He's cool... Should I act like nothing happened?

Hey AL:
I need your help!!! I don’t understand this man that I met and I need your advice!!!

Long story short, I have known this man called “P” for about a year, P ‘s boss is my business client and that’s how I come to know him. We have known each other for about a year and during these period, we only communicating with each other once every two /three months (For biz purpose).

Out of the blue, P invited me to lunch 2 weeks ago and I didn’t know it was a date or not, but I said yes anyway. During the 4 hours lunch, he talked a lot about himself (from his childhood to his adult life and more personal stuff (like his relationship with his family) that I didn’t expect to hear. I didn’t really talk much during the lunch as I did encourage P to talk more of himself and I was very intrigued with his life stories and experience (but I also realised I can only see him as a friend). He insisted paying for the lunch and when I objected, he said I could pay for the next one….


I did send him a thank you email on the same day but I haven’t heart from him eversince!!! So I shoot him an whatsapp msg yesterday but he ignored me!! WTH?? OK..eventhough P doesn’t think I am datable, can’t we just be friend?? He seems like a cool guy to hangout with and now I feel a bit awkward about the next time we have a business meeting! How should I react? Should I just pretend we didn’t even have that “lunch” thing and just try to act like nothing happened?
-- Confused Woman

Yo Confused Woman
You're probably confused as to why I haven't responded in over two months, which is not new to you the way you handle that business relationship. You stated before that your communication with P was once every two to three months and your concerned why he hasn't responded to your message two weeks after that lunch together? The man is ignoring you and you're asking me how you should react at your next business meeting? Well, here's a clue. Don't ask him how's his family is doing during your PowerPoint presentation!

Your first mistake was having lunch with your client's employee! You've done business with P. You don't take him up for a corn-dog!

Second, there shouldn't be a second! Anyway, second, as soon as P opened up about his pathetic life, you should've stopped him at birth! You should've looked at your watch and remembered your meeting with an imaginary client.

Third... pretty sad it's gone this far. Sending P a thank you email after you probably thanked him for lunch (another mistake) was moronic. Never say THANK YOU! Those words are for retailers on the store floor! It wasn't an official date, and why thank someone who made your ears bleed?

Fourth... whatever... Don't worry if P is present at your business meeting with your client. The man has ignored you (smart move on is part) for over two weeks. That lunch was a mistake, so carry on like it nevered happened. If for some reason P brings it up out of embarrassement due to your professionalism at the meeting say "No problem... Lets talk business." If he insists to talk about it say "Sorry... Meeting someone for lunch," and get your ass out of there! Don't stick around to listen to his current life story, doing your clients laundry!

If you're out of business by now since I haven't responded in time, chalk this up as a lessoned learned. You'll know what to do in your next life!

How can I stop liberal drivers speeding in my neighborhood?

Dear AL:
I have two children, an eight year old and a five year old and I'm constantly worried about liberal speeders who pass through my neighborhood. My 8 year old's friends live just across the street, and he knows the rules to look both way before he crosses, but I escort him across out of fear of those crazy liberal drivers. I also fear for my safety as well as my childs since they drive so fast. Is there anything I can do to stop these liberal maniacs?

Vicki, Danger Road, surrounded by liberals

Dear Vicki:
Liberals? How do you know they're not Teabaggers?

Look, attend your next community council meeting and make a request for speed bumps. The speed bumps will also inconvenience you as well as your neighbors, but think of your family's safety. Even with speed bumps you should still cross the street with your child until these morons get use to these gentle reminders.

Just don't build your own, it's against the law!

Watched YouTube videos of fat belly girls... Jealous

Dear AL:
For as long as I can remember I have always loved fat bellies. I have always watched youtube videos of girls playing with their own. I became jealous. I want to know how I could get a bigger belly as soon as possible.
--Savannah, Florida

Dear Savannah:
You're kidding, right?

Darling, having a belly isn't what it's crack up to be. It might look great to you, but eventually it will droop looking like an oversized fanny pack. According to a new study from Boston University School of Medicine, besides heart attacks and heart disease, having excess fat around the Abdomen may shrink your brain boosting your risk of dementia. Those girls showing off their kegs on YouTube is a prime example.

Love yourself as you are, but if by chance you gain weight, try to keep it under control to save whatever brain cells you have left. Spare YouTube, the world another jelly performance. Please!

Boston University School of Medicine Study:
Reference link

WebMD reporting on Boston study:
Reference link

What it bees like?

Hey AL:
Thing is when we're frontin', we'll be talkin' smack and shit. But sometimes it bees like "Dawg, what you're talkin bout?" Then he'll be dissing, but not harsh and I'll be like "What the fuck?" then we're laffing like nothing happened. Another time ace bees like "Dawg, where's your game?" But I don't carry it around so I say "You dissing me?" and he smiles and then again we're laffing and shit. We play around like it's no thing, illing nonstop and snapin wit our peeps and slammin phat chicks that obviously know better, but when your mama raised you right you're wonderin' if it's all that and a pack of chips. It makes me think. So what it bees likes, Al? What it bees like?
-- Marvin, Detroit

Yo Marvin:
Bees like pollen. I hope this helped! :P

Local national installation pass violation

Dear AL:
Every other week when I work the late shift with my coworker, he goes shopping with his friend for about an hour and a half. He's a German local national with restrictions on his installation pass which is only good for going to work and that's it, but he's telling me he's allowed to leave his place of duty to get something to eat. Only thing he's been going to the shopette which sells snacks and alcohol with an American family member and when he gets back he pulls his dinner out of his backpack which he makes at home. I think he's buying alcohol because his speech is slurred by the time we close shop! My problem is that I've been delegated to run our facility while our boss is on vacation, and usually when this happens it's party time for my coworker. Besides going on his shopping spree, he sometimes leaves work early and comes to work late the following day hammered, but that doesn't stop him from roaming around post. He's a nice guy and I hate confrontation, but I'm afraid for my livelyhood. I'm not married to a service member. I'm just a civilian that can be easily fired. What can I do?!
-- Troubled in Germany

Dear Troubled:
Grab your balls/cooch and report his ass! This Pilstard might act nice, but in reality he thinks you're a chump or he wouldn't be leaving his place of duty, risking your job as well as his over a six pack of corona. He could be under surveillance, so you stating to the authorities that you didn't know he left the building wont hold water if he's done this more than once. Take care of yourself because he obviously doesn't care about you. I bet he hasn't offered you a drink, so what does that say?