Why doesn't Dear Abby give me advice?

Dear AL:
For the last few weeks I've been writting Dear Abby about a problem, but she's hasn't gave me any advice! My sons girlfriend moved into our place, and I told him that it's not a good idea, but he brushed me off with a laugh. At first it didn't look like it was gona be a problem, until I came home one day and caught my son and her smoking weed in the livingroom while playing a game on the TV, throwing chips at each other. I then told them to clean up their mess, and to stop smoking weed, but he laughed at me, called me a Dork, and went to his room.

I don't appreciate my son talking to me like that, and the fact that Dear Abby is not repsonding. My son and his girlfriend think I'm stupid asking for advice, but I don't care!

Any ideas on how to get Dear Abby's attention? This is serious!
-- John, Idaho

Dear John:
You seriously want me to help you get intouch with Dear Abby? Are you on Crack?!!! Don't make me call you a Dork!

I don't know your situation, if you're disabled or not, but your son is living under your roof, not the other way around!

No warnings! When your son is not around, grab all his shit, and his girlfriends, and throw it out! You sound like you might need a little help, so ask your friends for assistance. Then have a BBQ with your friends, and enjoy the look on your son's and girlfriends faces as they discover their Playstation asses are out in the street! Good luck!

Could You Install Haloscan Comments?

Dear AL:
First I have to say that I love your blog! Your hilarious posts have me and my friends rolling on the floor!
When are you gona install Haloscan Comments on your blog? I prefer to comment on your blog using Haloscan, specially since I have a cute Gravatar that shows in it. Isn't she the cutest little thing you ever saw?

I think Blogger comments is great, but it would be also great if you also install Haloscan comments too!

So, what do you say?
-- Tracy, Canada

Dear Tracy:
***PUKE*** You are never gona see your Gravatar Avatar on my blog!
YOU HEAR ME!

Serious, Gravatar is a great service, I have an account with them, but the reason why I wont install Haloscan comments is because they disappear after 60 days. I treasure comments left on my blog, and there is no way I'm gona allow Haloscan delete them so they can save server space/resources.

Every blog I came across that had Haloscan installed that I commented on, I discovered that comments older than 60 days were missing when I checked the bloggers archives, like I never posted a comment!
Maybe they should change their name to Hollowscan!

Anyway, Tracy, you can still see your Avatar on my blog if you just simply get a Blogger account, just warn me when you do so I can gouge my eyes out!

Blogger 101, Balls & Eastern Butterfly

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Welcome to another class of Blogger 101!

Today we're gona learn about Balls, not mine.

Balls is an Marine Engineer from the blog
Plan B, and the last post on his blog
"seems like yesterday", wasn't written yesterday, but 3 days ago!

Like our dear President, Balls takes lots of breaks, but he'll be blogging again soon.
So be on the look out for his posted entry "Seems like yesterday that I wrote the post Seems Like Yesterday, but it wasn't"

My next subject is Eastern Butterfly.

Eastern Butterfly complains about everything under the sun, so you bet her husband has some stories to tell!

Eastern Butterfly, like Balls... No, I did not mean she likes balls, she just like the blogger Balls, who's one of my first commentors on my blog!
I wont be able to continue this course if your minds are thinking in the gutter, people!

Anyway, she just discovered that she had an anonymous visitor to her blog, but her NeoCOUNTER can't detect this persons country. I make a bet it was Balls playing around, but not with his balls! OK!

If you want to learn more about Eastern Butterfly, or Balls (The blogger, people!), go visit their blogs, and maybe you'll be my next victim subject for Blogger 101!

Underwear Streaks Making Me Sick!

Dear AL:
I'm a mother of 3 beautiful children, and one funky ass husband! I don't ask for much out of life, take care of everybody and the house, but these streaks in my husbands underwear is getting on my f-ing nerves! I can't take this shit anymore!

I've told him a million times to clean his ass good, to use the whole damn roll of toilet paper if he has to, and he says he does, but he's full of shit!
I mean come on, how hard is it to wipe your ass? It's not rocket science!

Al, I know you're gona have a field day with this email, but I don't care!
If you can help me solve this problem with the streaks in my husbands underwear, I'll do your laundry! His shit is driving me crazy!

You're a guy, and I'm sure you shit your shorts before, what did you do to solve this problem?
-- Loraine, Bronx, New York

Dear Loraine:
No comment!

Wife is in a Redneck Women Video

Dear AL:
Last weekend my wife discovered that she's in a hilarious video on YouTube about Redneck Women, but she's not laughing! I told her not to worry about it, since not many people have seen it, but she's not listening. Could you please help me with my wife?
-- Joe, Kentucky

Dear Joe:
Are you talking about this video?



If your wife is the first redneck or the last redneck in that video, I feel for you!

The video plays fast, so nobody will be able to pin her to it, unless she keeps complaining about it like a parrot. She'll be ok, just give her a cracker!