Do I ignore him, or stick with plan A?

Dear AL:
There's this guy seriously pissing me off in school. Do I ignore him, or stick with Plan A, which is to turn up at his door step with a chainsaw and a maniacal laugh?
-- Angry Girl


Dear Angry Girl:
Losers don't give up easy, that's if he's hitting on you, so ignoring him wont work, but plan B and C might do the trick!

Plan B: Eat chocolate for a few hours, and the next time you see him, try to kiss him with your pimpled lips. Works everytime, unless he has herpes.

Plan C: If you have no friends, wear the same socks for weeks, and stop wearing deodorant. This will smoke him out of the class room, get you banned from school, but you know you're clean, right? Right?

He's depressed day in and out

Dear Al:
I am wondering about my fiancee. He tells me that he is never happy. There was a time where he even had a plan to kill himself. At that point he actually reluctantly talked to a psychologist and was admitted overnight to the hospital. Well now he is depressed, doesn't seem to really have any goals and will not (and I repeat WILL NOT) get help. I cannot force him to talk to someone because he has not actually tried to hurt himself, but I am very worried about him. I see him be depressed day in day out and I just want to see him happy again. I just don't know what to do anymore, because I try to encourage him to talk to me, but he bottles up. What should I do? I don't want to force him to do anything, but this is just not right. He should not be this depressed all the time, but he won't get help. What am I supposed to do? -- Rose

Dear Rose:
The best course of action is to continue showing him love, do things with him to get his mind off his problems for a little while, and when you feel he's more relaxed, talk to him again about seeing a professional ASAP. If he still doesn't want to get help, continue what I stated above (love, doing things together) in hope he'll do the right thing himself.

Last course of action if nothing seems to be helping is to move on and don't look back. I'm sorry, but you have to take care of yourself. Don't let him drag you down.

I want my two dollars!

Dear AL:
How do you ask for a personnal loan back without sounding mean or hurting the indivdual? -- Mary, AZ

Dear Mary:
"Without sounding mean or hurting the individual?"
Wish you was my next door neighbor, I need a new car!

Look, just ask for your money back. I assume you gave this person this money with the understanding you'll get paid back, and if this person drags their butt when you ask for it, kick their ass! (not physically)

I gave this one fat piece of shit money to go see his mom and enough to take care of her since she just got into a car accident, but dumbo spent it on a prostitute! You wont believe how far my foot was up blimps ass to get it back, but tubby skipped town to another state since I wasn't the only one he suckered. I hear porkchop is now sucking his food through a straw since he finally screwed with the wrong person. Lardass got off easy!

Before you lose it, I'm a fatass too, just not as big as this joker. Remember, violence never solves anything, you just lose even more while serving time, but I'm sure you wont touch this bitches ass.

Excuse me for above, how do I know this persons female?
It's probably a prick!

My wife's driving scares me

Hey AL:
Ever drove with a woman who takes tight turns around corners and end up facing the opposite flow of traffic, make a U-turn on a fuckin' Highway, follow other cars too close, or every other month destroy a side mirror exiting a garage? I'm married to one of those geniuses! I talked to her yesterday like many times before about going to a driving school, but she wont do it. Today she crashed into a woman's shopping cart killing all her vegetables! What's it gona take for her to understand that she can't drive for shit?
-- Dave, Idaho

Yo Dave:
This!

Any gates where you're at?

He's never interested in having sex

Dear AL:
I have a typical problem and unable to decide myself...I am from India, I had many problems with my first husband as he was a big psycho so ended up the relation after 2 years, later I took some break and got married, and I am so upset with my fate that I again failed in my second marriage.....since we got married he is never interested in having sex...I dont understand whats his problem but he enjoys all bulshit on internet...I one day asked him not to cheat me anymore and if he open ups problems can be solved together by visting pshycian, he is not ready to accept and have become wild at me...I am not happy with whats going on...the thought that I failed again is making me very depressed....can you help me please!
-- Nagma

Dear Nagma:
Maybe your husband can't get it up. Years of inactivity, just sitting behind his computer probably made him Impotent, or he's an asshole.

If you ment that he physically hurt you when you stated wild above, it's time to get a divorce. Why stay with someone who loves his computer more than you? He doesn't want help and doesn't respect you. Being alone is not bad compared to being with someone who makes you feel alone. Many people just want to get married so they wont be alone which is the worse mistake they can make. If there is no love in a marriage it's sure to fail, sometimes even after both parties agree to marriage counseling. When you're not looking for love, respecting yourself and enjoying life, love will find you. Nagma, take care of yourself and leave this loser ASAP! Life is too short! Make yourself happy!