I want this lower back tattoo!

Dear AL:
Last Friday I saw one of the coolest lower back tattoos I've ever seen on a girl! I always told myself I would never get one, but now I'm thinking about going for it! How long will it hurt once I get it? -- Molly, Californya

Dear Molly from Californya:
Till you're a very old freaky lookin' woman!

I got molested by a guy 2 nights ago

Dear Al:
I'm 15 years old. I got molested by a guy 2 nights ago even though I wasn't wearing revealing clothes. I've reported this matter to the police, but the thing is now I can't seem to trust strangers because of what happened 2 nights ago. Plus I can't help but keep on thinking about what happened. How can I forget & get over this disturbing memory? Please help me. -- Tamie

Dear Tamie:
Please talk about what happened with a professional who specializes in post-traumatic stress. Talking with a professional will help you work through it, building trust and healthy relationships. Since you filed a report with the police, I take it that your family already knows, but if they don't you need to tell them.

If this molestation went as far as forced sex, you need to get checked out by a doctor right away. This lowlife could have been carrying more than just a bad haircut!

I wish you the best!

Readers, blog friends, please watch the language in the comments of Tamie's post. Thanks!

I want to crawl into a hole and die!

Dear AL:
I have a really embarrassing problem!
I have been seeing this guy for a few weeks. I have not had sex with anyone since my husband who had prem ejaculation so sex was really quick.
I had 2 children with my husband and sometimes have stress incontinence. Anyway when we had sex, I was in continent and somehow his socks got wet where they were under 'the action'. He asked how they got wet and I just changed the subject. I am mortified.
Do i say anything about the socks and what happens (if!!! which i doubt) we have sex again. He must have realised that it happened!! I want to crawl into a hole and die! What is the way forward - celebacy?!
-- Lil, Hants, UK

Dear Lil:
Everyone pissed themselves one time or another, even on other peoples socks. You're not alone!

Stress urinary incontinence can be treated by strengthening the pelvic floor muscles through Kegel exercises, Ben Wa balls, or a more recently developed exercise technique called vaginal cone therapy. Not only will you stop peeing on his socks once you master these exercises, sex will be so good he'll be peeing on yours!

* Urinary Incontinence Treatment
* Kegel exercise
* Ben Wa balls

I hope this helped!

He used to respond, but no longer!

Dear AL:
I met this fellow from NC, I am from MA. We've been txting for a few weeks. Next he called. We started calling and phone txting. He came to MA and we hung out for a day. We've continued to call/txt. However, now he no longer answers my emails, and this week he has taken a long time to answer my txtes/voice mails. He used to respond within a reasonable time. Now I feel like like there's something he's holding back about. Any advice?
-- Keilah, US

Dear Keilah:
Sorry it took so long to repond, some female has been distracting me with her text messages. God, she's annoying!

Anyway, have you ever been on a blind date, and when you met the person they turned out to be some dorky looking freak or a dumbass like Paris Hilton? I'm not saying you're a dog or a Jet Set moron, but sometimes these things happen. You could be the most beautiful woman on the planet inside and out, but some guys might prefer Ugly Betty.

Maybe you should lay off with the messages and voice mails, and move on. If he's really interested, he'll contact you. Don't hound him, makes you look desperate. Nobody wants a needy person, specially if you freaked him out on the first date. There's plenty of fish in the sea, don't waste your time with Charlie Tuna!

I'm old, plus this is a major red mark!

Dear AL:
Word is going around that I'm about to get the boot. I've been working for our advertising firm for over 7 years, made them millions of dollars, but recently we lost a contract due to laptop malfunctions during a presentation. Me and my secretary tried to show a presentation on similar laptops, but those computers crashed. My boss thinks this happened due to incompetence, not the cheap laptops he brought that eveyone complains about, including a secretary he's fucking. Al, no one is gona hire me if my boss gets me fired! I'm old, plus this is a major red mark! What can I do to prevent him from dragging my name through the mud? He just ordered us to turn in all laptops to him for new ones.
-- Jason

Yo Jason:
Would have been nice if you told us the brand name and model of those laptops so we don't make the mistake of buying it. I hope your ass gets fired! :P

Anyway, it sounds like your boss is trying to cover his tracks with the new laptops, but there's just one problem, George probably used company funds to buy the old laptops as well as the new ones, so there's a record. Document the laptop malfunctions you had during the presentation as well as the complaints made about these machines by fellow employees. Make a formal complaint with your companies human resource office, or take this matter over your bosses head to his boss to point out the faulty laptops he brought. Start a blog and tell the world, and let your coworkers know because it will get back to the CEO's, but make no threats of blackmail like a dumbass, not even as a joke. No company wants it's name dragged through the mud over the internet for wrongly accussing someone for anothers persons incompetence. Last thing, pray your boss is not sleeping with his boss, or you're fucked!