Hey Al:
I hate the girl who hangs out with me and my best friend. Well, not exactly; I hate that my best friend always puts her before me. She knows I fucking hate waiting for ANYONE and she still insist on making me do so because she wants to be with the stupid bitch.
Do I dump her, which isn't a choice, because I'm a social pariah whom everyone hates, or do I kill the bitch and hope my best friend doesn't find out?
-- Liza
Hey Liza:
Maybe if you stop being such a hater and focus on good times, everything will be ok. This other girl is probably about having good times while all you do is go waaaaahhh... Loosen up, or your friend will dump ya, then you'll really have something to bitch about.
I hope this helped. :)
Sisters rent and my bad breath
Dear AL:My girlfriend just inherited her dads house, but her sister who doesn't live there wants us to pay her rent, and she agreed to it. Now I don't have a problem with that, just the fact that when we move in we're taking care of her mother who has a problem with my breath, but my girlfriend thinks if I get hair implants it might help. What do you think?
-- Ray, Georgia
Yo Ray:
I think you should also get butt plugs while you're at it, can't hurt. And about your girlfriend's sister's rent, tell her to kiss your ass, unplugged! How could you not have a problem with that?
He doesn't have sentimental values
Dear AL:
My husband is a good man, but he doesn't have any sentimental values. He's thrown out stuff he's had as a kid, like an easel his grandmother gave him when he was a teenager 30 years ago. His easel broke, so instead of fixing it since it was fixable, he threw it out and brought a new one. You know how I feel about his lack of emotional associations that most people have about things? I'm afraid his desk might be next that I brought for his birthday 10 years ago!
-- Meagan, Canada
Dear Meagan:
He'll probably just throw out the lamp.
My husband is a good man, but he doesn't have any sentimental values. He's thrown out stuff he's had as a kid, like an easel his grandmother gave him when he was a teenager 30 years ago. His easel broke, so instead of fixing it since it was fixable, he threw it out and brought a new one. You know how I feel about his lack of emotional associations that most people have about things? I'm afraid his desk might be next that I brought for his birthday 10 years ago!
-- Meagan, Canada
Dear Meagan:
He'll probably just throw out the lamp.
My doctor gave me placebos
Dear AL:Last Friday I discovered that my doctor gave me a placebo, stating it was something else for my condition. I overheard him tell his nurse this since he has a hearing problem and doesn't realize he's loud. I didn't say anything to him back then, but since it troubled me over the weekend, I told him I knew this past Monday. He apologized, stating that sometimes power of suggestion, the placebo effect, usually helps patients with my problem. He then gave me some medicine stating that it was the real deal, but on the way out I overheard him saying to his nurse about giving mrs whiny pants (me) another placebo. I confronted him, and he denied saying this, and that I have until Friday to pay my bill, $300!
Al, I don't have any insurance, lost my job, and I'm almost out of money. How am I gona pay for this? He knows I'm struggling.
-- Trish, New York
Dear Trish:
Everyone has the game Monopoly, well there's plenty of cash in there.
Seriously, you need to seek a malpractice attorney. Yes, I know you don't have the money, but most attorneys provide free consultation. Bring up the idea with an attorney about carrying a voice activated recorder on you the next time you visit your doctor. I don't know the laws where you're at, but I don't see a problem with this since you're gona need as much proof as possible, or it will come down to your word against this quacks about those Placebos.
Good luck!
How can I get her back?
Dear AL:I'm living in hell. My girl broke up with me. We've been dating 4 months, but when I discovered her prosthetic toe when I jumped into the shower with her, she called it quits after smacking me a few times. She's the most sweetest person in the world, but reacted like that because how I reacted when I saw her toe on the soap dish. Just wish she told me.
We haven't been together long, but I love her very much. How can I get her back? I thank God everyday for meeting a girl like her!
-- Tony, Alaska
Dear Tony:
You should also thank God she didn't have a prosthetic leg, she would've killed you!
Declare your feelings for her by writing her a letter, then give her a day or two to contact you. If she doesn't, give her a call and tell her the same. She might need more time, so you have to be strong for the both of you. She probably was gona tell you at some point about her prosthetic, but now you know, and if you hang in there and don't give up, everything will be ok.
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