Since then he calls me almost everyday, asking when he could see me again. This past weekend I stayed at a girlfriends house out of fear he would stop by. And earlier today he called, but I let my answering machine pickup while on speaker. He said he loves me!

Al, how do I get out of this? I want to tell my best friend, but I keep wimping out.
-- In Trouble, Canada

Dear Trouble:
Somehow he ended up at your place to have sex? Don't you hate it when that happens?

Look, stop dragging this out, and tell your best friend! She's gona find out sooner or later, specially if her husband keeps calling you. He will slip up guaranteed, or probably tell your best friend that he loves you. And somehow her fist is gona end up in your face. That happens too you know.

Kw's: adultery, adultry, affair, affairs, cheater, cheating spouse, infidelity, marriage, unfaithful