She doesn't love me any more.

Dear AL:
I'm a long time reader of yours and blog friend, and when I discovered you stopped blogging I almost died! Choked on my Cornflakes! Thankfully I have your old email address, so I hope you don't mind me asking you for help.

For the last few weeks my Boss has been ignoring me like I don't exist. We still talk business, but she doesn't rub my shoulders or pat my butt anymore. I miss that! I know to someone else this would be sexual harrassment, but this person is the girl of my dreams.

I didn't become ugly over night, so what gives?
-- Davis, Idiana

Yo Davis:
I don't know who the hell you are, but you must be ugly. Why else would she be giving you the cold shoulder?

She must have heard rumors about your looks, and to verify this she had her eyes checked which resulted in her first pair of glasses, then "Bam!" she disinfected her hands, never to touch your ass again!

Seriously, dude, she probably just wants to keep things professional in the office, so you better back off. Nobody likes needy people, specially if they're fugly.

Where the hell is Idiana?

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How do you deal with this kind of pain?

Dear Al:
I was in business with my family. Since I quit my family now excludes me and my family from "all" family get togethers, including Xmas parties, birthdays, etc... Hurt? More than words! I try not to let it get to me, but everyday it does. I have tried talking to my brother, but he says I don't want this to come between us as brother and sister, but he still goes to family functions knowing I am not invited, then ignores me for days. How do you deal with this kind of pain?? Please email me with your answer. -- Judith

Dear Judith:
I don't email my solutions, so I'm gona answer you here about your dumbass family, not to leave you hanging.

I hate to tell you this, but your family don't give a damn about you, just the dollars you helped bring in while you was working for them. They did you a favor by excluding you and your family, because now your children will grow up to be decent human beings, not letting money get in the way of family.

About your brother, give him the cold shoulder for a couple of months, and if he's still their bitch, exclude him with a present... a dog collar.

You're free as a bird, and you still have your family that loves you, so concentrate on them and exclude the greedy.

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Were you good or bad this year?

Dear Al:

Were u good or bad this year? What do u think Santa will put in your
stockings?

Love,
Boo, Singapore, boochicky.blogspot.com

Dear Boo:
I was bad, but Santa better give me something if he knows what's good for him! If I find a single pebble in my stocking, he better pray I don't catch his ass next year, that's all I'm saying.

Hey, Someone nominated my blog for a Reddies Award for Red Hot Male Blogger 2006! It would be great if you all vote for me. I was just kidding about Santa. Really!

Visit RHSP blog and email your vote. I'll try to visit your blogs as soon as I can to kiss some ass. Shower people!

Like many a hapless man he can't see her games

DearAL:
My boyfriend insists on seeing his ex-girlfriend socially still which i find hard to deal with. am i being a psychotic jealous bint, or is it reasonable to ask then to stop meeitng. Btw-i have a suspision she is being manipulative and like many a hapless man he can't see her games.

Many thanks,
-- Baire, England

Dear Baire:
Sounds more like you can't see through his games, and if you're allowing them to meeit, you are a psychotic bint!

now if they became friends after their breakup, months before meeting you, then i wouldn't be suspisious about their friendship unless he spends more time with her than with you. but if you two started dating soon after they broke-up, or if you was the reason for their breakup, then you have a problem.

since this is driving you crazy, tell him he has a choice, either you or her. if he wont drop his friendship, break it off with him, then use your free time wisely so the next person you email wont make fun of your writing. i hope this helped!

Technorati: advice, advice blog, advice blogger, counsel, recommendation, recommendations, opinion, opinions, friendship, friendships, relationship, relationships, jealously, boyfriend, boyfriend

A friend thinks I should pull a Britney Spears

Dear AL:
First I have to say, I really enjoy reading your blog.
I'm a known actress, but not on the scale my manager thinks I have the potential to become. I played in a few movies, episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and other TV series. Anyway, a friend of mine thinks I should pull a Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan upskirt, by letting photographers catch me with no underwear underneath a miniskirt. She keeps telling to do this, and it's getting on my nerves. My friend who's an unknown actress is the best, but how can I tell her that I'm not gona pull a pathetic stunt like that?
-- Your California Fan

Dear Fan:
Giving away clues? Do you want me to tell my readers who I think you are, or pretending to be? Get a life! But if you're that actress... Where were you when I went to band camp? :P

Anyway, tell your friend that showing off your cooch will just justify those morons thinking that the only thing females have worth anything is their vagina. You're obviously very intelligent for making it as far as you did in the entertainment industry. If she continues bugging you to do this, remind the genius where she stands in the food chain compared to you, then throw her a biscuit. Hope this helped!

Technorati: advice, advice blog, advice blogger, counsel, recommendation, recommendations, opinion, opinions, friendship, friendships, Britney Spears, Britney, Studivz, Spears, Spear, Lindsay Lohan, crotch shot, upskirt, up skirt, photo, nude photo, vagina, entertainment, entertainment industry, star