Swine Flu: Daughter Afraid of Guinea Pig

Dear Al:
Since my 7 year old daughter found out about the Swine Flu, and that it came from pigs, she doesn't want to play with her guinea pig anymore. I tried to explain to her that she doesn't have to worry about getting sick from Simon, her guinea pig, but she keeps telling me it's also a pig, and if I knew that he didn't come from Guinea? And you know what, I didn't. After I gave her a hug, she slowly walked away, and looked at Simon from a distance saying goodbye to him. I almost cried! What can I do to show her that she doesn't have to worry about getting sick from him?
-- Judith, Wyoming

Dear Judith:
Remind her that her guinea pig is a rodent, so there is no way she will catch the swine flu from him. And if that doesn't work, take her and her guinea pig to the vet for a check-up. I'm sure they will be more than happy to help you quench her fear.

Tell your daughter about the media assholes who are making a mountain out of a mole hill about this virus. They prey on fear to boast ratings to attract sponsors who are all just looking to make a profit. Good luck trying to explain that sentence.

Kw's: H1N1, H1N2, H3N1, H3N2, H2N3, SIV, hog, influenza, C, A, seasonal, pandemic

Chemtrails instant clouds over Germany! Worried they might trigger Swine Flu!

Dear AL:
This morning when I took my kids to school, I noticed those white planes spraying Chemtrails on the only patch of blue sky. Most of them parallel, with a few crossing them since that patch of blue sky was narrow. I also noticed before reaching the end of the only blue sky those planes turned off their trails, proving they were chemtrails. Germany has admitted to doing this. Anyway, it usually takes some time before they turn into clouds, usually up to half an hour. This time it took a few minutes and it's freakin' me out! Either they're desperately trying to save us from solar flares using nano technology to speed cloud formation along, but I can't stop thinking about the WHO predictions of a Swine Flu pandemic, specially since 20 minutes after they sprayed it made it to ground level! How's it that suppose to protect us from the sun? Is this the trigger for the mother of all pandemics? Killing us with our tax dollars? My friends keeping joking with me stating world leaders just want to put us out of our misery so we don't have to witness the implosion of Earth due to collisions at CERN's LHC in Geneva. They might be on to something there and not even know it! Al, what can we do?
-- Heidi, Bamberg, Germany

Dear Heidi:
Lock you up!

Ok... I can see chemtrails in the atmosphere to protect us from cosmic rays, but to cause a global holocaust by purposely weakening our immune system? You must be on crack! I would seriously seek professional help if I was you. Your friends might put you out of your misery if you start shouting it's to cover an incoming asteroid. Hell... maybe that's what's really going on. I hope your bunker is well stocked.

On second thought, you're going to get squashed. Never mind. :-)

He's being charged with multiple felonies.

DearAL:
I have been with the same guy for a little over 4 years. We were having a great life together when he got arrested for some bad choices he made before I met him. I wasn't aware of any of this and now my trust in him is shaken. I've been really trying to stay strong and looking at my life. I've made many positive changes and am really taking care of myself. I'm not ready to call it quits, but I don't know how to accept him keeping something so big from me for so many years. We were going to get married in May of next year, and now I'm not sure how long it will be until he's out. He is being charged with multiple felony threes.
--Kyle, Heart Broken in Co

Dear Kyle:
In Colorado, not counting class 1 felonies (murder), Beaves could go to prison anywhere from 1 to 24 years. Do you seriously want to wait for someone who kept this past a secret? Who's to say he wont do it again? It will always be in the back of your mind "Did he seriously go out with the boys to shoot pool, or to shoot someone?" Not that I'm saying he would commit this type of felony.

Here's another positive change you should make, calling it quits. Don't become his alibi for his next serious crime. You might end up doing time. Move on with your life and let him live his.

Possessive friends hate new friend with friends

Dear AL
i have a friends but when i know someone new and become friends they becomes closer 2 me than the other friends or her best friend and i feel so bad coz my friend looking 2 me and im thinking that she r annoyed so i decide not 2 know someone new if she or him have friends only if he havent friends then i can know him or her so i want soloution please
-- Beyonce, Egypt

Dear Beyonce
What?

Ok... You have friends. You also love the word friends since it's mentioned seven times in your run-on sentence. When you make new friends, your other friends become closer, or her best friend? Anyway, you feel bad cause' your friend (wasn't it friends?) looks at you like *WTF?*, making you think she (friend) is annoyed. You then decide not to make new friends if they have friends, but if a potential friend happens to have no friends (loser), then you can become friends, keeping your old friends happy and friendly.

Sounds like you hangout with bunch of bitches.

You need to talk to your old friends. Let them know you're not their property. Seeing others doesn't mean you're putting them on the back burner. You're still their friend, but they have to understand you need your space. Freedom to choose who you want to be friends with. If they refuse to accept this, give them the boot. Don't waste your time with possessive people, they'll drain you dry, making you lose your sense of self. Move on and make new friends who don't carry shackles. I hope this helped.

Kw's: needy, clingy, emotionally attached, selfish friends, kicked to the curb

Multiple deployments to Iraq... can't wait for him.

Dear AL:
There's this guy I wish would leave me alone, but at the same time I have feelings for him. We met when he came back from Iraq for R&R, went out a little, and then he proposed to me before he left. He's been back from Iraq, and it's like he never proposed, and sees me when he wants to. I've told him to leave me alone, which wasn't easy, but he tells me that's not what I really want and that he loves me. I can see he means it, his lips trimble when he says that, but he's not the same person I met months ago. He's going back to Iraq in a month, and I don't want to wait for someone who can't make up his mind while at the same time thinks he can read mine. Well, he is right... I do want him, but I feel like I'll be waiting for nothing if he's so distant now. It's driving me crazy!

Please, Al... I need some straightforward advice.
-- Sarah, Germany

Dear Sarah:
Sounds like he wants you, but is afraid to commit because of the Iraq war. Maybe he's afraid if you were to marry, you'll be filing for divorce shortly after due to his long deployment. Many military families have gone through this. Soldiers who have been on back-to-back combat deployments find it hard to intergrate back with their families due to the fear of or knowing of future deployments. They're still in war mode.

You two need to talk. Seriously talk. Don't just dump him because he hasn't given you the ring. And by chance you work things out and you both get married, don't start a family! Nothing is tougher than not being around when your child is born, missing their first birthday, and being looked at like a stranger when returning home. Take things slow until deployments are less frequent.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you both the best.